fbpx
Menu

Long distance relationship, He wanted to break up and need time to figure it out

HomeForumsRelationshipsLong distance relationship, He wanted to break up and need time to figure it out

New Reply
Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #187529
    Henny
    Participant

    Hi, I’m Henny. I feel messy and so sad right now. Me and my boyfriend have been 1,5 years in long-distance relationship.  I have just visited him in USA and stayed there for 5 months. I met his parents and friends, then he planned to visit me and see my parents. Thing turned so bad when I came back from USA 1 months ago. We usually fight because of my insecurity. I miss him a lot since I am just apart from him. I feel all my guts squeeze together and feel pain when I miss him. One day I told him I cannot continue this long-distance relationship.  I told him that ” is it more convenient for you if you find someone there who is closer to you? ” I feel I was so stupid because I did not mean that just my insecurity control all my mind. I do want to be with him and love him so much. He is so important to me. After that, he comforted me and said we did really well in this relationship. I kept crying and made him tired. He wanted to sleep and he said maybe he will think about what I told him if this relationship makes me suffer and pain. I feel my heart broke when I heard that. Then I ask him is it true. He said he rather than not but if it is good for both then he considers it. We argued, he said he will call me tomorrow. However, I forced him to answer my questions are: “does he still love me and does he really want to find someone there”.  Since I was pressing on him, he just so frustrated and he asked me to take a break. I didn’t agree because I said taking a break just like break up to me. He said then we just break up. I cried and told him I just didn’t mean it. I asked him to give us chance, I’m just so insecure. He seems really strongminded about it. After that he said he will give us chance, just let him rest for 2 days and we will figure things out. It has been 2 days. Today he told me that he needs more time to rest and figure it out since his health screwed up because of the fight. When I msg him, he still kindly replied me and told me to sleep early. I don’t know what should I do now. I feel panic and anxious. I know I’m childish. Its just because I want to be with him so bad. Does he really want to break up with me or he just needs time to rest and recover? I know he still loves me. I have learned a lot from my mistake and I will not make it again. I appreciate any help and advice. Thank you so much.

    #187587
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Henny:

    Reads to me that what happens is that you suffer when not with him and you want to stop suffering.

    So your (ineffective) solutions are two:

    1) Cause him break up with you (then you will stop missing him and you will stop waiting for the next time you see him, suffering while waiting)

    2) Make him do something Now, so to stop your suffering, maybe fly right away to your country, maybe make it possible for you to fly again to the US and be with him right away and forever.

    My question to you: am I correct, and if I am, is #2 possible for the two of you?

    anita

    #187591
    Henny
    Participant

    Thank you Anita,

    Right now he keeps silent and needs space. I think right now he also hesitates about going to visit me since everything was screwed up. I just want to continue with him. I can wait for him and get our relationship back on track before discussing the next trip.  I made him frustrated because of my insecurity. I got confused. If he wants to break up so why does he still reply my msg when text him. I just want to find some hope. I really love him. The things make me anxious right now is that: does he really want to break up with me or does he just needs time to rest after constantly fighting?

    #187595
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Henny:

    You are welcome. Maybe later when you are calm you can re-read my first reply to you on this thread and respond to it then.

    For now, you are anxious and focused on the question on the last two lines of your recent post. There is no way for me to know and it is very possible that he himself does not know. It is not that he wants to break up with you or needs time to rest. It could very well be both, that he is considering breaking up with you and is resting.

    I wouldn’t pressure him yet again to tell him which one it is of the two, because it can very well be both. What do you communicate to him in your texting at this time and what are his responses?

    anita

    #187609
    Henny
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    1. I asked him that are we still fine and does he just need time to calm down. He said: yeah just need time to calm, and he told me to do my stuff.

    2. Another time I asked him that does he miss me and I apologize for my mistake. He texts back that He has been thinking about us. He still needs some time to figure it out.

    3. I told him gave me chance and fix it, asked him for conversation. He said he still wanna rest, last time screwed up his health. He doesn’t want to talk anytime soon.

    4. I told him that I went to relationship consultant. He replied that he thinks its good I go consultant, but he needs some time right now. Besides, he will think about what I was saying (I said we can get better and I am willing to improve), and we talk on Sunday when he is better.

    He replied my text and did not ignore me. But seem he wants to have space… I gave him space but I am in panic mode right now. I think you are right, maybe he resting and tell me to break up when he is in better health.

    Thank you for your help.

    #187623
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Henny:

    He reads like a kind man, by the way. Too bad you gave him such a difficult time that his health suffered.

    I don’t think he is resting so to tell you to break up later on, at least this is not what I suggested. What I suggested that he may be considering breaking up, not that he made up his mind.

    Can you give him the space he rightfully asked for, no matter how scared you are?

    It will be a good practice for you, so that if the relationship does continues, you will be able in the future (no matter how scared/ insecure) to not make him suffer.

    anita

    #187771
    Buddi
    Participant

    Henny – Here is the truth long distance rarely works but lets say it does work for some it requires two things trust in each other and most importantly you need to be confident.

    My suggestion he may be fantastic as a human but until you are ready to deal with your insecurities no matter who he is wont make a difference.Take this break and see how you feel. I know you are anxious but trust me like all emotions this will pass too dealing with your emotions is the first of many things a human being should do.  DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE OF THINKING A GUY IS END ALL AND BE ALL OF YOUR LIFE. No one should have this much control over you ( I say this with experience).

    Finding someone who loves you the way you love them is an amazing feeling but all that means nothing if you are anxious and fearful. For now you may think he is everything I can guarantee you he is not. Get back up …do your thing, live your life do not wait for anyone.

     

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.