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Looking backwards

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Viewing 12 posts - 16 through 27 (of 27 total)
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  • April 18, 2024 at 7:15 am #431835
    anita
    Participant

    Dear gresshoppe:

    I am sending good vibes your way and thank you for the good vibes! We can talk about autophobia sometime, if you would like that. I experienced it since I was a child and only recently found out the term.

    I hope to read how the conversation with him goes.

    anita

    April 24, 2024 at 5:36 pm #432018
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, gresshoppe?

    anita

    April 28, 2024 at 4:24 am #432108
    gresshoppe
    Participant

    Thanks for checking in. I told him that I needed to take a lot of time to be on my own. He insisted that we meet, and said that there is no pressure on his part, no expectations. Afterwards, I asked myself why I allow myself to get talked into something that doesn’t feel right…but I am also reminded that I am in charge of my life and have to be clear about boundaries.

    April 28, 2024 at 7:04 am #432110
    anita
    Participant

    Dear gresshoppe:

    You are welcome.

    “He insisted… I allow myself to get talked into something that doesn’t feel right“- if you explained to him that when pressured (as in someone insisting), you have a tendency to be talked into doing what doesn’t feel right for you, and you point out to him what exactly he said that placed pressure on you.. and then, he does it again and again, then it’d tell you that he cares more about getting his way than about your emotional well-being.

    “He insisted… said there is no pressure“- to insist (online definition) is to demand something forcefully, not accepting refusal, and that is pressure. So, he pressured you and then denied that he did…?

    anita

    June 30, 2024 at 1:57 pm #434435
    gresshoppe
    Participant

    Some time has passed since I posted here. I have met with him a few times, on and off. He wants to take the next step. I don’t. I haven’t said it, but I suspect he knows. I am glad that we reconnected, but I feel like we’re stuck. Normally, I would just say it, but he makes me nervous. Trying to find a way to do this that respects him while being true to myself.

    June 30, 2024 at 2:50 pm #434438
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Gresshoppe

    Welcome back!

    I think that what you have said here is respectful and perfect. You enjoyed reconnecting, but aren’t interested in taking things further. It feels like things are stuck and not working.

    What makes you feel nervous about telling him that you’re not interested in taking things a step further?

    Rejecting him might end things entirely between you?

    Are you afraid that he will try to pressure you and not take your no for an answer?

    Or something else?

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

    July 3, 2024 at 12:00 pm #434615
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gresshoppe:

    I neglected to reply to you three days ago (Sun), but here I am.

    “Normally, I would just say it, but he makes me nervous“- because he has anger issues (you shared that in the first page of your thread). It’s difficult to break up or.. slow down with someone who is angry and pushy.

    Did you already have the talk with him?

    anita

    July 7, 2024 at 11:33 am #434767
    gresshoppe
    Participant

    I finally talked with him a couple of days ago. It wasn’t easy because he felt differently about it, but we are going our separate ways. I have decided to try to be still for a while. I’m not sure why that has been difficult for me, but I wonder if I can grow into it?

    July 7, 2024 at 12:49 pm #434772
    anita
    Participant

    Dear gresshoppe:

    Congrats for having had the talk with him two days ago!

    “I have decided to try to be still for a while. I’m not sure why that has been difficult for me, but I wonder if I can grow into it?“- can you elaborate on your difficulties with being still?

    anita

    July 7, 2024 at 12:54 pm #434773
    gresshoppe
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Helcat –

    Thank you for your kind wishes! I would like to learn how to be “okay without a partner.” I have dated on and off for the last six years after marriage, and I think being with someone was all I knew. I would like to teach myself how to be okay without needing to be attached to someone. A friend suggested that I could grow into it. I usually bail after a while. I don’t have isolation in mind -just healthy relationships that aren’t necessarily romantic. Does this make sense?

    July 7, 2024 at 1:50 pm #434774
    anita
    Participant

    Dear gresshoppe:

    You are welcome!

    “Being with someone was all I knew. I would like to teach myself how to be okay without needing to be attached to someone….  healthy relationships that aren’t necessarily romantic. Does this make sense?“-

    – yes, it makes sense to me: to have a healthy relationship with someone very special: you! It means to be at peace with being who you are, resting in a peace of mind. Does this make sense to you, as being what you need?

    anita

    July 8, 2024 at 10:49 am #434803
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Gresshoppe

    Learning to be okay without a partner sounds like an amazing plan for yourself! I think you will have fun with it. It is said that the most important thing is to love yourself.

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

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