fbpx
Menu

Looking for outside advice

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Looking for outside advice

New Reply
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • November 22, 2013 at 12:09 pm #45669
    Tom
    Participant

    Hello all I’m new to the forum and not sure if this is the correct sub forum to post in or not. Anyways my friends have been telling me that I am negative and that I always make things about me. At first I didn’t understand what they meant and thought nothing of it. Recently my mother got diagnosed with cancer and it was an eye opener and made me re asses my life. I started to thing about what my friends were telling me and looked ever farther back in my life and realized I’ve lost friends in the past because of my issues.

    I do know where the problems stem from which was my childhood. When I was growing up my dad would never listen to my opinions. It seemed like to him I was just a kid that had nothing substantial to say. I don’t hold grudges against him because I know his dad (my grandfather) was the exact same way but even worse. I was always pushed in school and nothing I did never seemed like it was good enough. We have a great relationship now but its the past that shaped me and made me what I am today. I rarely open up about my past to people I know because I’m afraid of showing weakness

    When it comes to being negative with my friends its not like depression or anything like that. It’s more like if someone were to bring up an idea or wanted to do something I would just turn them down and say that’s stupid you should do this instead. Or if someone had an opinion and I had a differing opinion i would argue about it to no end. I’m the type of person that likes to debate but It seems like I always have to put in my 2 cents and make people realize why I’m right because I was never heard when I was younger.

    I’m looking for some insight and advice as to what I can do to curb my thinking and start being more positive and stop arguing with my friends over meaningless things. I’ve slowly started catching myself when I’m reverting to my old ways but there’s always times when I slip up. I’ve also told my friends to tell me when im being my old negative self but I feel like I should be the one noticing it and changing and not them. If people need more information on fine points I’d be glad to divulge. Thanks in advance.

    Tom

    November 22, 2013 at 1:11 pm #45672
    Anders Hasselstrøm
    Participant

    Dear Tom,

    Interesting issue and also something I have been subject to before why I believe I can contribute to your future development.

    I used to be around one friend who was in the exact same situation as you are in today. He was always negative and never had anything positive to say. I kept on talking to this friend but at some point I realized that he drained me for my positive energy and never contributed with anything positive. One day I made a conscious decision about my life. I decided that I did not want to spend time with him again. I couldn’t live with it anymore.

    One year after I met this friend again. This time I couldn’t recognize him. He had changed dramatically in one year. I asked him what caused him to change. He said to me that he realized how much negativity he was spreading and one morning he decided to change.

    The reason I’m telling you this Tom is because I want you to realize that the power to change is within. Start establishing some new and healthy habits. Make a conscious decision every morning to be happy and have a positive mindset.

    I’ll be looking forward to hear your progress,

    Best,
    Anders Hasselstrøm
    Motivational Speaker

    November 22, 2013 at 3:59 pm #45673
    Hollie Caddock
    Participant

    Hey Tom. I’m sorry to hear about your tough time.

    My mother is negative a lot of the time as well. As I’m only 21 and still living with her whilst trying to get myself properly sorted out in life, it can be difficult to constantly receive criticism and negativity about choices you make.

    A lot of the time, I would just prefer my mother to ask ‘Why?’ in a curious and caring way. As long as you are mindful in your question you should get an honest response.

    By asking why, I feel someone is seeking to understand what I’m trying to do or say. You can then figure out the reasons as to why your friends or family feel it’s the correct course of action or have suggested it. From there, a more balanced and informed opinion can be made and you can remain mindful of your disposition.

    What’s fantastic is that you saw and have outwardly expressed what you want to change. Mr Hasselstrøm is very correct, change starts within and it’s a decision everyone has to make about one issue or another.

    Focus on being the person YOU want to be and, most importantly, forgive yourself. You sound like you’re still beating yourself up about it.

    If you don’t forgive yourself you’re not going to allow yourself the space to grow.

    I hope this helps – changing is not always an easy thing.

    All the best x

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.