Today, my boyfriend/companion broke up with me. He is my second lover that I have had strongest connections with. He said he could not see me anymore because he will be going to puerto rico for 2 1/2 months and he has to focus on school. I could understand, but at the same time we played with fire. Mind you, I dated other men, and was in relationships. But I have only fell in love twice.

For some reason, I am writing because I am so upset. Im currently in Washington D.C. from California, and I currently intern at the Capitol.

I met this guy, who is 2 years younger than me. We clicked immediately, and we are very intimate with one another. It was all fun..and suddenly we were seeing each other more frequently, and he showed his eagerness by texting and coming to see me. Everything was perfect and fun until a couple days ago, I felt weird…as if my intuition was telling me signs.

Today..he came and saw me after church and told me he could not see me anymore, and said that he liked me so much but he needs to figure himself out. and knew that things were going to get serious between us.. he wanted to end it. I just stared at him and said “its okay I understand”

I felt upset..and I had planned to have a picnic and drink wine underneath the cherry blossom trees. And we did…and we felt happy with each other and both said that we will miss each other. It was a beautiful moment, and we cuddled and kissed.

He left, and committed that we will see each other one more time. Once, he left. I cried. I still want to cry.

A former lover of mine broke up with me last December because of long distance. I thought I could never fall again.. until I met this guy in DC.

He reminds me of myself, wanting to go away and leave the country to find himself.

I always ask the lord for love, and he gives me love. and I love the Lord. Yet I know the Lord wants me to focus on myself, and find a job, and go back to school to get my masters.

I know what I want to accomplish in life…but losing someone, a companion/lover, who you can share your inner secrets with is hard.
He is the second lover that I have lost.

How many more can I go through? Until I meet someone who will want to share their secrets with me forever? Who will be there for me forever?

I guess the Lord wants me to accomplish many things rather than fall head over heels for someone. It hurts…I guess.. when your a young adult…no body ever teaches you about relationships once it happened.

I was engaged before, and it hurt like hell with the break up. Then I met my first lover, and then this one… How many times do I have to go through? Why is it so easy for them to just leave when its still so good. Why is it so easy for men to de-attach?

I still believe in love, and I have to.. I just don’t know how many more trials I have to go to.. all I want is a companion who I can feel secure, laugh, and cuddle with, and kiss forever.

Why is it so difficult

• This topic was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by lil.lily.