Lost and hopeless

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by Heather.

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August 3, 2014 at 1:07 am #62471

Wyn
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I have reached the brink of despair and hopelessness. I dread getting out of bed. I’ve taken to sleeping as much as I can to avoid having to live. I graduated from school two tears ago and now i’m 25 with nothing to show for it. I went to a shiity university and majored in a useless degree. Since then i’ve worked in food service jobs because they are the only jobs I can get. I have no self confidence, I can barely hold a conversation with other people. I am over weight, unattractive and uninteresting. I literally have no idea how to live. I see people growing bored with me whenever I try to talk. I am writing on here because I literally have no close friends or anyone I can ask for advice. My family is distant and I have no one to talk to. I tried talking to a therapist but I ended up feeling worse about myself so I stopped going. I moved to a new city out of desperation this spring hoping I would be able to have a fresh start but I just fell back into my old ways. I ended up working in another coffee shop because that was the only place that would hire me. I am bored and desperate. I want to have friends but I mm so socially anxious and shy no one ever wants to hang out with me and I never get invited anywhere. I want to work somewhere that actually pays me a living wage but I have no skills and I lack any self-confidence so I doubt anyone would hire me. I thought about going back to school but I am already so old and I’ve wasted so much of my life doing nothing I don’t want to do something else I wouldn’t be good at. I just feel like a stupid failure. Everyone I went to college with or meet that is 25 has a job or some direction and I am just wasting my life. I don’t know what to do. I hate the new city I moved to and my roommate situation is a living hell and depressing me even more. I don;t want to move back in with my parents because there is nothing for me there. I just feel like I have no idea how to live and I wish I knew what it was I am supposed to be doing or how to make the world want me. I wish I knew how to make relationships with people. I am so lost. I need to be doing something with my life but I have no idea how.

August 3, 2014 at 2:36 am #62475

Alpal
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Hello Bronwyn:)
First of all I would like to mention that the world DOES need you otherwise you would not even be in it. I am 100% sure that you have skills and interests you just haven’t found them yet. Have you tried to try new skills and hobbies? Here is a list of some http://www.notsoboringlife.com/list-of-hobbies/ . There is no such thing as someone who has nothing to offer, even the slightest blow of wind has a purpose in life but sometimes it takes time to find it , this hard time you are going through is going to make you understand yourself more and look for your true life’s purpose which is why we all need to go through this time in our life where we want to figure out who we are and why we are in this world. When it comes to the way you say that people are getting bored of you and that you are not interesting , this is something that you are saying to yourself , people could be thinking of something else or that might just be their facial expression DONT assume something on your own about what someone else is thinking because you can never ever be sure of it . We are our toughest critics and I’m sure no one thinks of you as low as you think of yourself! When it comes to the confidence it is a journey it is something you must develop , read books on self confidence (I can recommend many) read websites and start that new life journey that is SO fun btw !, decide today that you are going to start a new and improved you, the person you would be proud to be ! Here on tiny buddha you have everything you need to start on becoming the amazing person you were born to be! Don’t ever give up on life because you would not be here if you were not strong enough and beautiful enough to live!
Hope I helped! Let me know if you need to know anything when it comes to starting a new life and becoming the person you always wanted to be:)
Good luck on your new life:)!
Alpal

August 3, 2014 at 5:22 am #62480

Anonymous
Participant

First, I know how you feel. I have felt the same way. There is a solution, being of service to others.

Try this, close your eyes and take a deep breath, as you slowly let it out think of the life you are feeling right now. At this very moment there is nothing to fear, nothing to be disappointed in, all that stuff is in the future, not right now. However, right now is all we have, the only time and place we can ever do anything. This moment is a blessing. Feel the Gratitude! Gratitude feels wonderful, it feels your soul, it is limitless. We always have the breath of life right now to feel grateful for, therefore this feeling is available to us always.

I carefully read every word you wrote looking for indications of your service to others (taking care of others, doing anything that did not provide you a direct reward). The fact that I did not see anything does not mean that you don’t do anything, but that it is not in your perspective, or the way you view your life.

This “pain” that you are feeling is a good thing, because now you are willing to change.

I spent most of my day yesterday volunteering for organizations, driving people around, calling family members offering to perform tasks. Yes I have done these things before but reluctantly, eager to get them over quickly. Now I pause several times each day and am thankful for this moment, at that time, and the freedom for Fear and Ego (self deprecation is just another for of Ego not the opposite that one would think it is).

A person such as me has to go deep into service and self-sacrifice to avoid the worry and depression that my Ego causes.

August 3, 2014 at 7:26 pm #62552
Big blue
Participant
Hi Bronwyn,

Cool name!

I had a time when I was out of work and sleeping as much as possible once. At twice your age. I was really down and reached a very low point. What did I do? It was miserable. I accepted myself for where I was. That made me feel better. Kind of a relief. Took the pressure off. Then I got myself going. It took a while. Weeks, months. But with active job hunting I got a break, really prepared for the interview, nailed it, and got the job. Before that there were many interviews where I was not a good fit so I did not do well. Then I found a better job. And now a great job. During this time I did what Alpal advised – self help. My best advice is for you to hit the gym every day. You will soon feel better and it will help your confidence. Lift weights. You need to build muscle. This will transform you. Do cardio such as a Spin class – it’s fun and you will lose yourselk in it. That’s better for you than sleeping to lose yourself. But, take your own steps. There is no right or wrong. You are right as you are.

Volunteering is also a great action and experience as well – as Anonymous said. Find something, anything that you can do. Ideally pick something you care about. Lacking that pick something and try it.

Big blue
- This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
August 3, 2014 at 11:57 pm #62561

Laura
Participant

Hi Bronwyn,

You sound like you’re going through the horrors, I know that hopeless feeling, I have been there myself when at 28 I found myself made redundant, with no job prospects, back living at home with my parents and then I broke my ankle, to say it was a low point was an understatement, I spent a year of this and thought i would never come through it.

I don’t know you, but from your language it’s clear you’re a sensitive soul. No one wants to hear the ‘try and be positive’ ‘chin up’ all the usual when you’re feeling low but if you just look at the facts….you say you got a useless degree from a shitty university? Well Wow you have a degree, there are so many poeople in the world who don’t have a degree, It show’s you stuck through and worked hard at something even though you didn’t believe in it, imagine what you could do if you found something you actually believed in?

You say ‘i want to work somewhere that pays me a living wage’ but yet you have been working in a coffee shop, is it not paid work?? And if you think about it you have the opportunity to gain so many skills there, it’s not just about making coffee, it’s about serving customers, being efficient, money handling, stocktaking etc and those skills could be transferred to any other job, It’s all about attitude.

Sounds like your confidence is at an all time low, you’re comparing yourself to others, you’re thinking people find you boring(and believe me I’ve been there I saw people becoming bored with me when I talked) but it’s all about regaining your confidence and everything else will fall into place. You say you’re overweight and unattractive (i’m sure that’s not true), why not do something like join a class/group(like Zumba) where you can meet people and feel good about yourself and feel attractive, and that can take the social anxiety thing out of it, just let loose.

It took me a year to sort myself out, I decided enough was enough this is my life I’m getting back on track so I volunteered to work with people with disabilities and then I saw a course in the local paper, It was paid pittance but you got training and in house experience, that’s 4 years ago now and i’m a permanent member of the organisation and love my job, goes without saying I moved out of my parents! and i took up running, the confidence has flew!

You too can get your life back on track, with a little effort and just figure out one small thing you want to do, and your self confidence will grow and all that doubt and anxiety you’re feeling will eventually go away.

Best of Luck

August 5, 2014 at 2:26 pm #62714

Heather
Participant

Hi Bronwyn,

I have been where you are more times than I want to admit. It was not until about a year and a half ago that I had a wake up call and have started changing my life.

I will tell you that it is NEVER to late to go back to school and start your life over. I received my Bachelor’s degree when I was 32, and I was not the oldest graduate. We had many “older” students that were receiving their Bachelor’s degrees that year. The one thing I will tell you is that when you return to college as an “older” student you appreciate your education way more than those kids that have just finished high school. You have life experience that you can put into your education and there is SO much that you can contribute in classes.

I even worked on campus at my college. I worked in the Student Activities center, so I was around students that were almost half my age. They respected me and I made some amazing friendships with them. At times they would look to me for advice and they all admired me for what I was doing. It was great.

Currently, I am not using my degree in the position that I have and it irritates me, but over the past year I have realized that I am in the position I am in for some reason that is beyond my knowledge. I am also looking at going BACK to college, this time for my Master’s degree. Yes, I will be a college student once again at the age of 37.

What I have learned over the past year and a half is that everything happens for a reason and often times we have no idea why things happen at the time. Sometimes we discover the why, and sometimes we never know, but there is always a reason.

Take each day and put one step in front of the other. Pick one thing that you want to do and do one thing each day to work towards that goal. If it is losing weight, make it a point to park further away from the entrance of the store, maybe eat a salad for lunch, or drink 2 sodas instead of 5. If it is going back to school make a list of the things you like to do, look at different programs from different colleges, sign-up for 1 class at the community college for the next term/semester. Every little step towards your goal is one step closer than you were.

As for moving back in with your parents, don’t feel ashamed to move back in with your parents if that is what you need to do to move forward. Sometimes you have to take a step or 2 backwards in order to take some steps forward. Remember, if you are working towards a goal to get a different degree, then living with your parents saves you money on having to pay out for an apartment for a bit. It is NOT something that is “forever,” it is a temporary solution as you work on a permanent fix.

You are right where you need to be at this time. You are an AMAZING person with a TON of potential to do AMAZING things. Don’t let this little bump in the road keep you down.

Also, as someone else said, don’t try to read into people’s reactions to you. You do not know what they are thinking or dealing with. They may have just been told some bad news and are processing it, or they may be struggling like you and are afraid to share it. I have been told many times that I “look like a b***ch” and have been told to smile. I have a face that in it’s “normal” state may come across as being mad, upset, or b***chy, but I am really not feeling that way, I am actually very happy.

Good luck and take care!
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