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Love is Overrated

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #50149
    Cyd
    Participant

    I can’t seem to understand how a person can’t go all the way with you. By this I mean someone who doesn’t tell you how they really feel and be upfront and truthful. They would rather vanish and block you for days at a time when you constantly hound them for answers. It’s like they backpedal. First they give you a definitive answer and then a couple days later they are back to being confused or dragging their feet in giving you something that you want. You have stressed to them time after time that being upfront and telling you how they feel wouldn’t hurt you but instead they refuse to be truthful and they end up hurting you anyway. Then they blame your pain on you! It’s like they aren’t able to go all the way with you. They aren’t built like that.

    #50195
    Karin
    Participant

    Hi Cyd,

    I’m so sorry to read about your disappointment with love. Love is such a warm and magical thing, I believe there is love within you always.
    When I read your message the word ‘they’ comes up a lot. It made me wonder about what it is that you do and feel and say?

    Sometimes it just doesn’t work with someone. I have had a lot of ‘bad’ relationships. I was single for 4 years, and then I realized a couple of things:
    – I and I alone am responsible for my life, for my happiness, for my past choices and for the choices I will make in the future.
    – If I want to be truly happy with someone else, I first have to be truly happy with myself
    – Happiness and love cannot be demanded from another person, they can only be shared

    That first one helped me to take control of my life again, to have the power to forgive others and myself, to work on my confidence, to work on loving myself.

    I’m in a loving relationship now and I know I still have a lot to learn, but I’m less scared now, I need less assurance from my partner.

    Dear Cyd, you have everything you need right there within you. Look for it with mildness, take responsibility for your own reactions and your own choices. You are not a victim of overrated love, you are a student of life of which love is the most beautiful lesson.

    kindest regards,
    Karin

    #50201
    Alf
    Participant

    All you can do is be yourself.

    #50266
    Mike
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear you had to experience that. 🙁 I broke up with my ex in mid-December after discovering she was involved with someone else for quite some time. I had never experienced a pain that profound before. It hurt so much feeling like my emotions were playthings to her since she told me she loved me and then just wanted to take things slowly before she told me the truth. I was very bitter and angry when I first learned of this since I tried to be the best person I could for her and it really stung to learn that she simply doesn’t want to be involved with me.

    Most days now I feel pretty good because I’m making a lot of progress working on myself but there are some days where that pain threatens to overwhelm me. I just keep telling myself that I did everything I possibly could and that she simply doesn’t want to be involved with and it does help me. Even with the occasional moments of pain I can say I am very glad my relationship is over because I can see how toxic it was now since I allowed myself to be treated with disrespect for so long because I was afraid of being alone. Being treated like that feels absolutely awful. The only option I see available, at least for me, is to treat it as just another life experience and to continue trying to elevate my own life

    #50607
    Cyd
    Participant

    Thanks for your replies everyone! Karin, I definitely understand that I have to love myself before I love someone else or let them love me. I’ve been on a path of personal growth for about a year now and I have made progress but still do not think I am at a stage where I can love someone fully and feel like that is reciprocated. Yet I still feel that I need someone in my life that does that. I would say I need to find things that make me happy by myself first. 🙂

    Mike, it definitely is the worst feeling when someone can not be upfront with you and let you know how they are feeling. I guess since I’m the total opposite I seem to not understand how they can do that. The only option seems to be to let go but it’s hard when you feel like a person is inevitably meant to be in your life forever. Unfortunately people come and go and once I learn to truly accept that without looking to rekindle these relationships I will be fine. Through this I’m learning more about what I want and don’t want in relationships.

    Thanks!

    #50615
    Jackie
    Participant

    Karin,

    What a beautiful and insightful response. God Bless. I am so happy for you.

    #50617
    Jackie
    Participant

    Cyd,

    I think you still need time to get over that person in addition to just accepting the fact you are not at the stage you would like to be which I sense is the stage where you fully can be at peace with yourself and the event that broke your heart. I know–easier said than done. but I think the fact you realized your state your mind is already a huge step into overcoming your emotions of sadness. God Bless. I hope everything works out for you in time.

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