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Love, loss, hurt.

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  • This topic has 11 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Anonymous.
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  • #400607
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi! I’m lea, I’m a 19 year old student, and I’ve been feeling pretty alone lately. Everyone where I am pretends they’re fine when they obviously are not. No one acknowledges that mental health exists. That there is years of healing after even the smallest event.
    I am creating this topic because I want to hear your story.
    thank you, I love you all.
    lea

    #400697
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea!

    I think these are some big issues prevalent within society. For a long time society has been inherently abusive. Women used to be possessions and denied the opportunity to vote. Slavery existed for a long time and physical abuse was widely accepted. We are all feeling the effects of centuries of abuse. Fortunately there have been some positive changes.

    My story is that I was abused as a child. I got therapy, left home, went to college and got my first couple of jobs. As you know in university I was assaulted by another student. My ptsd kicked off and I shut myself away from the world.

    I waited for therapy for 2 years. I tried and on the first day my therapist asked me to write about the assault as homework so I quit. After waiting another 2 years I was reassigned to the same therapist. I decided to give her another chance and she was extremely helpful. She apologised for pushing me too quickly too soon. I had schema therapy and prolonged exposure therapy under her care and withdrew from the anxiety medication because it was interfering with therapy.

    Then I developed health issues. I was so ill that I couldn’t walk for 6 months. It has been painful and challenging slowly making progress to regain strength and stamina.

    At the same time, I had to relearn how to function emotionally because I had been on some strong medication for 6 years. Without it I didn’t know how to relax. Needless to say, I had a breakdown.

    Slowly, I started learning to better manage my health and anxiety. Adapting to my new lifestyle.

    I met my future husband. I started volunteering to develop skills at jobs that would help me work with health issues. I started doing easy distance learning courses to build my confidence. Now I’m doing a bachelors remotely.

    You’re right. These things do affect our lives for a long time. I’m not going to lie. For a time I did compare my life to people my own age. But perhaps it’s more appropriate to compare my life to people who have had similar struggles. For me, that helped me to be less self-critical, develop patience and empathy for myself.

    #400699
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Helcat, you are incredible. I am so sorry that you experienced abuse and an assault. I’m so proud of what you’ve overcame. Thank you for sharing your story.

    #400711
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea!

    That’s very kind of you to say! But I don’t think I’ve overcome it all. Even with some recovery there is still more to healing to do.

    I would like to be able to study in a physical classroom one day. I would like to feel comfortable around people of any age and gender. I would like to make friends. I would like to develop confidence. I would like to work part-time. I would like to drive. I would like to physically recover more so I am able to take care of all of my responsibilities and experience less pain. I would like to be able to cope with stress well. I would like to reduce my anxiety even further.

    On the plus side, I feel like my life is just beginning and I am hopeful.

    #400730
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hello Lea, I posted my story on another thread so will just try to be brief.  I experiencedand witnessed domestic violence as a child in the home.  In highschool, I experienced a lot of ridicule and taunts, and was extremely lonely.  When I was 15, I took a large number of my mothers benzodiazepams.  I was found unconscious and taken to hospital. After waking up maybe 2 days later, I was seen by psychiatrists and transferred to a psychiatric hospital.  At 16, I left home and school to undertake a cadetship in an occupation of my choice.</p>
     

    All my life, I looked for love.  I was desperate for love and acceptance and made poor choices.

    Now I am in my senior years, I no longer look for love and acceptance.  I live a quite life although I still work full-time.  I have a very small number of close friends, and I have 2 dogs who are like children and friends to me.  I have an affinity with animals.  I don’t trust many people. I prefer mostly to be on my own with my dogs who give me so much love and affection.  One of my dogs was a rescue dog who had a really terrible life before she came to live with me.  I’m always amazed at how loving and happy she is despite where she came from.  I try to give both my dogs the best ever life.  I have also taken on rescue ponies in the past.

    I won’t be able to retire for a few years yet, but I would really love to care for more rescue dogs

    #400731
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    HoneyBlossom,

    I am so sorry to hear that you witness domestic violence and were bullied. What you experienced is horrible. Other kids can be really nasty. I can understand how isolated you must have felt!

    Animals are amazing. I’m so happy that you have your dogs. The fact that you rescued them is amazing. I am proud of what you have overcome. Thank you for sharing your story. Much love to you,

    Lea

     

    #400732
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Helcat,

    Healing is a lifetime journey unfortunately, I have no doubt in what you can achieve! I am so incredibly happy that you feel hopeful for the future. I believe in you and I’m proud of you.

    thank you again for sharing your story.
    Sending much love,

    Lea

     

    #400733
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Since I’m asking others to share this is my story, this is a medium length summary but I have another thread with my whole story on it:

    When I switched schools in fifth grade my entire life changed. Suddenly I was being bullied and called names, people called me ‘dirty’ ‘cow’ ‘ugly’ I had chairs thrown at me. I was punched in the face and in the stomach. I was tackled to the ground in front of teachers and they didn’t do anything. My house was threatened to be burnt down. I was called ‘stupid’ ‘disgusting’ etc. I was done with life at this point, and my animals saved me. However, As the years went on it got worse.

    Daily at school I experienced physical and emotional bullying. Every day For a year, One kid would grab me and push me over.

    I was locked in a closet, I was forced into a corner and held there. A boy tried to trap me in a room with him. I was kicked down the stairs. I was called ‘fat’ ‘ugly’ people commented on how I didn’t have a  thigh gap. I was told that what I was saying was unnecessary. I was bullied by adults: my running coach and a camp counselor. I am bullied by my sister daily.  I was/am called useless, dumb, stupid, crazy, idiotic, worthless, ‘small brained’ and much more.

    I am in university and live with my parents. My parents don’t believe in therapy, and I myself cannot afford it. I am often told that what I have to say is not important. I seek sympathy from strangers on the internet because everyone in my life thinks that what I went through was no big deal and that I’m just ridiculous. Including my family.

    I don’t have grandparents- all of my biological grandparents are alive tho. On my moms side my grandparents left when I was really young, because they were abusive. On my dads side, I had my grandparents until I was 16, when I caught my grandparents bullying my dad and saying mean things to him, I cut them off and they didn’t even care.

    I live with my little sister, parents their two dogs, my dog, and my cows (25 total) two of which are my pets. I don’t have any friends because of my crushing social anxiety. I don’t talk to anyone for that same reason. I have never been on a date, dated, kissed anyone etc. I probably have ADHD and I’m at a point on my life where I’m kinda stuck in a place where I get emotionally beaten down daily, and I have no one to help me get back up. I created this thread to hear other’s stories and feel not so alone.
    thank you to everyone who has shared so far. Thank you so much.

    #400737
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hugs Kea and THANK YOU!  I’m so impressed that you are studying to he s vet.  Do you hope to only work with large animals ir will you wirk with small domestic ones as well?

     

    My vet has guessed my darling teeny rescue girl to be 17 years old though I think she could be younger. She has epilepsy and is on Phenomav which is controlling it.  I told my vet I was convinced she has Cushings Disease because if a number of issues she has.  Blood tests confirmed this

    Due to her age and an existing heart condition, Western medicine won’t be an option. I converted both my dogs to home-cooked, human-grade, easily digestible food – lean meats, fresh vegetable, fish oil and lot of supplements.

    The are also on Chinese medicine and herbs. I bought an infrared torch and am learning advanced photonic therapy – the torch is shone on accupuncture points. I’ve only been doing it a short while, but I do believe Ashwagandha seems tove virtually completely stopped cortisol-induced panting at night.

    She is on Frusemide as and adjunct to heart meds which makes her wee at night, but at bedtime, she gets a disposable nappy on and a onesie over it and she doesn’t mind a bit.  If I knew how to post photos I would.  She is only 3kg in weight.

     

    #400744
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi HoneyBlossom:

    I hope to work with mostly big/farm animals, but probably some farm dogs/cats as well.

    Wow she is an old lady!!! Cushings and epilepsy can be quite serious, I’m glad you have a diagnosis for her! yeah Frusemide will do it, that stuff really gets the pee flowing haha. Phenomav/phenobarbitone Also increases urination.
    It sounds like you take very good care of your dogs, that makes me so happy. There are lots of dogs out there that aren’t cared for well. I’ve unfortunately seen some. Thank you for the care you give to them. And you mentioned you rescued ponies too- I have a bit of a soft spot for ponies- thank you for rescuing them too. I hope you can rescue more dogs, I think it’s wonderful what you are doing. Thank you.

    #400989
    sree
    Participant

    Hi Lea,

     

    I hope you find peace in your heart.

     

    I have been through various scenarios (deaths, breakups, jobless, etc.) that made me feel lonely and feel worthless. I am going through one at the moment. Maybe I can understand your feelings and relate to your situation.

     

    What I do when I am in such situations is, to work towards getting myself better. Either physically or mentally or through education or whatever you think that can add value to your life. That way when I look back I am able to see the growth I achieved as a person and the transformation I witnessed in the process.

     

    Feeling lonely and helpless is terrible. No one wishes to be there even if situation forces us to be. But when we cannot change our situation I believe we need to work on us to face it and eventually to become a better human being. I always remember this quote to reassure myself:

     

    “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

     

    Take care Lea.

    #401084
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Sree, I am so sorry to hear about the difficult times you’ve had to endure lately. I hope you are able to get through such a time. thank you for the advice. It is greatly appreciated. Thank you for sharing the quote as well it is something to remember.
    thank you Sree for responding to my thread. My day is made.
    Take care and have a wonderful evening.
    lea

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