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Love my bf but does he love me

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • December 18, 2017 at 3:52 am #182693
    JemmaJune
    Participant

    I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. We’re pretty serious, we’ve been on holiday together to Europe, and we just celebrated our first anniversary with a weekend away. Overall I would say we have a good emotional connection.

    Unfortunately, even though I would love to stay with him, I don’t think he is attracted to me. In our whole year together, we have never had sex. We have only kissed less than ten times – all of which I initiated. I want him to want me, and I don’t think I can continue our passion-less relationship – even though everything else is pretty good.

    I’m tired of having to take the first steps, and I want him to want me like other guys have – chased me, lusted for me etc.

     

    What should I do?

    December 18, 2017 at 4:33 am #182703
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JemmaJune:

    Did you ask him or did he tell you why he has not shown interest in having a sexual relationship with you?

    anita

    December 18, 2017 at 4:34 am #182705
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t get submitted correctly…

    December 18, 2017 at 4:37 am #182707
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi JemmaJune,

    Some people are asexual. Some guys are incredibly passive. I say keep him as a “cuddle buddy” and as a best friend. Then later (or sooner!) acquire a real boyfriend. Of course you will have to be brutally (yet gently) honest. Say you don’t want to change him and you love him exactly as he is but you are a sexual being. That you should shed the “boyfriend/girlfriend” definition.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    December 18, 2017 at 4:39 am #182709
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi JemmaJune,

    Have you discussed this with him? Maybe he does not believe in sex before marriage. Still, I feel after a year together, if you feel you are serious like you say, things should be a little more intimate. Cuddling, kissing, holding hands, physical bonding. You have your needs, and if he is not meeting them, it can make you feel rejected and frustrated, I can imagine. I would have a talk with him, to see if he envisions a future with you. Have you met his parents? If you make advanced toward him, what does he do..does he pull away? I would take all this into consideration and re-evaluate the relationship.

    December 18, 2017 at 4:47 am #182711
    JemmaJune
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your comments. I am nervous to discuss with him. We have ‘slept together’ in the same bed, spooned, have made out but no sex of any form. It’s very confusing. I am not aware of him having previous sexual experience (unlike how he knows I have), and don’t know how to approach the topic with him.

    December 18, 2017 at 4:56 am #182715
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi JemnaJane,

    Maybe just write it out. Writing your feelings down, makes it easier to express it in person. Just tell him, you feel confused about your relationship, how he feels about you, and you are looking for more than friendship. Has he been to a sex therapist for help in this area..someone to talk to?

    December 18, 2017 at 5:01 am #182717
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JemmaJane:

    Are you afraid to ask him why he has not pursued a sexual relationship with you, or why he didn’t respond sexually to you? If so, what is it that scares you about asking him?

    anita

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