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Low Confidence

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  • November 6, 2015 at 11:53 pm #86910
    Sarah
    Participant

    I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful man for almost 2 years now. We live together and things were going great up until a few months ago. Certain things in our relationship changed and Ive lost the confidence I used to have. Jealousy has now become an issue, I struggle with insecurities every day. Ive talked to my partner about these issues for awhile now, yet there doesnt seem to be a large change. Small changes happen here and there which is wonderful, but nothing consistent. I used to be a happy and bubbly person, and he used to make me feel like there was no other woman on the planet other than myself. But lately, I just dont feel that anymore. He says that its him and not me, that he loves me just as much if not more than ever. But i struggle to feel things with him. Its hard to explain how i feel, but I dont feel that wild connection that we used to feel. He is always trying to make me laugh and smile, but at the end of the day, i struggle to feel what i need from him. He has alot of female friends, all from before we started dating, and they never used to be an issue until i started feeling insecure in our relationship. Ive started to question things, i feel like im going crazy in my mind. Im just not sure what to do. I want to be completely and utterly happy like i used to be, but not sure what I need to do to ensure that. Im confused and lost and fighting a battle with my head and my heart

    November 7, 2015 at 1:11 am #86912
    jock
    Participant

    but I dont feel that wild connection that we used to feel. He is always trying to make me laugh and smile, but at the end of the day, i struggle to feel what i need from him

    I think you might be expecting too much. Relationships can’t maintain that honeymoon feeling for long. 2 years is pretty good really.
    What do you need from him exactly? Try to see from his point of view would be my advice. My opinion is a guy’s opinion (my first instinct was to see your post from his point of view)so you will need to hear from the ladies as well.

    November 7, 2015 at 4:35 am #86914
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi lchevy86,

    It’s normal for that falling in love feeling to change to “just” love after the second year. He has no control over that. It sounds like he is the same person!

    As far as the female friends he’s had before he met you ~ either your intuition is right or it’s a false alarm. Do you sense the other women are interested in HIM? Not actively, but like if you broke up with him would they be happy to date him if he asked? Do you sense he’s looking at other people now that your Honeymoon Phase is winding down? Not actively, but comparison window shopping?

    Are you interested in starting a family? Maybe your anxiety is your subconscious saying “When is this going to happen?”

    I would make it a blanket rule that if he sees his old female friends then you will go with him. And he goes with you if you see your old guy friends. Whether you’re sensing something or just insecure, it can’t hurt. Example: If I don’t bring my wallet with me in the mall then I couldn’t buy anything even if I wanted to! LOL

    Blessings,

    Inky

    November 7, 2015 at 10:02 am #86930
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ichevy86:

    You wrote that certain things in your relationship a few months ago changed. Were those things external changes? What were those?

    Or were those things internal changes, such as what was termed above the end of the Honeymoon stage which could mean that your great desire to love and be loved was satisfied long enough for you to relax enough so that the old hurts and fears and doubts from before meeting him are popping out, as if saying: “wait, we are still here!

    ???
    anita

    November 10, 2015 at 9:52 pm #87198
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks everyone for your wonderful words of advice!

    We’ve since talked things out – and ive expressed my concerns and hurt feelings. Both agreed that the said “honeymoon” phase is over, but does not mean our relationship is dead. The lines of communications has opened back up – as it should. I have started to look at things from his point of view to make sure im getting both sides of things. I think deep down i have underlaying issues from previous relationships that i unknowingly bring into my current relationship which is not fair. Time to work on myself too 🙂

    November 10, 2015 at 11:00 pm #87200
    Este
    Participant

    Hello Lauren!

    These feelings may come back again sometime. So when it does, keep this in mind – What do you need and want from this relationship?

    It is normal for humans to want to feel validated. But, that is a ‘want’ you see. We need to validate ourselves, by loving, caring, be kind etc…to ourselves. It is only when we are at peace with ourselves, life will be better. Simply because we see how we feel and think. 🙂

    So yes! Work on yourself, constantly. Be naked honest with yourself. No one is going to judge you except yourself. We have fears and stuff but that can only make us stronger. 😀

    Feel better soon! Om.

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