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Making up breaking up relationship/what is love?

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  • #48755
    Bernadette
    Participant

    Please anyone tell e why I keep hurting myself over and over again in the same relationship, Im scared to be alone, don’t think I will find anyone else to love me or be with me..my main focus is the issues of this relationship, my bf plays hot and cold on me, we break up and make up, so many times, 5 yrs ongoing, we are both in our forties. our families have had enough and im kind of depressed about all this… this week I have been very poorly with the flu, had respiratory problems, I called him at work to say im at the doctors, he just couldn’t care less, he hasn’t called or text to c if im better…. some days he will text and call me every hour, some days its nothing, I have to do all the calling and texting and he would not even reply. saying hes busy.
    We had a nice xmas and new year together, he bought me presents, took me out for meals and he was planning for us to go away next weekend, 3days ago things went doomed again, if I try talking to him about it he says im dramatic and im looking for arguments. so I keep silent, our families have had enough of this drama, my adult son will not tlak to him, so he is not welcome at my house, we use to live together tho, for 4yrs until a big argument and he went to live with his mum September last year.

    It is a very sad situation for me, I don’t know what to do, my son and friends keeps telling me this guy is a loser and im wasting my time and this guy is just playing mind games with me. I just don’t know how to handle this… the real problem is some weeks he is so nice and kind, will try his best and other times he just retreats and make as if im just a casual friend.

    #48756
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Bernadette,
    You admit that you are self destructive in this relationship. You also point to a reason why you have stayed in such a poor relationship, i.e. fear of being alone, fear of not being worthy enough.

    You are asking what to do. Re-read what you said in the first sentence. What would you advise anyone else who wrote what you wrote?

    What would you say to someone who has suffered a five year up-and-down relationship with no self esteem?

    I am sorry for your pain. The answer is in the mirror.

    Mark

    .

    #48776
    Manuel Durán
    Participant

    Hi there,

    From what you’ve said I believe you should focus on yourself, your boyfriend might have become as he doesn’t care, but what’s important is that you care, that you care for yourself. It sounds to me that you might work on loving more yourself maybe I time separated will do good, I thing you should focus on building yourself and becoming your best friend besides take into account that being separated doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing since you are not possessions of each other. When you love you gotta let go sometimes and according to what you’re saying maybe life is asking you to engage a relationship with yourself before you can fix any other relationship. Be kind to him, be at the better terms but isolate from him for a while to think what’s wrong. A relationship’s purpose isn’t about feeling sad or bad, it’s otherwise so when that isn’t happening you must reconsider.

    Feel blessed every day you wake up Bernadette. Best regards.

    #55624
    crystal
    Participant

    Hi dearest Bernie,
    I can totally understand how u must be feeling. You have to realize that this is theway he will be for the rest of his life..this is how he is and i doubt if there will be any change. If he s not worried about you why are you so concerned with the matter?? I know you for a way little time and im genuinely tensed about your health and your bf knows you for 5 years and he s barely bothered is a HUGE disappointment. As i did tell u before- you deserve someone better and im sure you ll find tat person. The very fact that you took so much of your time to write about this guy s behaviour tells that you re not happy with him. U shud be in a relationship to feel special and loved, not neglected and not cared for…
    I know im replying very late and i dont have any idea of whats goin on now, but i just wish that u r happy wherever u r..Take Care.

    Warm rgds,
    Crystal…

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by crystal.
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