Hi Tiny Buddha Family,

A lot of growth and pain has happened recently. The good news, I’m starting to disassociate less. And I actually experienced feeling sad from start to finish without going into my head and looping—(I’m feeling my emotions and regulating them! Yay!). However, being in therapy is starting to shine a better light on my upbringing. And I believe my mom is on the borderline spectrum. She didn’t call me names or commit any physical abuse. But she used (and uses) me for validating her feelings and regulating her emotions. She’s covertly manipulative, which drives me crazy—for instance, she may talk about how open, funny, and great one of my siblings is to me—I start to feel confused because is she really just giving my sibling a compliment or, in a convoluted way, is she expressing that she wishes I’d be more open? I don’t know. It can go both ways and has.

I realized I can’t count on my mom to be emotionally there for me because she rarely has. It sucks because I realized when I’m having a bad day or am feeling down, I can’t text my mom and tell her about my bad day because I’m not sure what reaction I’ll get. I feel sad, depressed, and alone to know that I can’t rely on my mom—one of the few people you’re supposed to be able to rely on.

Do you have wise words of wisdom? I’d really appreciate it. Thanks