Moral Dilemma

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    I had to move out of my last place because I found out that my landlord hadnt declared I was living there and got a discount for sole occupancy.

    I paid rent with all bills included, so I had no idea.  As soon as I found out, I made arrangements to leave.

    Now that I’m in a sticky situation I find myself homeless in a few days, I had hoped to move back to the area.

    My dilemma is, if I go back to the same area, the council I’m asking for homeless help with are going to ask my previous address and this might flag the previous issue.

    I dont want to get into trouble and despite everything I dont want to get my landlord in trouble either.

    So do I forget it and suffer (by staying in a bad location, with nowhere to go) or do I risk it and see what happens?



    Dear MisunderstoodAustistic

    Sorry to hear about your situation.

    Let me know if I’ve got this right – so you rented a place for yourself, where you had to pay the rent, power, water, etc. However later on, you found out that it was a sub-lease, which wasn’t allowed, so you were forced to move out (or you voluntarily moved out knowing that it was bad for you.) Now that you have moved out, you do not have a place to stay and you’ve asked council for homeless help. But they might ask questions that might put you or your landlord in an uncomfortable position.

    Is that correct?

    I guess what I think might work for you is that:

    1) You urgently need somewhere to settle down. Do you have family members or friends that can help you? I don’t know what country you’re in, and how things work over there. If you have some money with you, can you find somewhere like a backpackers place where you can stay for a few days or a couple weeks (instead of being “homeless”, which I suppose, is not good for you)? You have to be sure that you can take care of yourself.

    2) Perhaps it is too late now. But you need a “contingency” plan for whatever you are going to do. I think you might be a bit too reckless when you moved out. You do not have a place to stay. It is better for you to know where you are going so that you can be sure that you’re safe. I’m more worried about you than whatever it is about the situation where you or your landlord might get into trouble.

    3) If the landlord allowed you to live there without letting you know that it is not allowed under the lease, then they must be responsible for that. However it does not mean that you have to put them under the spotlight if the council does ask you questions. You could be more “generic” in your answer, for example, you can say that you used to share a place with someone. But for some reasons you’re not allowed back to that place anymore, so you need help.

    4) I don’t mean to judge you but I think your name really got my attention. Let me know if I have interpreted it correctly. So you are either formally diagnosed or you’re aware that you have autism (or ASD), and you feel that you might be misunderstood if you ask anything here that might not make sense to others. Could you please let me know whether I have understood the above correctly? (If you are comfortable with it, we can discuss it further.)

    Take care.


    Hello LemonTree,

    Thank you for your reply.

    No, you havent understood me exactly.

    I rented a caravan in a field from a farmer.  I paid rent which was inclusive of all bills, so I never paid any utility bills, I didnt even pay for lightbulbs.  In the UK, you have to pay council tax, I found out that he had been claiming single occupancy and receiving a 25% discount on this bill and that the council were asking questions about me staying there.  He told them I didnt actually live there and just used it as an address.

    As it was all bills included, I had no idea he had been doing this until he told me.  I felt very uncomfortable about being a part of this fraud.  He also gold me he woild have to increase my rent to cover the discount he would lose, which I couldn’t afford.  I later found out, he was increasing my rent for the entire council tax bill.

    At that time, I moved in with my sister and have been here a year. She is kicking me out in 3 days, therefore I have nowhere to go.  My sister lives 4 hours away from the farm I used to live on.

    I dont want to stay in this location as I dont know anybody and am not familiar with it, therefore I am looking for alternative accommodation in familiar places.

    The first place I picked, which is close to my friend, the council, who are the ones who prevent homelessness, said that because I have no family or work ties to the area, they couldn’t help me.

    They suggested I contact the council where I have 6 years address history, which is where I had to leave.

    So my question is, if I go back to that council, they may pick up on the fact that it actually was my address and I did live there and then start asking questions again about the council tax that was not paid for me there.

    1. I dont have any family or friends that can put me up.  It’s also difficult me being so far away.  I have spent the last 6 months looking for somewhere to live, but as I’m not working due to ill health, it’s very difficult.

    A hostel wouldbt work for me as I find it very stressful being around other people, especially strangers.

    2. Wasnt reckless leaving there, as explained.  However, being kicked out of my current place with only a weeks notice hasnt exactly left me with manh options. Like I said, I’d been trying to find housing for months.

    3. I cant be generic as they ask for proof of address, therefore I would have to prove that I lived there, which then opens up the questions.

    4. I am formerly diagnosed as Autistic, but only last year at the age of 38.  I say misunderstood because the people I have told have not understood.  I’ve had “everyone is a bit autistic” to “it doesn’t change anything” to just being told to “toughen up” when I’ve said I dont understand something.

    I also say this because I feel my sister who is kicking me out, doesn’t understand. She says my “issues” arent related to Autism.  I feel like I’m suffering from Autistic Burnout, but she doesn’t believe me.

    She says that because she is a nurse, has worked with Autistic people in the past and has a degree in psychology, that she knows better than me.

    I’ll admit, I’m still learning, I was pretty much diagnosed and left to get on with it.  However I’ve been reading a book called Unmasking Autism, I literally wrote down 2 A4 pages worth of symptoms that I could relate to.

    On my other post on here, the person who responded said it was “a mental health diagnosis” again, this is a misunderstanding.  Autism is a disability, it affects all areas of life.  It’s not a mental health issue as people seem to think, although masking causes some mental health issues.

    I hope that answers some of your questions.



    Dear Misunderstood Autistic

    I am sorry you are in a scary and perplexing place.

    I have to keep this short as my internet connection keeps breaking.

    A sight called workaway matches up people with need of help with things like farming/ animals/labour etc they exchange food and accomadation in exchange for 20/25 hours a week. Also WOOFing working On Organic Farms may help you.

    Roughly what are of the UK are you situated in?

    Kind regards



    Hello MisunderstoodAutistic

    I’m actually on my way to work now so I’ll keep it short. Thanks for sharing that with me.

    I hope that it has helped you a little bit as you wrote about what has been troubling you (instead of talking about it which you might not be comfortable with).

    I think Roberta has given some great advice above. Do you think it helps?

    I am not in the UK and I am not familiar with farms, and after reading your reply I think the best that I can do is to perhaps discuss it with you to help you overcome some of the emotional issues, only if you’re comfortable with it.

    However it terms of housing I’m thinking it might be too complicated for me as now I’m aware that it is not something that I have dealt with before.



    Dear Farnaz:

    I’m happy to hear it. There are few people who can understand these family dynamics, not that it’s uncommon, but it’s so painful to see it for what it is…“- very well said.. says I!

    As you wrote (in) your note 2 days ago, he would do what was easy and convenient for him… he was not a good guy… I couldn’t discern between him being a jerk, or me exaggerating.. couldn’t trust myself“- he was not a good guy and not a good father.

    Her idea of a good life is me being inferior to her and serving her, and make my father insult me in front of her… 2 weeks ago, she tried to contact me and get me to invite her over… I’m so worried about her , lol“- lol indeed, I would never invite her over!

    One thing about her that I hated was some people who knew about our relationship basically.. didn’t believe (me)… so I cut ties with all these people, and I blocked her number too” – good thing, you don’t want people who abused you, and people who invalidate your real-life experience of abuse… in your life!



    * I apologize, MisunderstoodAutistic, and other members: I mistakenly re-submitted here a reply that I submitted previously to another thread, where it belongs. I am sorry for the disruption!




    Thank you for your message.

    The things you mentioned would not be suitable for me, but thank you.

    My situation has changed anyway, a friend of mine has taken me in, so I am no longer in that place.

    I have decided not to go forward, so the moral dilemma doesn’t exist anymore.




    Thank you for your message.

    As mentioned to Roberta, my situation has changed now and I am no longer considering this option, therefore I can forget about this moral dilemma.

    Thank you for replying to me and trying to help.


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