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Mother trouble

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  • July 9, 2017 at 9:34 pm #157266
    Aswathi
    Participant

    My mother is very lonely and unhappy since my Dad passed away 4 years back. Shes not happy when she visits for couple of months, constantly complaining about the loneliness and being jealous of anyone else who is happy. I find it extremely difficult to handle this.she makes it sound like her happiness is my responsibility and I am failing at it. I frankly don’t enjoy her stay with me due to her complaining and worried when she is alone at her house.

    Any advice on how I can find peace with this situation.

    July 9, 2017 at 9:50 pm #157272
    Macy
    Participant

    Aswathi

    I’m sorry to hear of your dad’s passing.

    I’m also sorry to hear of the heavy burden you feel from your mom’s unhappiness. It does put a lot of stress on you, which isn’t fair.

    Does your mom have hobbies? Or maybe suggest some type of activity…like yoga, or if she enjoys crafts she can’t join groups.

    She is obviously in a slump and it’s not good for her or you. …and will put a strain on your relationship. ..which you don’t want. Everyone deals with death differently and everyone has their own time to heal..are you able to talk to her about joining groups? I feel as though she doesn’t have enough to keep her busy and her mind is racing and misses the company of your dad when she sees other people enjoying life and it’s like a self torchure she is doing, but it’s also hurting you.

    Macy

    July 10, 2017 at 7:41 am #157286
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Aswathi:

    My advice: explain to her that her complaining is distressing you because there is nothing you can do about her unhappiness beyond what you already have done, and because what you already have done made no difference to her. It causes you to feel helpless, angry.. (you know what you feel, so express that). Explain to her that it is not responsible of her to complain a lot, because it is spreading her unhappiness and it is not helping her.

    If she doesn’t respond to your assertion (above) with empathy for you, sincerely apologizing for distressing you, as she had, and if she doesn’t offer a promise to stop the complaining, then I would not, if I was in your place, have her visit me again.

    anita

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