Hello, I recently ended a relationship with my first love, so I need to vent a little bit on here. For some context, I’m 22 and he is 28. We met last year, and from the very beggining he told me that he have been trying for a long while to get into a masters degree at the other side of the world, and that if we started a relationship together and he got in, we won’t go long distance. He told me that he had a LDR before and got deeply hurt from it, so he didn’t want to try that ever again. At the time I was ok with it and we kept dating.

By the end of the year, even if he didn’t have the official response, we both knew he was getting into the program. I was happy for him, but at the same time I noticed there was something else happening. Eventually we had our first big fight about this issue because he felt that our relationship was going nowhere, I guess that he being more “adult” than me had this kind of concern but I didn’t, I actually don’t have long term expectations about relationships right now. So we sort that one out and kept together.

Forward to march, he was officially accepted and some days later he broke up with me, because he needed to set his mind up for the new life awaiting for him. I really think he was scared on getting too involved into the relationship and get hurt, due to his “relationship baggage” (let’s call it like that lol), considering some conversations we had afterwads. It was awful, but I understood and didn’t resent him. I truly cared about him and I still do, I think he is a wonderful person and that he deserved that opportunity. I didn’t reach him for a moth or so, until one day I talked to him to catch up. We started to talk again and be friends, but on our first reunion the spark was still there. We decided to get on a relationship again and enjoy the time we still had left. So after that we have the best time together, it was even better than the first time.

Trouble starts when he left. I knew it was coming but still I feel devastated, I can’t help but feel like he abandon me, like if I wasn’t enough. And its absurd, because I know it was the best decision for both of us. We kept talking for some time as friends, but then I was feeling so awful that I asked him for space. So now we don’t talk anymore (and I think it was a good choice) but I still think about him all the time, and I can’t concentrate. I erased his phone number and closed facebook to not stalk him and I don’t know what else to do. I already have a lot going on my life and I can’t get to do my work and studies like I used to, I don’t enjoy my hobbies anymore and I don’t feel like hanging out with friends.

Any advice?

Ps. sorry for spelling and grammar, I’m not a native english speaker