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My Anger That Ruins Relationships of Every Kind

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  • #193227
    Edie
    Participant

    I am mean to the people that I love.

    I’m NOT the victim, in fact, I’m the opposite. I have been horrible to everyone that I care about and I don’t know how to change.

    First of all, my relationship with my mom has been rough since puberty began for me. We have always fought, but lately things are different. A small squabble can easily turn into not talking to each other for the rest of the day, usually my doing. I get so angry and it takes over and makes me stubborn. I don’t let her in when I need to. I storm to my bedroom and I don’t come out until I’ve simmered down. My mom used to come into my bedroom to grill me, comfort me, and everything in between, but she’s given up. This has made it really difficult to make up and stop the fight because when I’m angry like this, there’s always something inside me screaming for me to apologize and get over myself, but I can never seem to do it because of stubborness and pride. It’s all my fault and I don’t know how to change. I think about saying/say the most horrible things to her while fighting that I regret later and I don’t know how to control these fits of rage. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me or if I’m just trying to find something to make it not my own fault. Does anyone else have a similar relationship, feeling, etc.?

    #193233
    Mark
    Participant

    Tiny Buddha website has multiple articles on dealing with anger. Go to the Home page and do a search on “Anger issue.”

    With that said, we learn how to survive and behave from our caregivers, usually that means our parent(s).

    You said that you’ve also fought with your mother plus you are going through puberty.  Both are ingredients for having a hard time controlling/managing/being aware of your emotions at the time they bubble up.

    You said that you can simmer down when you go into your bedroom.  Why don’t you give yourself a timeout before things get out of hand?  Go off to your bedroom before the anger totally consumes you while letting your mother know you are going off to cool off by yourself.  Let your mother before the next argument that this is what you are trying to do to address your anger issue and then she would know to give you space and time to calm down by yourself.

    Let your mother know what you have shared with us, i.e. you are struggling with how you express your anger and want to change your behavior.  This way she can help you or at least be aware of what is going on inside with you.

    Check out the Tiny Buddha articles as well.

    Good for you for being aware of your issue and wanting to change it.

    Mark

    #193317
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Edie:

    Your first sentence is: “I am mean to the people that I love”- before this came to be there was someone you loved, someone you trusted, someone you were not angry at, someone who you reached out to with nothing but love and that someone was mean to you.

    Who was it?

    anita

     

    #193259
    Paul
    Participant

    Hi my first time, but nervous. This is where my life spirals out of control, my anger, I aim all of mine at the one person who has always been there for me, my wife, and because I can’t control the rage within, my life hangs by a thread.

    I’m getting counselling, and this has been recommend to me, walk away, but it’s tough, but I know if I don’t want to lose my wife, I must and I will act.

    Eddie it’s a tough place to be, but for the sake of you and your family, walk away before it escalates out of control, you are not alone.

     

     

    #193645
    looking4hope
    Participant

    Hi Eddie,

    I can relate to how you feel. I grew up with this and it wasn’t until recently i have dealt with this issue.  We show our anger to our closest ones, b/c i believe we think that they will always forgive us no matter what. Either that’s family members, parents or partners.  But just b/c the anger/rage dissipates after and you can resume where you left off, the things said and done will stay and from experience it will slowly destroy any relationship.

    Seek professional help, its not a way of living .. trust me. For myself, it wasn’t until 30years later, that i discovered my anger was related to depression. After being on anti-depressant, it helped me feel more calm during times that would normally trigger my anger.  Its worth a try, don’t wait until its too late and you can’t savage a relationship that gets destroyed by it.

    You are not alone.

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