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my bf has another gf

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week ago.

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  • #163718

    perfect
    Participant

    i used to post here so thank you all for ur previews comments they mean alot to me .

    i m in really confuse situation now …i need some advise .

    i am in relation with my ex from last 4 months  ,we broke up before 6 yrs bt we had always feelings for each other,our relationship was long distance and lasted 2 and half years .my bf is already in relationship with a girl from last 5 years  .he doesnt love her but he cant break up with her now because of his visa problem .in 2016 his student visa was  finishd so he couldnt get visa but bcz of tht girl his visa was extended.

    i m in long distance relationship with him.as we started talking to each other it was too good .we used to share everything .we  used to do texting ,as he is a doctor and i m studying medicine in our busy schedule .but it was going great .he came to see me last week.we met after 6 years .he was wih me for 5 days and it was all fun nd good.he made me feel special nd planning about future .kissing me loving me making all kind a fun .talking about our marraige .

    before coming to see me his gf doubted on him and saw some of his msgs but she dint find a lot about us  but she is in doubt .

    so just 5days before he went .then i cant see his texts much.he doesnt text or call me .

    on 1st day of reaching his city he texted me that he reached and then 2 to 3 texts after that no nothing

    second day he sent two texts nd thn nothing

    3rd day same

    4rth day same but then i became emotioal and said  that i feel u r very changed after going frm here nd i wonder if i matter to u or not .then he said he is busy from last days at work nd his gf is also doubting on him nd checks his mobile everytime . etc but he replied me nicely calling me his love or beauty nd explaining me his situation .

    nd saturday nd sunday his gf is at home nd he said he has night shift he ll text me .but yestrday night at 11;30 i got a text but couldnt reply him as i was sleeping at midnght i woke up nd replied him its almost 2pm here still no reply frm him .

    what i feel is that i admit his gf can be at home but as he is in duty in hospital he should have replied me on way to home or after waking up.

    i dint get any text from last 5 days from him saying that he loves me .

    what should i do i m emotionally being disturb .

    is it normal for boys to act like this after being busy .or may be i m wrong judging him like this ..or may be i m doing just overthinking.

    i want to add here one thing that when we were intersted for relationship he told me in begninng tht he is in a complicated relationship nd thinking to end it .thus when i told him that i live him he said he is in complicated relationship nd dont want to play any game with me but he promised me to marry me although he dint answer of i love u nd he said that i better know its answer.

    but a week later he said me i love u bcz he told me that he couldnt wait to reply …

     

    i am very upset what to do .i have no idea ..

     

     

    #163720

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi perfect,

    You have to be strong. Being strong means: not talking to him unless and until there is no girlfriend in the background. It’s bad enough to have a boyfriend that hides his girlfriend from you. It’s worse to be the one being hidden.

    Do you want to be his dirty little secret?

    No! Of course not!

    So, tell him you will not talk to him or text him anymore until there is good news (for you!) on his relationship status.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    P.S. Yes, I understand about the Visa, but my advice is still the same

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by  Inky.
    #163724

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Perfect,

    I can understand how frustrating this can be. I too have been in many long distance relationships and it never worked sadly. Unfortunately, no matter how much you care for each other, it’s very complicated. The fact that he has a girlfriend, and he seems unsure if he is going to “Break-up” up with her or not did not sound too convincing. That is a major red flag. Also, it seems, you are mostly communicating by texting, which in itself can be very complicating, because he has to worry about his girlfriend. Although he stated he loved you, and other nice things, he made no firm plans that he really wants to be with you. I will use a quote I often use, because it is so very true: “if a man, really wants to be with you, he would be with you, no excuses, period”.

    Also, there is the distance factor. You can’t see each other face-to-face every day, which can really put a strain on any relationship. Even though he stated he loves you (the second time) he did state he wanted a relationship. His communication with you, seemed rather superficial and vague. I also don’t like that when you told him “you loved him” the first time, he didn’t say it back, rather giving you a cheeky response. I see alot of red flags. I don’t think at this time, he is emotionally, or physically available. There is another quote I like to use: “never invest more time and energy in someone then they invest in you” and right now, he is investing 0 percent. You deserve better, a loving, healthy, stable man who lives in your city.

    #163742

    anita
    Participant

    Dear perfect:

    There are three people in this situation: you, your boyfriend, his other girlfriend. Your boyfriend is deceiving his other girlfriend and you are participating in deceiving her. I believe it is best for you to take yourself out of this deceit and see to it that you live an honest life, not deceiving anyone and not being deceived by anyone.

    anita

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