Home→Forums→Relationships→My boyfriend is depressed about his divorce
- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by
Mark.
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January 24, 2018 at 9:34 pm #188779
CarrieParticipantA little background first. My boyfriend & I started dating last March. He was separated at the time. We fell hard, fast. Within 2 months he was asking me to move in. I questioned him many times if he was sure. We also decided at that time it would be good to meet his daughter. She is 3. Since then I have moved in, his divorce has finalized & our relationship is now crumbling around us.
He is depressed. Clinically. He was on Zoloft but has stopped taking it bc now that his divorce is finalized, his ex-wife will be removing him from her insurance. He keeps telling me he “needs time”. When I ask if that means that he wants me to move out he says no. But he often shuts down & leads me to think he would be relieved if I left. He has recently said he doesn’t understand why he’s so sad when he has so much good in his life.
I know we probably moved too quickly & looking back I should have pumped the brakes bc maybe he was looking for a quick fix & although he thought he was ready I should’ve protected my heart better. But that’s why hindsight is 20/20. I can’t go back. I just don’t want to lose him. The more I push on what he wants me to do, the more it seems he pushes me away. He doesn’t want me to hug/hold him, yet we sleep in the same bed & have had sex several times during this past week.
Today he realized I erased my bio in my Instagram (week ago maybe more) & he made a post that if he gets a bad vibe he is out. Then he wouldn’t answer my texts or calls for hours. And also changed his Facebook cover photo from one of him, his daughter & myself to one of just his daughter. I feel he may have broken up with me via social media. It’s very childish in my eyes but I don’t fully understand depression & am trying to save my relationship. I am very much in love with this man.
Our relationship was amazing. We would lay in bed and talk, for hours. We became best friends. Now I feel alone. I really don’t know where to go from here. I want him to show me love again but I do know he’s not capable of being that man right now.
How do I save my relationship without losing myself?
Thanks.
January 25, 2018 at 5:20 am #188853
InkyParticipantHi Carrie,
You should move out.
That will give him the clarity he needs to work on the relationship or truly break up. Right now he’s working out (and taking out!) all his feelings onto you. That’s not fair!
He shouldn’t even be in a relationship so soon after the divorce and should be concentrating on his daughter, while figuring out how to get his own health insurance. On top of getting his depression under control.
Move Out,
Inky
January 25, 2018 at 5:23 am #188855
AnonymousGuestDear Carrie:
I wonder when he stopped Zoloft, how long he took it before he stopped, and did he stop gradually? Withdrawal may be part of the problem right now.
You wrote: “The more I push on what he wants me to do, the more it seems he pushes me away”- I think better you stop pushing him. He may very well not know what he wants to do, so he can’t tell you. He probably feels much distress and has no idea what to do about it.
If you stay with him, give him a lot of space. He no longer has health insurance, correct? Maybe he can qualify for some medical care and attend psychotherapy?
anita
January 25, 2018 at 7:37 am #188901
MarkParticipantCarrie,
I agree what Inky has said. You alone cannot “save” the relationship. He needs to have a relationship with himself and his daughter. He needs to get emotionally healthy.
I assert that if you really love him then you have to let him go. He has to take care of himself first.
Mark
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