Home→Forums→Relationships→My ex and I start talking after 4 years
- This topic has 13 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
Muratcan.
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January 20, 2017 at 11:58 am #125811
MuratcanParticipantHi everyone, my ex and I start to talk and hangout again after 4 years and I realised that I’m still into her. We were best friends at that time and we flirt long time. When we finally open ourself to each other we started dating like a year. We broke up twice. And I was not able to find the problem with our relationship. So today we talked about getting back together. But there is a problem, she had a boyfriend that she loves. She said to me that he was the first person who loved since we broke up. So I’m care too much to her and I don’t trust myself to make it through. I scare to upset her like before and I don’t want to upset her. Even so, I want to be with her. But I’m thinking the future for me and for her. In the long run we still have a potential to break up and this will end our connection forever. Can anyone help me for this situation?
Thank you!January 20, 2017 at 5:01 pm #125830
AnonymousGuestDear wohochi:
Does your ex girlfriend have a new boyfriend now, the one that she loves?
anita
January 21, 2017 at 2:32 pm #125868MuratcanParticipantHi anita,
Yes, she loves him but also she loves me and I don’t want to force her to be with me.January 21, 2017 at 4:42 pm #125869AnonymousGuestDear wohochi:
She has a boyfriend already, another young man who loves her and she loves him. Better not hang out with her for as long as she has a boyfriend.
Would you not like a girlfriend who is only your girlfriend? I wouldn’t want to share a girlfriend, if I was you.
anita
January 21, 2017 at 4:45 pm #125870
Max ByeParticipantHi Wohochi,
It’s great that you were brave enough to share your true feeling with your ex.
Now, the ball is in her court. She has to choose.
If she dumps her new bf to be with you, then that to some extent proves she has got over whatever problem broke you two in the first place and is happy to start again.
If she chooses her new bf then I’m truly sorry but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
It wouldn’t be right for you to force anything, it is her decision.
The absolute best thing you can do is give her space, go out and meet as many new people and have as many new experiences as humanely possible. Best of luck my friend and well done on telling your ex how you feel, a lot of people in your situation wouldn’t have the guts.January 22, 2017 at 3:34 am #125899MuratcanParticipanthi anita,
but as mrmoonhead said everything depend on her now. She give signals like she will leave him and be with me. But I’m little afraid about this relationship. As we change, we still be the same in our core. I really don’t want to block her happiness.January 22, 2017 at 3:40 am #125900MuratcanParticipantThank you for your comment, mrmoonhead. I realised this when we start talking again. In past years we did some small talk, we celebrate our birthdays but I didn’t feel like I’m feeling right now. And I’m having problems about my romantic relationships, I can’t see me with other girls. After her, I just flirt, and after a while I just see them as a friend.
January 22, 2017 at 8:14 am #125902AnonymousGuestDear wohochi:
How are you afraid that you will be “blocking her happiness”?
anita
January 22, 2017 at 9:54 am #125905MuratcanParticipantVery much, I care too much and she’s mean a lot to me.
January 22, 2017 at 11:52 am #125908AnonymousGuestDear wohochi:
If she is mean to you, please, have no relationship with her. It is not to your benefit to have a relationship with a person who is mean to you.
anita
January 23, 2017 at 1:35 am #125948Max ByeParticipantHi Wohochi,
I would take Anita’s advice with a pinch of salt – all people can be mean at times.
If she wants to get back with you and is happy to ditch the other guy then happy days.
Otherwise, you’re putting this girl to high up in your expectations.
The image in your head will probably not match expectation, especially if she’s treating you bad.
Just keep putting yourself out there, eventually you will find a girl that you will be able to see yourself with.January 23, 2017 at 6:41 am #125962
PoppyxoParticipantHi Wohochi,
4 years has past since you last knew each other – how do you know you are compatible at this time in life? You’ve had a few conversations with her, but she may have changed and so may have you, are you compatible?
Also, do you like the fact that she has a boyfriend and is talking or thinking about you in any way? What if you get together and another man comes along who she takes a liking too (I know the circumstance is different because you were together once)?
Just my opinion, but something to think aboutJanuary 23, 2017 at 8:29 am #125966AnonymousGuest* mrmoonhead: You wrote to the Original Poster (OP), above: “I would take Anita’s advice with a pinch of salt”. Please do not critic the advice of people responding to the OP, mentioning the names of respondents and negatively criticizing their advice. Such practice discourages people from responding to threads and is not necessary: you can advise an OP all you want without mentioning another respondent.
anitaJanuary 24, 2017 at 12:18 pm #126075MuratcanParticipantPoppy hi,
I mean this could be fun. After 4 years people change and it would be like we starting from scratch. We can try to understand our new identities and habits. It can be explain as reconstructing an historical building. Well the other questions can be solved by me. I’m a open minded person and I believe that we can manage somehow, I’m saying that because I know her, still I do. But it’s up to her now. I giving myself to her, I’m offering a new relationship without our old mistakes. -
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