My ex boyfriend cheated on me with his ex because he still had 'feelings'

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.

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January 9, 2016 at 4:22 am #91866
Sara
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Hey, I am new to this site and I would like to seek help or maybe just reassurance.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend from a 6 months relationship because he cheated on me with his ex which also happens to be my friend.
I was the most supportive girlfriend I could be and gave my everything in this. As for my ‘friend’,I really, really trusted her. We were good friends and she is the last person I would think of doing that.
it happened two years ago where he liked her and she kinda liked him. I didnt know him at this time. They tried to go out but the relationship didnt last a full month because she wasnt fully committed and didnt love him as much as he did.
Now, she comes back while Im in a 6 months relationship with him and tells him she still has feelings, he finds out he still has feelings for her and they both kiss… I broke up with him and not even a week after he’s already talking to her, going out and kissing.
I’ve never been in greater pain than this. I have to see her week. I feel so embarassed and broken. He was my first relationship.
I torture myself with questions like “What if they last longer than we did?” “What if I never get over him?” “What if theyre actually going into a serious relationship?”
I cry everyday. One day I think Im doing fine and within the next minute I break down.
I am in deep pain. I would not mind dying right now, I dont want to live anymore. I dont want to live if after doing everything right doing your very best, no matter how good you are, ending up with your face on the ground.
While Im struggling and suffering he is here kissing her not even after a week of us breaking up.
Does it ever get better? I feel like I will never be better.
- This topic was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Sara.
- This topic was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Sara.
- This topic was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Sara.
January 9, 2016 at 4:42 am #91870

jim
Participant

Sara, All of you feeling that you having are the the feelings of a BROKEN HEART! Not sure if this is your first time? Time is the only healer! I ha been through it many of times myself! and I am going through it right now! and for your so called girlfriend! she’s not your friend! friends don’t bed down with a friends mate! you should have nothing to do with her anymore! OR HIM! He will probably cheat on her. Then YOU can have the last laugh! Mean while stay busy focus on picking yourself off the ground! Good Luck!

January 9, 2016 at 5:02 am #91872

Inky
Participant

Hi Sarah,

Well, the two of them together weren’t so great if they didn’t last that long the first time! And it sounds like everyone in this situation is very young, and chances are this won’t last through the semester, much less the summer. And what boundary busting is that that she told him how she felt a) years later and b) while he was thoroughly entrenched in a relationship with c) you, her friend??

Him “rediscovering” his feelings means that he likes drama and he’s bored.

Sarah, it’s not real. None of this is real. If he talks to you and brings up her, say, “Oh, you’re just bored”. And don’t even give her a foothold in any part of your life.

Hold your head up!

Blessings,

Inky

January 9, 2016 at 9:53 am #91883

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sara;

Your pain is understandable, valid. You were left behind broken hearted by your boyfriend and betrayed by your friend. You loved them both, were honest with them both and they got together, leaving you behind.

This really did happen. It hurts a lot. So much so that you desperately want the pain gone. I understand. I know that kind of pain.

What I found useful after years of healing from neglect and betrayal myself is the following:

At one point I stopped trying to get rid of the pain. It had a message to deliver to me: life is unfair. People do hurt others all the time. This is reality. And it hurt to realize it was reality, that this is life and this is the world we live in. The strange thing is once I realized the reality behind my pain, once I didn’t try to get rid of it, once I realize I will have to live with a certain amount of pain, it shrank, became less overwhelming.

There is a high price to pay trying to get rid of pain any which way; a high price to pay for ignoring what is real. A high price to pay for making believe what happened didn’t happen, or didn’t happen like it did. See it the way it is and accept the pain. Take as much time as you need to do that. This is my advice to you.

What do you think? Feel? Please do post again…

anita

January 9, 2016 at 1:24 pm #91915

Annie
Participant

Hi Sara,

I am sorry you’re going through a hard time. I promise that time is the best healer. Try to stay busy and do the things you love. You were okay before you met him and you will be fine in no time. Someone who can just leave you and cheat with another person so easily probably may not be faithful in a long term relationship. The relationship now lacks trust, loyalty, and understanding. Those are all important for a relationship. If someone loves another person, no matter how tempted they are they will still be faithful to their own partner. If you read a lot of articles on cheating, when people cheat they are likely to repeat it. Move on with your life. You will find someone else who is faith – to you and only you. The truth is they may get together, and it hurts right now, but it will heal. It’s better that a friend who would betray a friend gets betrayed. It’s more than likely she is trying to get back at you or is envious of the relationship you had.Neither of these people care about you, let karma take over and you will not be disappointed. He has nothing good to offer, just think that he did you a favor by showing you sooner rather than later what kind of person he was. You are not alone and nothing stays the same, you will get better and the bad feelings will decrease. Take care of yourself and keep yourself busy, spend time with friends you can lean on and trust, and try new things.

Annie

January 23, 2016 at 12:54 pm #93429

Sara
Participant

Thank you all for your comments. Much love <3 I am trying to invest time into myself but it’s really hard. I hope I will get through it. Thank you

January 23, 2016 at 6:24 pm #93445

Anonymous
Guest

You are welcome, Sara. Hope you post again.
anita
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