Hi, I am writing today because I am so confused on my current situation. I have been in a relationship with a man for 4 1/2 years. 1 1/2 were long distance and 3 years living together. I moved to Florida from Chicago to be with him and start a life with him. 1 month ago I found he had cheated on me with multiple women. All except 1 that I know of were on the phone. He was calling chatlines and old girlfriends and basically lying to them and saying he wanted to be with them and have kids and a future with them. I completely freaked out after 3 days of finding out new information and having him lie to me. I was very verbally abusive during the situation and even physical. I gathered all my belongings from our home besides furniture and filled up my car and left back home to Chicago. I now regret making such an impulsive decision because he begged and pleaded for me to stay. And now I will never know what could have happened if I stayed. So for the last month I have been calling and texting like an emotional mess asking how he can do such a thing to me. I also asked why we couldn’t make it work even though I left. His response is that we need healing personally before we can think about being in a relationship again. He says he needs time to work on himself and forgive himself and me for things during the relationship. He says I also need time for healing and to find myself again. I feel like the things he is saying are absolutely true but I am so afraid to let go. I wonder if he is with these other women or if he even wants to get back together. I know you may be wondering why I would want to get back together after he cheated. I am aware of my shortcomings in the relationship. I was verbally abusive and an emotional wreck during our time together. I completely relied on him for my happiness. I put so much pressure on him and he says he tried so hard but couldn’t handle it. I feel so bad about the things I have done. I wish I could do it all differently. I love him so much and want a future with a good one that we deserve. I know it will be hard to build trust again but I am willing to work at it. I just can’t seem to let go. He said we need time apart to heal and he is frustrated with me calling and continuing to blame him because I cant accept the cheating. He is right but I feel like if I let go we could lose our relationship. I am so confused and am known for being impulsive and even though I know it and hate it I cannot seem to stop it. Please help with any advice. I am afraid to lose him but still so hurt from what he did and how I reacted. I even called the women, face book stalked, and told his and my families. He now says it is so hard to come back from that. Please help. Thank you so very much!