August 31, 2019 at 3:00 am #309841
Hi, I will make this as short as possible, with just the necessary information.
I’ve worked at a company for 4 years. Me and my colleague started on the exact same day. We quickly became friends. But in the last year he’s changed towards me in very noticeable ways.
Now, these noticeable ways he’s changed are only visible to me, to anyone else, it’s just him being him.
He’s always been one to put on the “class clown” act in front of everyone; making stupid jokes, acting and behaving like an idiot, and coming out with ridiculous things and exaggerations regarding something that’s being spoken about, and this is what’s primarily becoming really irritating to me.
For example, the other day I was telling a co-worker about a business idea I’ve been working on. My “friend” walks by and hears the conversation. He stops and starts making derogatory remarks about my business and my business expertise in general, he said it in a “funny” way so that it’s all “HA HA HA I’M SO FUNNYYYY”..
I responded pretty cool but I have to admit he annoyed me and it was visible to the girls I had been telling the story to. I then said a couple of sarcastic remarks back to him about the fact that at least I was taking such action to trying and make something of myself..
Then he proceeded to go over to his team and tell them the “story” of me getting all worked up over “nothing”, and he also went over to another team in the office to tell them the story too. I’m just sat thinking, “what kind of an immature, retarded a-hole have you become? This is the kind of thing he does all the time and it’s become very annoying.
He is always undermining the action I’m taking, when a real friend would support you. I loved him but I don’t truly like him anymore, and it’s his own fault.
There are many examples just like the above. Now, I’ll admit his silly immature behaviour isn’t just towards me, he acts the class clown in general to most people, but I just have zero interest in complying with his complete stupidity. In fact it just makes me want to roll my eyes and tell him he’s behaving like an idiotic moron.
I’ve envisioned scenes where I crack and give him a piece of my mind, but I’m a very positive person and everyone in the office knows I am and they like this particular trait of mine. In fact I’m taking my “friends” criticism and using it to my advantage – because people who bring you down make you more determined to prove them wrong.
What would anyone do in my situation? Or has anyone perhaps been in a similar situation?
I do plan on leaving at some point as soon as I’m able to support myself financially, but I don’t want to have to leave prematurely due to my irritant friend.August 31, 2019 at 9:30 am #309845
This man you refer to as a friend, well he is not a friend. A friend doesn’t put a friend down, be it directly or in an indirect “funny” way that is not funny at all, definitely not to the person being put down.
The term “a hole” came to my mind before you verbalized it yourself.
Again, a person does not need to be put down. You talked about a business idea you had in mind- nothing abusive to anyone, or immoral or illegal, I figure- so, if he didn’t have anything positive to say, he shouldn’t have said anything at all.
You wrote: “to anyone else, it’s just him being him”. To me, “him being him” is not an excuse for him to put other people down, to use others for his stupid jokes. So I would tell him in front of everyone: (Name)- you are an a-hole. You are not funny. So when you joke, keep me out of your stupid jokes!
anitaAugust 31, 2019 at 9:51 am #309855
It is one thing to “joke” and another thing is to undermine your ideas, etc. related to your work. Those things should be separate. Be direct about letting him know that you boundary is for him not to comment on your work.
His behavior is because he is insecure. I am not sure if you can use that to your advantage by making him an ally and letting him know that you want to support him but regardless you need to set hard boundaries with him and let him know that such behavior is unacceptable when it comes to work.