My life is a mess

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    I’ve not really done anything like this before but I thought why not, first time for everything and I need all of the help I can get right now.

    My life is a mess. Take it back a few months and I had everything planned out, my dream job waiting for me, a good relationship etc. Now I have nothing. Basically I started training for part of the armed forces in the UK in the middle of September (this is my dream job, have always wanted to do it since I was little and could never see myself doing anything else, purely focused on this throughout my teenage years and dedicated a whole year on getting fit and going through the application process), I got 2 weeks into training where I was discharged (I almost drowned, from then on I was afraid of swimming and I was told I was unfit for service and I have to wait 2 years before coming back). Obviously I never pictured this happening. Oh and before leaving me and my long term girlfriend broke up because I was starting training. I went back to my mums house and after a week of staying there she said her boyfriend doesn’t want me there anymore and they can’t afford to have me, this was a big shock and I pretty much brokedown, I had no money and I thought I was going to be homeless, that night I couldn’t stop crying and I had so many bad thoughts going through my head. They gave me 1 week to sort something out. Luckily my two brothers and my dad helped me a lot and I am now living with my brother, so accommodation is sorted and there’s no pressure on paying rent etc. However I still need to get a job. I still have little money and if it wasn’t for my family then I don’t know what I’d do. Where I now live is in a remote area, the nearest town is 6 miles away and the bus service is infrequent (runs about twice a day I think) so I can’t just go into town when I want, which makes looking for a job even harder. Where I’ve moved to is also on the otherside of the country to where I am originally from, so apart from my brother I don’t know anybody here, aka I have no friends and nobody to hang around with or speak to and I really don’t know how I’m going to meet new people, it’s easier when you’re at school or working but in my case I have no idea. I get really lonely and I’ve just been feeling really down since everything happened, I admit I feel better than at first but I’m still not my normal self. Before, I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be in life, I had goals and I was determined to achieve them and I did. Now, I don’t have any goals and I just feel really lost. I don’t have a clue what I want to do anymore, like I said I could never see myself doing anything else job-wise. An option I am probably going to take is go back to college next September (I left to join the military this year), go to university after that and then go back into the military after. But that gives me an entire year basically to find something to do and something to work towards. I just feel so confused, no life goals, no friends, no money, feeling crap all the time; my life just seems so pointless now, I hadn’t left my house for 2 days until earlier when I decided I had to get out and go for a walk. Sorry for going on and probably not making a lot of sense but I just felt like if I wrote it all out I might feel better and then I could also see if I could get any advice or help. Oh and also I’ve just turned 18, so I’m still pretty young and don’t really have any life experience, so all of this happening in the space of not even a month has been so hard to deal with and I hope nobody my age has to go through what I have.

    Thanks for reading.


    Hi Josh
    First things first slow down a bit and breathe a little. You are only young so don’t panic about life.I have been in the armed forces so know the crack. The army has a basic swimming test which you must pass and after that there is very little swimming involved unless you get involved in swimming for the Army. The other forces I’m not sure off, so if your serious about a life in the forces use these two years to overcome your fear and practice your swimming, get strong and apply again.
    It’s difficult is a breakup I’m going through one myself and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody what I’ve been through. It happens and all you’ve got to think is that if you’ve been the best you can be to this girl that’s all you can do. You never know what’s round the corner . I joined up at 18 had a girlfriend, broke up and after 18 years we are back in touch how spooky is that.
    What I’m saying is be good to yourself , and don’t give up on your dream job and stay out of trouble.It will happen just believe and if it doesn’t put it down to experiance.
    Let me know how things go


    Hi Josh,

    it saddened me to read of your very real distress but what I felt came through your words is intelligence and drive. You have detailed each of your challenges coherently which indicates they are not about to overwhelm you any time soon. What a wise decision to get out and go for a walk! I was not as sensible as you and found myself virtually unable to move for several days after a recent event. I hope that the walk helped and I wonder if perhaps that may also continue to help you as you could develop an exercise programme at home. You also have access to the Internet and wonder if maybe studying a language may be a way to spend time usefully and I imagine would also be useful in the military.
    I hope that writing it out has helped and that solving your practical problems will help with your emotional ones . I also hope that knowing other people think your situation currently sucks helps too. My life experience tells me that it will get better for you and hopefully sooner rather than later.
    Look after yourself

    Helpful Angel


    “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr

    First: my advice is to definitely listen to your heart. It is difficult when you have so many challenges coming through at the same time but it is worth it. Also take your time and talk to your family about the decisions you want to make. Good communication within a family is key to success in your life. They love you and it is already a great thing. They will continue to support you with your search, that is another great thing.

    Second: Perhaps there is a local bureau you could go to for advice on courses and qualifications you can do which will always be useful in your life like a First Aid course. It is certainly needed in the military and these courses could open doors to a brighter future. You will be happy to enrol as they often run throughout the year and so you won’t feel you missed any boat and will get a sense of achievement you are looking for right now.

    The great thing about doing a/this course is meeting other people who can help, make friends helping you recover from your past experiences. Also, when you do the course you can always speak in confidence to a qualified teacher or tutor who will help you and guide you with your needs. You will regain strengths!

    Good luck!

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