Hi All,

I think my mom might be a narcissist. She doesn’t act how movies and books portray narcissists. She doesn’t talk crap (at least I don’t think) behind my back, call me names, or put down my ideas or accomplishments. People tell me I have a really nice mom and, for most of my life, I’ve believed them. I thought I was close to her until I realized I was the person she went to vent to, starting when I was 14. I listened and advised her on my grandparents (her parents), my aunts (her sisters), her job… I felt so important at the time. We would discuss her problems for hours. I was her vent-to person when I hit puberty!!! I did tell/vent to her some stuff too, but most of the time it was the other way around.
She also looks for reassurance a lot, as in “this is fun right?” repeatedly. If I say no the tension starts. She’s also phony. She sticks to talking about positive stuff, talks really high, and laughs/smiles more than the average person. This would be fine however she grows really uncomfortable if you say “negative” stuff.
When growing up she would repeatedly say how much alike we are and how great our family is. I’m questioning if she was subconsciously seeing me as an extension of herself and not my own person.
She’s really manipulative. For instance, she normally walks with my dad but ,for some reason, he couldn’t go so she asked me to go (this is a pattern: I’m number 2 if my dad says no to a walk). She will make it sound like she wants to catch up with me but coincidentally my dad bailed and she doesn’t have anyone to walk with. Before the walk I had told her about something that was bugging me. When we were on the walk she talked for an hour at me about her vacation. It was draining. She must’ve realized something was up because she then asks if she helped me by talking about her vacation? Did she alleviate what was bugging me by talking for an hour? Also, if I express a boundary she crossed or how I felt she will tell me it was all in my head, she’s not perfect, how selfish I am, sorry that you feel that way, I”m over sensitive, being overdramatic, I make her feel like she has to walk on eggshells, will twist the truth…you name it, she’s done everything short of calling me names. To be honest I feel f’in crazy right now typing this out. I feel like I”m the one who’s making this up. I can hear her voice telling me now how overdramatic I’m being. I guess I”m afraid you’re not going to believe the stuff I’m writing. I don’t know if she’s narcissitic. I just know I feel crazy when this stuff happens and know I can’t express to my mom how I’m feeling because she will turn it around. Can someone help me shed some light on this situation? I feel like my relationship with my mom is falling apart.