Home→Forums→Relationships→My Mother Might Be a Narcissist
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September 21, 2016 at 7:45 pm #115843LadybugParticipant
Hi All,
I think my mom might be a narcissist. She doesn’t act how movies and books portray narcissists. She doesn’t talk crap (at least I don’t think) behind my back, call me names, or put down my ideas or accomplishments. People tell me I have a really nice mom and, for most of my life, I’ve believed them. I thought I was close to her until I realized I was the person she went to vent to, starting when I was 14. I listened and advised her on my grandparents (her parents), my aunts (her sisters), her job… I felt so important at the time. We would discuss her problems for hours. I was her vent-to person when I hit puberty!!! I did tell/vent to her some stuff too, but most of the time it was the other way around.
She also looks for reassurance a lot, as in “this is fun right?” repeatedly. If I say no the tension starts. She’s also phony. She sticks to talking about positive stuff, talks really high, and laughs/smiles more than the average person. This would be fine however she grows really uncomfortable if you say “negative” stuff.
When growing up she would repeatedly say how much alike we are and how great our family is. I’m questioning if she was subconsciously seeing me as an extension of herself and not my own person.
She’s really manipulative. For instance, she normally walks with my dad but ,for some reason, he couldn’t go so she asked me to go (this is a pattern: I’m number 2 if my dad says no to a walk). She will make it sound like she wants to catch up with me but coincidentally my dad bailed and she doesn’t have anyone to walk with. Before the walk I had told her about something that was bugging me. When we were on the walk she talked for an hour at me about her vacation. It was draining. She must’ve realized something was up because she then asks if she helped me by talking about her vacation? Did she alleviate what was bugging me by talking for an hour? Also, if I express a boundary she crossed or how I felt she will tell me it was all in my head, she’s not perfect, how selfish I am, sorry that you feel that way, I”m over sensitive, being overdramatic, I make her feel like she has to walk on eggshells, will twist the truth…you name it, she’s done everything short of calling me names. To be honest I feel f’in crazy right now typing this out. I feel like I”m the one who’s making this up. I can hear her voice telling me now how overdramatic I’m being. I guess I”m afraid you’re not going to believe the stuff I’m writing. I don’t know if she’s narcissitic. I just know I feel crazy when this stuff happens and know I can’t express to my mom how I’m feeling because she will turn it around. Can someone help me shed some light on this situation? I feel like my relationship with my mom is falling apart.September 21, 2016 at 8:24 pm #115845AnonymousGuestDear Ladybug:
It takes a lot of time to see who your parents really are. As children we are very invested in seeing them in ways that make us feel safe, that we are under the care of capable, loving people.
I think you are in the process of seeing your father (previous thread, 8 or more months ago) and your mother the way they really are. Unfortunately, your mother will not help you in this process. If her go to saying is: it is all in your head, then she will not help you.
It is a painful process that takes a lot of time and often a person needs help from a competent therapist. Please be patient with yourself, Ladybug, and with the process. The payoff is and will be better mental health for yourself and a better life.
Post anytime.
anita
September 22, 2016 at 2:11 am #115865Ann – MarieParticipantHi ladybug its a toughy alright they can come in all shapes and forms thats the problem its very hard to distinguish especially if its what you have grown up with and its what you believe to be normal.
Keep reading about it you will find the answer these are great books children of the self absorbed,its not you its your mother there is loads of stuff online but use specific frases or you will come up with relationship stuff alot of people don’t believe its possible but unfortunately it is.
Xx
September 22, 2016 at 7:19 am #115883AmandaParticipantThere’s also a website that I used when on my journey; it may or may not be of help to you. In my opinion, it doesn’t try to force anything on you (although tapping is referenced a lot), but let’s you make your own decision regarding your mother by hearing about others experiences.
http://www.daughtersofnarcissticmothers.com
Good luck to you, whatever decision you make regarding your mother.September 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm #115953noritParticipantHello Ladybug,
I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone! It feels like I could have started this thread myself. Starting to see both of my parents for who they are has been a very emotional experience for me. While my mother doesn’t see the change I am going through, she is facing me becoming my own individual person separate from her, and she doesn’t like it, especially if I have different opinions. My parents both turn things around regularly to me as well.
Recently, I have started to put some distance between myself and my mother for separate reasons. It’s been difficult, but suddenly I have had a lot of free time because I’m not listening to her problems – free time to focus on myself, my needs, my life. I don’t know if that would be beneficial to you at all? It’s helping me feel less drained, and build some confidence away from them, without making me feel crazy.
I’m sorry I’ve not been able to offer any words of wisdom — I hope others will come and shed some light. I will be watching this thread with keen interest, and hope you feel comfortable to share with us if you want to.
Take care,
Norit -
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