Home→Forums→Relationships→My partner and his ex are best friends
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Anonymous.
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March 6, 2017 at 8:40 pm #136323
DebidoParticipantHi everyone
I met my partner 6 years ago, I was coming out of a 19 year relationship and he was with someone who had overstayed her welcome while recovering from an illness. We split several times to give his relationship with her some finality but the chemistry between us was too strong and we couldn’t leave each other alone.
His ex hates me, she moved out 4 years ago and has done nothing but cause trouble between us.
She had left her husband and children for my now partner so considers him her soul mate and the love of her life.
I have had several run ins with her where she begs me to leave him to return to her, more recently ( over xmas) she turned up at his home to see his dogs ( her kids in toe).
My partner has defended her actions saying she is needy and emotionally unstable, he considers her as his best friend as they helped each other through messy divorces. She openly admits to everyone she would do anything to have him back and tells him regularly she loves him.
He on the other hand has told her he loves me and if she can’t accept that he only wants to be her friend they should not speak. She has gone so far to ring his house phone several times a day to Aremind me she’s still around, to calling my mobile to ask if we are still together.
He will not discuss our relationship with her.
She will not hear of this, they speak every day, and meet several times a month for coffee which he had hid from me, he thought if I didn’t know it would be ok, this has now caused trust issues as I believed he had more to hide
I have gone from nurotic girlfriend laying down the law and explaining boundaries to now, accepting of his friendship with her as long as we discuss the contact he has with her.
I’m a spiritual person, I have lots of friend, few enemies so can’t understand her level of loathing towards me, I have exes in my life who I txt a few times a year, birthdays, xmas etc so while I’m not remotely jealous I find his considering her his best friend and allowing her to cause this trouble
many advice would be great
March 6, 2017 at 8:44 pm #136325DebidoParticipantSorry for any typos, this is keeping me awake and I’m on my phone
March 7, 2017 at 6:20 am #136439
PoppyxoParticipantHi,
Do they have any ties, so for example kids or anything?
How long has this been happening?
March 7, 2017 at 3:10 pm #136677DebidoParticipantNo and this is my point to him, I re read my post and I felt I sounded awful and callous, I tried to amend the post because although I have been with him 6 years and she only moved out 4 years ago it was a really difficult 2 years for everyone.
They have no children or finically committed, he says he just values her friendship as she supported him as a friend when things were tough. He got close to her children who now don’t want to know him. I’m just so frustrated, I accept the friendship but believe it should be with boundaries and he should be honest with me when they are in contact.
I left him last week giving him the chance to go finds his unfinished business with her but he begged me to go back to him.
Im just so confused
March 7, 2017 at 7:40 pm #136917
AnonymousGuestDear Debido:
Did I understand correctly: the first two years you dated him, this other woman was living with him?
You wrote that your boyfriend said: “she is needy and emotionally unstable, he considers her as his best friend”-
If he is emotionally stable, it seems incongruent to me, for an emotionally stable person to consider an emotionally unstable person a “best friend”-
“Best friend”, to me, suggests a compatibility of emotional stability.
anita
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