hi Anita, you are right she feels if she stays I won’t actually change. and eventually, it will go back to the way it was.

As far as finding myself, I was always a negative person, always looked at the worst of every situation. I never viewed possible good outcomes. I always hated my job, but I did it for the family and was too scared to quit, I always needed to be secure with my job. About a year ago I went to a conference that had a motivational speaker, that completely changed my life, and set me on the path I currently have been in. (realizing that I was not meant to just stay in a bad job and that there is good out there). She and my kids were really the only things that I KNEW were what I needed, and all that mattered to me. Weird I know as I did not show it much. I started to become a more positive person, I looked at things differently, started seeing the good in everything, and gained way more self-confidence than ever. We started an online business which we talked about and agreed that it would be great, tough but great. Finally one day I had enough of the negative job and I text my wife saying I cant do it anymore, and she replied then quit babe, we will figure it out. So I did just that handed in my resignation, and quit to work full time on launching our business. I even sold my motorcycle, to help cover living costs for a few months. Everything was great we went on a family trip shortly after I quit, and it was great, we had a great time. but then things did not go as planned for our business, the idea behind it changed, and I just got lost again as to where to go, I couldn’t go back to that negative job again and have that atmosphere. Then I got the letter, and she did say that she thought it was my job that was holding me back, but it wasn’t obvious, I still needed to find myself. Well, her tearing my heart has Gave me a push to find it, and I did. I realize now that everything I had with her is what I needed I just didn’t see it and neglected her. Not just having her, but me as a person, I always looked up to her for her positive outlook on life. It’s made me realize the man I want to be. I wrote her a 3-page letter yesterday and read it to her, about what I have realized about my life, and why I was the way I was. But also who I want to strive to be without a doubt. And she was like, I know I’m supposed to be happy that you finally realized who you want to be but I’m Just angry and everything inside tells me it won’t last, and if I stay I will myself down, that she just doesn’t feel it. She also thinks That she is just making me change to the person she wants, which is not the case at all, I seriously deep down thought about who I wanted to be even without her.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rob.

she is angry because now I’m now guy that she been trying to get out of me. She’s angry because she let it go this far, she said she would always find some reason to stay whether it be for the kids, the house, just easier to stay. she is angry that I never saw her cries for love but I do now. She said I am a good person and that she loves me but doesn’t love in that way anymore. I know she feels if she stays she is letting herself down. She says I know everything thinks she should stay, but she is just angry and tired, tired of trying to make it work when I didn’t or couldn’t see it. But yet I know if she stays it will the best thing to ever happen to her, she finally has the guy she wanted, but she can’t see past the past, and I totally understand how she feels. She is also a person who hates being told what to do, so me saying stay and you will see would not make her stay.

she feels that the only thing that keeps playing in her head right now is that we sell the house and get places of our own. I just don’t understand how she can’t understand that I honestly did not know she was giving me chances before, so I feel like it’s almost unfair that she won’t even give me a bit of time to show her. At the same time, I do understand how she is feeling, and that she thinks that she was telling me, and I know there is still a part of her that loves me and wants to stay because I asked her that and every time she changes the subject or redirects it. I just feel that we haven’t even given it a shot, or try to work things out.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rob.

So you are saying let her just leave? and sell the house? I understand that some time away from each other might be good, so that we both can think, without the other pressures of everyday life. I haven’t begged her to stay, because I don’t want to come off as needy and can’t take care of myself. as far as the children we both agree and always have that they are our number one, they will always be looked after, and it is not their fault if things didn’t work out. At the same time, I just feel so guilty that I caused all this to happen, and don’t want them to hate me later in life.

That’s just it I don’t want to force her to stay. But yet she hasn’t left, and we still sleep in the same bed, and she doesn’t feel strange being naked around me? maybe I’m just reading things wrong? So I still feel like she wants me to try but just not admit it, to me or herself. Also when we do talk about other things other than us, we seem to connect and are actually having a good conversation, how can you do that with someone who you are angry at?

• This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rob.