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  • January 31, 2014 at 10:58 pm #50101
    khushi
    Participant

    Hi Everyone, I just want to feel happy and better to make some changes in my life. I felt that there is no one out there who can just listen and help me to remove some pain from my life.

    It’s been couple of years that I have been struggling with emotions, fear, stress, relationship with family where one parent has been strict then another. From my high school to college life all I have been doing is trying to make something out of my self but also to satisfy my parents. Through out the years I felt that whatever I did is to gain love, courage and push from my parents to continue with what I want to do in my life. However due to certain strictness in my family specially from one parent . I felt that I have been the saddest person because of the strict rules and regulation. Not only this I felt that specially one parent has differentiate between me and my brother. Even working at store or going with friends there has been problems. one parent think from traditional views because of coming from different country which is that there is a age when daughter study, job then marriage. it doesn’t matter how long son would take or whatever he would do or decide. I do not want my life like that until i am not ready for it.

    Although I am done with my bachelor and will be working toward job position search and MBA. I am still living with my family despite everything i have struggled so far.. Honestly it is because of one of the parent who has been very caring, loving and supportive.. A grudge I have been holding against one parent . I do not know what to do with that. i am angry at one of the parent because of the lost years living under pressure for studies or being limited to go anywhere, not being satisfied and unable to feel happiness inside me. I also blame my self that throughout the years, I let the fear and struggle control me of not taking any stand. However, I do not want to live every days or years from my late 20,s until 30,s feeling sad and left out and struggling with my self. I felt that whole life all I have been doing was to gain love, sense of care and happiness from both parents together. I was wrong and do not how to change my path. I have been trying to work on my mind and emotion through reading, listening to music, meditating(started).
    I feel that if I continue to live with my family, despite knowing my brother and sister one day would leave. I can’t live with this anymore. I feel that I stayed until today because of one of the parent. I am afraid if I leave I do not know how would one feel. i know one of the parent is very caring and loving, and tells me to ignore whatever my other parent would say. however I can’t leave days and increase again and again with stress environment. i want to fulfill my dreams, live independently. If I continue to live, I feel that my internal struggle and emotions would occur for me to be happy anymore.

    Please advice me how should I work upon my self and what should i do ?

    Thank you

    February 1, 2014 at 3:26 am #50110
    Life
    Participant

    Hi Khushi. I am from the same country as you are and i totally understand you.
    First of all tell me one thing did you do your graduation in the subject you love or just because there is more job opportunity in it ?
    Second this is that i think if you do MBA from a good college you will have to go to any other city right ? That will be good for you.
    Let the grudge against your other parent go. Either you can speak your heart out to them or just let it be.
    Don’t wait to be happy, don’t think that just because you are with your parents you can not be happy
    Pick up a new hobby, do something which you have never done before.
    Speak to me if you feel like. 🙂

    February 1, 2014 at 5:06 am #50114
    tamanna
    Participant

    Okay.., this is similar to my story…
    I exactly don’t know, what advise should I give you..? but I can share what I do under these circumstances…

    Look dear, we just have to see everything through different perspective…

    We have been , and going through difficult psychological and emotional situations… the feelings of being trapped in the things we cannot control…
    Its like the glass half full of water, one parent is so much understanding and supportive and the other one is not, in spite of having good intentions…

    But I always try to look at the positive things, this keeps our mind and heart at peace, after that it doesn’t matter what the hell goes on in the world… 😉
    By this we can make ourself happy and then others too, and this increases our happiness and hence we get caught in the cycle of happiness for some time…
    This should be practised on a regular basis… to develop the habit… 🙂

    So, I know that you are not getting what you want or expect, from one parent.
    But we can’t change them, right…? I know you know this… I also know that you must have tried many times to bring a positive change in them and their behaviour… without giving up…
    But, I have learned that if you can’t change something then you should accept it… let it be and start to focus on yourself… to improve yourself, thats what you have started… 🙂

    And you know what…? Today what you have become is because of both of your parents… while giving the shape, one metal is use to support the hot iron and other one hits it… your nature and character is the result due to both of them…

    Whatever you do, just never leave this desire of being free… never loose hope… keep patience, and one day at the right time you will be free and doing what you have always wanted…

    And never try to avoid and run from all these… go through all these situations , face them…

    There has been lot of limits put upon you.., but remember one thing…
    Nature always has the ability to find a way to grow…
    Aur tum bhi to nature hi ho na… 😉
    you will see,in the end you will become a diamond…

    To make yourself happy, you can do whatever you like to do (if you can).
    We cannot fulfil all our desires, but if we can, then we should…
    Even try to fulfil your smallest desire… Never ignore your other desires which you can fulfil, due to the sorrow of the desires you cannot fulfil…

    stick to your hobbies, play your favourite sport, or you can join a sports club for that…

    become a member of certain social organization or any organisation related to the field you like… this will bring you the opportunity to meet new people and learn new things… by this you can feel the freedom…

    or you can become a member of certain library or association, for the same…

    create something… do something creative, this will surely make you happy… like draw an sketch, paint what you like, cook a new dish, play the guitar or what you like and create the music…or join a music class…

    Start to learn something new, you like, you can join art classes or you can join courses related to your studies if you love to…

    Make yourself busy in improving yourself, you will feel better… 🙂

    books are very helpful in such cases… I have experienced this…(not the books related to your course, field and subject)
    many of us have the desires to explore… to visit new places and to meet new and different people to get knowledge and broaden our mind…
    we can achieve this by travelling…
    and the same can be achieved by reading books also…
    not exactly.., but books can make us feel that we are free…

    You should try it… read stories, novels and whatever you like…
    You will feel good… 🙂

    God Bless you…

    February 1, 2014 at 6:56 am #50117
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Khushi

    It is normal to feel what you are feeling in your current situation but please do not let those feelings create a permanent home of anger, doubt, resentment, rejection and hatred in your heart. Our thoughts and emotions are like a powerful magnet – like attracts like as per Universe’s law (ie, positivity attracts positivity and vice versa).

    Once you have calmed down and able to asses your situation with clarity, please count your blessings. There are always 2 ways of looking at any situation – positively or negatively. In my experience, You can always find a hidden gem of positivity in most situations when emotions are not running high.

    I feel that you may find some answers to your questions in the lectures by BK Shivani. She is a renowned Indian Spiritual figure, who provides heartwarming solutions to all life’s dilemmas. You can check her videos out on youtube under BK Shivani. She has done a few lectures on child parent relationship as well and provides useful insights on how to move from a state of helplessness to a state of compassion for all. You will love her.

    May your love grow exponentially for all,

    Cheers

    J

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
    February 1, 2014 at 8:49 am #50123
    Tramby Tramby
    Participant

    I’m from India too. Same problem and same age group I guess. Parents don’t let you move to other city even for searching a job. They are not ready to give you your share of freedom. I’m trying for a MBA too just for the sake of moving out. I think you need to wait for the right time,even I’m doing that. Keep calm for another few days and hope that everything will turn out to be good. Just keep hoping.

    February 1, 2014 at 5:48 pm #50133
    khushi
    Participant

    Thank you everyone. I will take note of some of the suggestions from all. I feel better that I am able to write, share and talk with everyone. I can work toward and make changes for my self!! Hope to share and talk with everyone more often.

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