Hi Tee,

Thank you for the response.
I’m not sure if he meant that he is doing it on his own without seeking help, I’m not sure about the situation. But hopefully he does. I agree, therapy and possibly doctor/rehab can really make a difference.
I’m just happy that he’s doing okay, and I’ve kind of moved on with my life. Things start to get busy, and I’ve started to challenge myself by not reaching out when I freak out or feel anxious. I’ve also started planning a solo trip so that I can be alone without relying on anyone. Not easy, I’d say it’s hard. therically, I know what’s the “right” thing to do, how to regulate it, but again, it’s really hard to transfer that into action, and without a person to test it out, I highly doubt if I’d “Relapse” or not lol. Again and because of this, I know none of us is ready.
But I still miss him a lot, miss him as a person to have in my life. Missing him is as easy as breathing, really wish him the best, and hopefully, he can get back on his feet soon and have everything he deserves. Also, kind of stopped being paranoid about him moving on or having lots of doubts about us. Because I do believe whatever we had is real, just none of us are capable of having it, tho, it doesn’t make whatever we had any less real.
I don’t mind being the person to make the first move, but not now. I’m not ready personally, I don’t want to push anything when I’m not ready. Maybe in another two months, I feel more confident handling my own emotions and giving the support my partner deserves, I’d reach out with a clear purpose to either open the conversation or close it completely.
As for now, I already feel much better than when I first posted here. Thank you so much for all these. Much appreciated.