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Need Help with IBS: It’s stressing me out!!!!

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  • #378809
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes, as a country we haven’t seen any change to the cases yet, but yesterday, the total number of cases reported in a day did go down in my city (if you figure the city out, please don’t mention it, to protect my anonymity :D). We are looking at help from other countries. It’s all just numbers when you watch the news. But when the numbers turn to names, it is very scary.

    Well, there are certain techniques I have tried with her, which have somewhat worked. Like I said, showing her how she affects me, pointing out when she scolds me, etc. Compared to earlier, it is loads better. So I’m gonna just hope this is maintained.

    What other affirmations can I try? To work on my core belief? My self-esteem?

    I have certain other problems, which I probably will talk about on a different thread. I still don’t have the confidence to talk about it. It’s hard for me. But when I do, I will post about it.

    Thanks…

    Take care…

    #378822
    anita
    Participant

    Dear anonymous03:

    I will not mention any city. You wrote that you have certain other problems that are hard for you to talk about. I understand. Post about it here or in a new thread if and when you feel comfortable enough. When you do, I will  be very careful to not make it any harder for you than it will  be. I will try to make it easier.

    In regard to affirmations, I don’t know if I suggested it to you before, but there is a mindfulness series of guided meditations available online, free of charge,  by Mark Williams, an Oxford University professor universally and leading authority on mindfulness. His words can be the affirmations you need. Try a few of his meditations, will you?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #378848
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    It brings me comfort to know that I can safely unload here. It is very hard for me as I am very ashamed. I will try though. Thank you very much.

    No this is the first time that I am hearing of Mark Williams, I think. But I will give it a try. Thank you so much.

    Hope you are safe…

    #378858
    anita
    Participant

    Dear anonymous03:

    You are welcome to safely unload here any time, I just read your reply on another thread and was very impressed by how thorough, detailed and empathetic your reply is. The advice you gave the member is excellent!

    As far as what it is that you are “very ashamed” about, if you do choose to share it- you can keep some of the details you feel most ashamed about to yourself, and choose (or not) to share them later.

    Wishing you and me and everyone who is reading this to be safe.

    anita

    #378891
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your kind words. They brought some warmth to me.

    I will share if and when I feel ready. Thank you so much for your support.

    We see no light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to the pandemic, and I feel a deep sense of dread looking at the news everyday. People are scrambling for plasma, oxygen, hospital beds, food, and what not. It feels like my homeland is dying, and it makes me cry to think that. I have my own friends who refused to wear masks for stupid reasons, and I refused to meet them again to protect myself and my mother. I am not proud of it but I feel some anger at these people, who wouldn’t take simple, harmless steps to prevent this spread and just refuse to be responsible. How ignorant as well as arrogant could you be! There are some horrible stories online of people who have lost family, and it makes me so afraid. I am so afraid that I avoid praying and thanking God for looking after us, for the fear of jinxing it. Maybe I should wear my wooden bracelet at all times.

    Hope you are safe, Anita…

    #378892
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear anonymous33,

    I hope and pray that the situation in your country starts improving soon, and that foreign help has arrived and keeps arriving.

    I share your sentiment of feeling frustrated at people who refuse any protection measures and even refuse to wear masks, claiming they’re harmful and a sign of oppression and suchlike. Unfortunately there are such people everywhere, in every country. I’ve had some debates with such friends and acquaintances on social media, but over time, I’ve realized there’s no point in trying to convince them, they’re so deep in their belief system and end up believing quite ridiculous things and conspiracy theories.

    I’m not angry at them any more, but I don’t think I can be close to them any more either, because I’ll always be looking at them at someone who showed a profound lack of compassion for others. And even though I know it’s because of their own fears and unsolved issues that they behave like that, it would be hard for me to pretend that nothing happened and have the same kind of relationship with them that I had before the pandemic.

     

    #378899
    anita
    Participant

    Dear anonymous03:

    You are welcome. I share your feelings about people who refuse masks, social distancing and vaccination, being socially irresponsible in these ways, participating in the spread of the virus to more and more people.

    “It feels like my homeland is dying, and it makes me cry to think that”-

    Your homeland- the Republic of India, the most populous democracy in the world, consisting of 28 states and 8 union territories, with 55,000 years of history, with incredible architecture (including the Taj Mahal, one of the Seven Wonders of the World), and cultures,  the home of Buddhism, and Hinduism, and the home of my favorite foods, and so much more- your homeland is not dying!

    I think that it is a good idea that you wear a wooden bracelet whenever you are afraid, or at all times. When you feel particularly scared, touch the bracelet with your fingers and think about nothing other than how the wood feels under your fingers, maybe take it up to your face, rub it gently against your face, smell it, it will give you a break from your anxious thoughts.

    When you get scared and angry about the numbers of infections and deaths, about the lack of equipment, about the socially irresponsible people, repeat this to yourself, if you will: (god) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    When something, any particular thing scares you, think: is there anything I can do about it? If there is, do it; if there is nothing you can do- let it go because… there is nothing you can do about it. Carry on your shoulders only the worries you can do something about.

    How is life for you practically these days: I am guessing you go out for groceries and such… wearing a mask (I think that wearing 2 masks is better than 1), when people get close to you on the street, you move away, keeping distance, and I assume you spend a lot of time at home, no visitors?

    anita

    #378900
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    Thank you so much for replying. This is the first time that we are interacting, so hi! 🙂

    Thank you for your prayers. 🙂

    I tried debating with some of my friends too. And would you believe that they said “Oh nothing really happens! It’s all cool.”? I don’t understand how people can say it’s all cool when millions all over the world have literally died. I have had these debates in person and on social media, and I just don’t get how people disregard safety to such an extent. My uncle, who’s a doctor, called this anti-social behaviour, where you just blatantly disregard the health of other people.

    I have had discussions with “conspiracy theorists” online. This one girl kept sending me posts about how this whole pandemic is a hoax, and there’s an agenda behind it, and the RT-PCR test is inaccurate and should not be used. I told her to send me “credible” sources, and not posts from random people and pages. She still kept doing that, and not wanting to get into nonsensical talks with her, I said that none of this has been proven and is all theory. So till there is any strong evidence supporting these theories, she is free to believe what she wants, and I respect her right to her belief, but I am free to believe what I want. Yet, it did not end, and she continued sending those posts to me. I snapped and asked her again for “credible” sources. (I even felt like asking her if she knew the full form of “RT-PCR” and understood how it worked.) If I told her that if she drank pineapple juice on a full-moon night, she’d never get another pimple, would she believe me? People can write whatever they want on the internet, and a lot of it is pure crap. So it would be better if she did actual research. She got really really agitated and called me all sorts of things, calling me blind and telling me I haven’t done any research on this, and I just “act all smart”. That hurt my feelings, I won’t lie, and I just lost all respect for her as a person. I’m a person of science, with an advanced degree in biology. I have 4 years of research under my belt. It’s not much, but it’s more than most people. I know what I am talking about when it comes to science. Yet, I’m the arrogant and the ignorant one. ***sigh***

    I agree with your point of viewing these people in a different light, and I too felt that they react this way because this pandemic is actually too much to comprehend. But it is fear-inducing and really irritating too to be honest when people start spreading misinformation. I had seen this video of a girl telling people to not cover their nose with the mask or “they will feel suffocated because of lack of oxygen”. She was also telling people to go out into the sunlight because the “virus does not survive in the sun” and it’s good to be around nature, despite there being no evidence whatsoever of sunlight killing the virus. I thought, “That’s swell. If you ever need surgery, we’ll have it in a park”. Several people corrected her and asked her to take the video down because it was misinforming people, especially those who were ill-informed. But she didn’t, and again, we were the ignorant ones. Now when it’s so very bad in my country, it annoys me to think of these people. I don’t blame them of course. They’re scared in their own way actually. But it is irritating.

    People in my own building won’t wear a mask, despite there being cases in my building. I take care; wear 2 masks. Sanitize. Have a bath if I have been to the vet or the doctor. Even when I went to restaurants when they were open, I’d put my mask on as soon as I was done eating. I shouldn’t have gone to the restaurant in the first place, but I did maintain all the recommended precautions. But there’s only so much care I can take. What do I do when others won’t take care? It is a scary world. I am not afraid for myself. I am afraid of losing any more family.

    This turned out to be longer than I’d expected…

    Thanks…

    #378926
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    It is such a joy to know that you like Indian food! What is your favourite?

    Thank you for such kind words about my homeland. It gave me such a deep feeling of warmth in my chest.

    I do plan to start wearing my bracelet or at least keep it within reach. Touching it does make me feel much calmer and safe. I even have a similar feeling with a cross. I have always carried a rosary on my person, and I wear it many times too. I have several wooden crosses too. I can’t explain why, but I have always felt a sense of safety with a cross. I am not Christian, and I hope I am not offending anyone. My college has a chapel, which I used to visit every Monday and Friday. These prayer times were the most peaceful times of my week.

    Yes, you are right. It is better to concentrate on what I can control.

    Well, I do have to step out once or twice a week for groceries and the such. I do wear 2 masks, yes. And I don’t go into crowded places and keep away if someone is not wearing their mask right. I feed the stray cats in my building every night, so I have to get out every night. But I do it with two masks, and I dont touch anything except the cat food, which is kept in my window. One of my big fears is giving COVID to my cats. I’m rather attached to them.

    Hope you are having a good day…

    #378927
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear anonymous03,

    hi, good to chat with you too! 🙂

    So it would be better if she did actual research. 

    The unfortunate thing is that they aren’t open to facts and science. Rather, they’re actively seeking information and sources that will confirm what they want to believe. And unfortunately, there are so many sources out there that will give them the false reasoning and false proofs they’re looking for.

    What do I do when others won’t take care? It is a scary world. I am not afraid for myself. I am afraid of losing any more family.

    I know, I was very afraid too, not so much for myself but for my husband, who has a chronic lung condition. And I thought that challenging those virus deniers among my friends and acquaintances would somehow help slow down the spread of the virus, and eventually help prevent my husband from catching it and possibly dying from it. That’s the bottom line of why I was so eagerly involved in those debates – the fear of losing a loved one. I wasn’t aware of it at first, but only later, after having looked deeper into it.

    Eventually, I’ve realized that I can’t really make those people change their mind, and that I need to treat my fear differently – not by trying to change other people’s opinions and behaviors, but by soothing my wound of abandonment. Beside doing everything in my power to protect myself and my loved ones (same as what you’re doing), I need to have faith in God/the universe to protect us.

    I am so afraid that I avoid praying and thanking God for looking after us, for the fear of jinxing it. Maybe I should wear my wooden bracelet at all times.

    Just keep up your prayers and your faith – you won’t jinx anything. In such scary situations, people like us do need to keep their faith, because we need that extra soothing and a sense of protection from a higher power. And then, at the quickest possible opportunity, do get vaccinated, it will make a huge difference and a huge relief.

    I am afraid of losing any more family.

    Does it mean you lost some family members due to covid? If so, my deepest condolences. I will pray for your and your family’s protection and to get out of this nightmare as soon as possible.

     

    #378933
    anita
    Participant

    Dear anonymous03:

    You are welcome. I think that the chances that you may transmit the virus to the stray cats you feed, given that you don’t have symptoms, that you wear two masks and touch nothing but their food- is very, very small, I imagine.

    My favorite Indian food is anything curry with naan. I love to wipe curry off the plate with freshly made naan!

    Keep safe and thank you for  wishing me a good day!

    anita

    #379031
    anita
    Participant

    I am thinking of you, anonymous03, hoping you are safe and that you are feeling okay, considering the circumstances.

    anita

    #379493
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hello Teak,

    Apologies for my delayed response. I have just been procrastinating to be honest. I hope you are safe and well, wherever you are.

    I agree with your point that these “conspiracy theory believers” aren’t open to facts and science. I even know that they have limited to no understanding of biology. I feel it is their own fear acting up. This virus has caused havoc and devastation to such an extent that it is difficult to wrap your head around it. It is hard to believe that such a tiny thing, which isn’t even alive without a host, could cause the world to come to a pause. It is easier to wrap your head around these conspiracy theories, and like you said, the Internet provides you with information on whatever you want to believe.

    I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s lung condition. It must have been so scary for you. Is he vaccinated as well? My country just started vaccination for my age group, but we are facing shortages, so it is difficult to get an appointment, but I am trying.

    Maybe you are right. Maybe it is my own fear of abandonment talking when I argue with these people. I cannot handle uncertainty too well too. But when it comes to these arguments, sometimes I think it is not just my fears talking. It may also be my scientific background. It kind of hits home when people simply refuse to look at and try to understand evidence. It may also be my arrogance, I guess. What do you think?

    No, I haven’t lost any family to COVID (touch wood). But I lost my father when I was a teen, and my immediate family is just me and mom. I have no siblings. I lost all my grandparents after my daddy, and the family has just been getting smaller. So I am just terrified of losing any more family.

    I do hope you are right about me not jinxing anything with prayers. The Help is one my favourite books and movies. Have you read/watched it? One of the main characters, Aibileen Clark, is such a peacefully godly woman, and she writes down her prayers every day. Inspired by her, I used to write mine too. I’ve always found that I communicate better with writing. (And my handwriting is pretty :D) Maybe I should get back to it. Paper could count as wood, right?

    I hope to hear from you.

    #379494
    anonymous03
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m sorry for the delayed response. I just… couldn’t. My brain fog sometimes gets bad, and I find it difficult to complete my work. And then everything gets delayed.

    I am safe, thank you for asking. Restrictions continue, and we are not allowed except for a a few hours a day, which is when we get our groceries and stuff.

    About my cats, well one of them comes home. Jumps right in through the window whenever she pleases. So she’s kind of mine. So I’m much closer to her physically. She likes being carried some times. And she loves sleeping next to me too. I can’t tell you how attached I’ve become to her. So I’m scared for her and take extra precautions so that I dont get it myself and then pass it to her. There is no evidence so far of cats transmitting the virus to humans. Yet, my mother is scared and doesn’t like it much if I touch the cat. She doesn’t even like it much when the cat comes in. But I don’t really listen much. I told her that while I get her fears, it’s something she needs to handle on her own. Till there is evidence of cat-to-human transmission of course. Till then, the cat is going to be home. 😀

    Who doesn’t love a naan and curry. Buttered soft and fluffy naan with coriander is the best. Mushroom curry is my favourite. What’s yours?

    Hope you have a good day 🙂

    #379496
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear anonymous03,

    I am fine, thank you, had my 2nd Pfizer shot yesterday, so should be fully protected in a week or so. My husband got AstraZeneca, since Pfizer wasn’t available at that time, and we were in a rush to have him vaccinated ASAP. I am not super happy about AZ, since it’s not effective against some of the variants, but it’s still good enough. He’s still waiting for his 2nd shot, because the time span between the two shots is longer than for Pfizer. But I feel much more peaceful since we got the vaccine, it’s a world of difference.

    I agree with your point that these “conspiracy theory believers” aren’t open to facts and science. I even know that they have limited to no understanding of biology. I feel it is their own fear acting up.

    Actually I have a theory that some of the people who feel “oppressed” by wearing a mask and who claim that their human rights are being violated might have actually been oppressed as children, by their parents. They have a problem with authority figures and the government as such, believing that there’s a conspiracy of world-wide surveillance, chipping and loss of freedom. The fear of losing that freedom seems irrational for us, because we know it’s just temporary and for epidemiological reasons, but for them, it’s almost like a mortal fear, and there’s nothing that could persuade them that there’s no conspiracy to subdue or enslave them.

    I believe that such strong sentiments and irrational thinking can only be due to some subconscious, inner child fear. I know some of those people – they’re proud to be rebels and free-thinkers, and not “sheep” like the rest of us. So I believe they rebelled against their oppressive parents, who used to crush their will and punish them severely for their transgressions (perhaps made them kneel in the corner for hours, or similar humiliating, almost sadistic things). But they haven’t processed it properly (e.g. dealt with anger at their parents in therapy), so they’re still fighting in their mind, but now projecting their anger and fear at the government who wants to “take away their freedom”. Anyway, this is what I came up with, after observing a few of such acquaintances and their reasoning on social media.

    But when it comes to these arguments, sometimes I think it is not just my fears talking. It may also be my scientific background. It kind of hits home when people simply refuse to look at and try to understand evidence. It may also be my arrogance, I guess. What do you think?

    Perhaps. Maybe you feel they’re disrespecting you when they don’t listen to your scientifically backed arguments? If you take it personally, as a personal attack on your knowledge and expertise, and an attempt to humiliate you – then it’s probably an inner child wound involved, where your self-esteem might feel damaged. I don’t know, just lamenting about the possibilities…

    Thank God you haven’t lost any family members to Covid. I do hope you get vaccinated soon, and till then, keep up your faith and your prayers. I haven’t seen movie The Help (or read the book), but if it helps you to write down your prayers, and you enjoy writing, then yes, by all means do it!

     

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