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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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  • #399846
    LexiDee
    Participant

    Thank you for taking the time to write all this, Anita. The last part in bold really rings true. I don’t know how to interact with people, socializing is exhausting for me. Even the good ones, I’d go home and ruminate and nitpick mistakes I did, phrases I shouldn’t have said.

    I am an immigrant. While life is good on my own (good job, good home) but I have no friends, no family, and I thought animals were my last saving grace. Turned out not to be the case. I have no support system.

    I am still reeling. I am not my usual jolly self. I still have knots in my stomach. I still have no appetite. I cannot find joy in anything. I am lying in bed all day but still can’t sleep properly. I am questioning everything about my life.

    Animal rescue people, while their intention is noble, can be some of the most vicious people on earth. It’s a good thing I’m not in social media.

    #399872
    anita
    Participant

    Dear LexiDee:

    Very anxious people in the social context lower their anxiety by staying away from the social context= staying away from people. I am currently communicating with a very young woman who suffers from social anxiety: she goes to school virtually and spends almost all of her time alone, away from people.

    Seems like you suffer from social anxiety and that is why socializing is exhausting for you, and why after a social interaction, you ruminate and nitpick on everything you said, fearing that you said something wrong (for which you may be punished).

    I wish that the pet shop owner had control over his anger and that he did not yell at you or threaten you. He should have asked you questions in a calm, inquiring tone so to get the information, before reacting in a hot-headed manner (“The pet shop owner saw the post and got very upset. He yelled at me and even threatened to sue for defamation”).

    We should all be careful about expressing our anger, particularly when we assume the worst about others without facts to back up our assumptions.

    I am not my usual jolly self” – what are those usual circumstances when are jolly, and what happens to the anxiety in those times?

    anita

     

    #399876
    LexiDee
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    The young woman you mentioned sounds like an extreme version of me. I still need to muster the courage to go out everyday and face people. I am quite good at faking this normal personality but when I get home I’m exhausted. I am one of those people for whom the pandemic provided relief. It is a terrible thing to say because so many people lost their lives and some people were out of work. I am one of the lucky ones that my company managed to shift to virtual arrangement in the interim, so I should count my blessings.

    I am jolly and the happiest when I’m by myself. No overthinking of how I’m going to be perceived, whether I’m gonna offend or say the wrong things, just me and wikipedia, reading about random interesting stuff. I could just relax, no anxiety. I don’t know if it’s healthy. As I said, I’m an immigrant with no friends or family so I’m not really building any support system by being a recluse, and that worries me sometimes.

    I should also say I have schizoid personality disorder. I used to have this elaborate fantasy world as a coping mechanism. I seldom visit it anymore but at one time, my reality was so unbearable that I used to escape to that fantasy world every so often.

    #399878
    anita
    Participant

    Dear LexiDee:

    I am one of those people for whom the pandemic provided relief. It is a terrible thing to say because so many people lost their lives” – It is not a terrible thing to say, not in this context (it would be if, let’s say, you’d say it to a person who is struggling to breathe because of Covid.). Lots of people, including myself, felt pretty good about the medically approved and universally accepted (valid at the time) excuse to not interact with certain other people, or with people in general.

    I am jolly and the happiest when I’m by myself. No overthinking of how I’m going to be perceived, whether I’m gonna offend or say the wrong things” – I just brought back my 2015 “Being a Bully to Myself” thread, maybe you’d like to read what I added to it today, it’s relevant to what you wrote here.

    As I said, I’m an immigrant with no friends or family so I’m not really building any support system by being a recluse, and that worries me sometimes” – I was an immigrant too and lacked a social support system much of the time. Thing is, I left my country of origin for the purpose of escaping my mother. Family is often not a support system, but a danger, really.

    I should also say I have schizoid personality disorder. I used to have this elaborate fantasy world as a coping mechanism. I seldom visit it anymore but at one time, my reality was so unbearable that I used to escape to that fantasy world every so often” – I used to daydream a whole lot, from morning to night. It was like a movie on the big screen (of my mind) playing all day long, I miss that experience sometimes.

    The mayo clinic about schizoid personality disorder: “condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. They also have a limited range of emotional expression… you don’t tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don’t care about others or what’s going on around you… Symptoms: * Prefer being alone and choose to do activities alone, * Don’t enjoy close relationships, … * Feel like you can’t experience pleasure, * Have difficulty expressing emotions and reacting appropriately to situations, * May seem humorless, indifferent or emotionally cold to others, * May appear to lack motivation and goals, * Don’t react to praise or critical remarks from others” –

    the last one doesn’t seem to fit you because you very much reacted to the critical (yelling) of the pet shop owner. (Not all symptoms listed are needed for a diagnosis). Is the description above and the other symptoms true to you?

    anita

     

    #400555
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, LexiDee?

    anita

Viewing 5 posts - 16 through 20 (of 20 total)

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