Hi G,

I only just registered to Tiny Buddha for reasons different to your own but I saw your post and wanted to reply. I just wanted to say you are so brave to make this post, good for you. That in itself shows you’re a fighter, to make yourself vulnerable by sharing your story 🙂

I am so sorry to read about your situation, I cannot imagine what you are going through. I can relate though to you feeling like other people have it all figured out and that you’re the only one who doesn’t. This simply isn’t true – in my experience the more I have told friends/family about this, it seems that everyone feels like they’re winging it. When you’re young there is enormous pressure to decide what you should do after uni etc. I’m 26 and I’ve changed my mind about what to do with my career about 10 times so far. I recently changed to a totally different career path to work with animals – nothing to do with my degree. I stopped comparing myself to friends and thinking I need to earn as much money as possible to feel fulfilled and meet my peers expectations and thought, well hang on, what would make me HAPPY instead? What small step can I take to get me to a happier place? It might take you a little while to figure out what makes you happy, but you will get there.

The point about worrying about your grades – don’t. It sounds like you are doing your absolute best under the circumstances and you cannot possibly do more than that. You can always go back to study a course you know you’re interested in further down the line. It sounds like right now your physical and mental health should be your priority – focus on ways you could help improve this one day at a time (sounds like you’re already doing that so just keep at it).

Also I very much doubt you are letting your family down bless you. I am sure your family want the best for you and to support you. You don’t have to ‘be happy’ for your family – that’s the thing about mental health, you feel how you feel and that’s all you can do. All you can do is accept that some days you’ll feel down and others maybe a little bit better. Don’t force anything, just be. Anyone else in your situation would feel everything you’re feeling. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Sorry for the essay, I might be talking a load of rubbish, but hoping it might help a little.

You are brave and you are strong! Just take it one day at a time. Try talking to others in a similar situation.

Best of luck to you, V