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Old Crush.. Friendship.. Keep in touch and how?

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  • #337444

    A high school crush recently confessed he had feelings for me at the time we studied together, all I can say is we had a different level of connection but we never got to know each other as friends nor was there a relationship.

    We were in touch on and off during these years on social media like a “how you doing” kinda question but nothing ongoing.

    On confessing he mentioned he wanted to connect more like a personal messaging platform so we exchanged our numbers, he told me he was actually interested in having a virtual affair (virtual coz we are not in the same country/ timezone) and somewhat a physical relation when the time comes. This was not what I expected from reconnecting and cleared to him that it is not a good idea considering we both are happily married to our partners and such kind of relationship would ruin many things plus I had never thought of anything like that before or today.

    He tried couple of times to get the conversations going towards we can say the kinky side like sending half nude pics, asking if I am alone etc. or show me your curves but I never lead those conversations ahead either changed the topic and took them lightly.

    Not sure if this made him lose interest in continuing conversations but then it just came down to “let’s talk tomorrow”, “I am at home with family”, “my wife is conservative she may not accept this friendship”, ” workload is increasing we will connect when in office but cannot promise when”, and again “you can connect tomorrow”.

    Now that I am writing things down it struck me that possibly my disinterest in what he was looking for may have cut things out, I was tired of his let’s chat tomorrow (but then I am supposed to initiate everyday) during the week and I am home its the weekend again tomorrow, it took a toll on my mental health, felt like he was deliberately doing it so I cut contact since about 10 days and have not heard from him since then.

    Need advice on what I should do to reconcile differences or it is not worth that too? It is pretty basic for what I was expecting is to return a message/call when possible for him so that we could keep in touch. I was more interested in being friends with him, getting to know him as person.

    I do miss him and feel that connection from high school with him but I am debating whether going back is worth and if I do how we both can be on the same page together? From the current situation it appears this is going to be years apart and on and off only maybe.

    Please advice.

    #337550
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi Thirst-of-validation,

    You were clear that you don’t want a virtual or physical relationship with him, yet he sends you half-nude pics and asks to see your curves. How would your husband feel about this? And how would you feel if your husband had a female friend who was sending him half-nude pics and wanting a physical relationship with him?

    Take it from someone who’s been married many years, let this friendship go. This guy’s trouble.

    B

    #337632
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi thirst-of-validation,

    He’s bored in his marriage and desperately hoped that you would have a sexy exchange via the computer.

    You shot him down and he’s licking his wounds. It’s as simple as that.

    The next time he contacts you (he will) write back: “Hey, this is Not So Thirsty’s husband, Mr. Validation”.

    The guy will stammer online, and backtrack.

    And hopefully he’ll learn something.

    Best,

    Inky

    #337638

    Hi Brandy,

    Yes I agree with you, I did not think from the perspective where a female friend reached out to my husband similarly.

    Ours (husband and mine) and every marriage is built on trust and just because my husband trusts me with my friendships it would feel as if I am cheating on him continuing on.

    The only part I am not able to wrap my head around is that I considered him a good friend but turns out its not, finding it difficult to move on with that 🙁

    #337642

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you, you are on point; he never told me much about his married life in general too but I was afraid to assume that this encounter maybe because he is bored in his marriage.

    Yeah I shot him down and that is why he is trying to hurt back with this type of ignorance because I want just friendship?

    Yes will do, I wish too he contacts infact that’s all I wanted a mutual friendship for old times sake.

     

    #337644
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again,

    He is acting this way because he is embarrassed.

    He doesn’t want friendship. Or worse: to be Friendzoned.

    Inky

    #337692

    Thank you Inky, this clears my doubts on what he exactly would be feeling vs me pursuing the friendship.

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