On my way to self-compassion 🪷

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This topic has 64 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 days, 4 hours ago by Alessa.

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March 7, 2025 at 11:44 am #443710

anita
Participant

Hello everyone,

I wanted to take a moment to apologize to the community, and especially to Jena, for responding after she asked me not to. I became emotional in wanting to express care and support, but I now realize that my emotional state clouded my judgment and led me to overstep her boundaries.

Moving forward, I will be more mindful to ensure that I communicate with care and respect for everyone’s needs.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect and learn.

March 8, 2025 at 1:17 pm #443955

Jana 🪷
Participant

Dear Anita,

I used some time for self-reflection.

Once again, I followed a pattern that keeps repeating itself in my life: I let a stronger person, that is you, influence me too much. And it inevitably had to come out sooner or later because my karma is trying to teach me something.

I no longer suffer from social phobia – my greatest enemy is no longer with me. But the seed of fear is still there. So, I ask myself again: Will I ever be free from this fear of people?

No answer necessary. Time will show.

I think that Buddha was right. Most of our perceptions are erroneous. I am sorry if I was mistaken. I really hope I was. And there is no reason to be afraid of you.

But at the same time, I would like you to really think deeply about this. Now, you know that there can be people who are afraid of you or the energy you create. Is it really only me and this erroneous perception my deep-rooted fear creates?

No one cares. I guess I must be wrong again.

You are not a nobody. Everyone always comes back to this forum looking for you. “Anita, I need your advice.” You are a respected and sought-after person. I understand why you matter to others here. And I believe that you don’t realize how much influence you really have. But with influence comes a great responsibility, too. Your words have big impact on others… both positive and negative.

I was inspired by Alessa’s words: “Every day is a new day. This is my philosophy. There are good days and there are bad days. I’m not foolish enough to throw away a friend because of a bad day.”

But I don’t know if you feel that I am a friend or only someone who needs to be fixed.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I am not upset. I am confused… unsure… I lost my interest in this forum because I suddenly feel that it is not safe to open that much anymore. I feel something “in the air”… I cannot pretend that nothing is going on here. But again… it is only me who feels it.

What is the difference between perception and feeling? Am I always mistaken? What can I trust, then? Time will show.

Keep doing the good thing and stay true to yourself. My mind and heart need to relax.

👋 🐺

☀️ 🪷

March 8, 2025 at 2:39 pm #443978

anita
Participant

Dear Jana:

I am using my phone and therefore will keep it short. No, Jana, you are not wrong. It’s just that I didn’t know that you were scared of me. It didn’t cross my mind that anyone may be scared of me.

But now I know because tou told me. And I know that there must be other members in the forums past or present, who feel or felt like you do.

So no, it is not only you, Jana.

One of my challenges in life has been not knowing how I come across. Without feedback, I couldn’t know. So, thank you for your honest feedback.

You wrote that you don’t know if I feel that you are a friend or someone who needs to be fixed. Clearly, I am now aware, sadly, it was the latter. I regret this attitude toward you and toward others who felt like you but didn’t tell me.

I intend to internalize what you are teaching me and change further my approach to members in the forums: see people as people and not as projects to fix. I am feeling embarrassed right now about the arrogance on my part, to think that I am or could be a fixer of people 😔

You are a friend, Jana, my friend because you gave me this very valuable, honest feedback, such that is leading me to be a healthier person. How can I possibly not be grateful..?

This is turning out to be a long message, and by far, the longest message I ever typed into a phone.

You are courageous. Jana, for expressing yourself and asserting yourself with a person you were scared of. I admire you for your courage in voicing what others who felt like you were too scared to voice

Of course, I will be honored to be friends with you, and I am smiling right now at the thought that one day you will not at all be scared of me.

I hope that you will stay here in the forums. I would like you to post every day. But this is just my wish. I want you to do what suits you.

Closing this post with a smile 😃

Anita

March 8, 2025 at 8:46 pm #444013

anita
Participant

I am back home to my computer and had to change that last emoji, it’s just too happy looking. Here’s one I am okay with: 🙂 It’s a gentle and modest smile, feels genuine.

anita

March 10, 2025 at 3:22 pm #444047

Alessa
Participant

There have been some changes for me recently regarding self-compassion.

I have been taking care to manage my boundaries better. By this I don’t mean confrontationally. I mean, by making sure that I don’t do things that I’m uncomfortable with or push myself beyond my limit.

Typically, I can be co-dependant and go out of my way to help others even when it starts to take a toll.

I’m not putting myself through that stress anymore. It is important for me to take breaks when I need it.

I’m also practising better self-care. Tailoring it to my autism by focusing on reducing overstimulation. Managing my anxiety with breath work.
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