Dear Jana:

Thank you for creating this new thread and inviting us to join you on this beautiful journey toward self-compassion. Reprogramming deeply ingrained beliefs, especially those shaped by early years of criticism, requires immense mental and emotional effort. I admire you for your courage in facing this challenge.

I appreciate your intention to make this thread a shared space for all of us. I hope that people who find the words ‘self-compassion’ in your thread’s title through their search engines log into tiny buddha and join in the conversation. Self-compassion is indeed a collective journey, and sharing our experiences can inspire and support one another in putting compassion into practice internally (self-compassion) and externally (compassion toward others).

Self-compassion involves acknowledging and accepting one’s flaws and mistakes with kindness and understanding. People who are perfectionists fear that this approach will make them less disciplined and less likely to achieve their high standards of no-mistakes. They worry that if they are kind to themselves and accept their imperfections, they will lose the drive to strive for excellence and become lazy, that self-compassion will result in lower performance and failure. Perfectionists tend to believe that being hard on themselves is necessary to maintain their high levels of achievement and success.

Contrary to these fears, self-compassion actually promotes resilience. By being kind to ourselves, we can better cope with setbacks and bounce back more quickly. When we view our mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement, rather than as failures, it leads to personal and professional growth.

Also, perfectionists are at risk of burnout due to their relentless pursuit of perfection. Self-compassion provides a healthy balance, preventing exhaustion and promoting long-term well-being.

Studies have shown that self-compassionate individuals are more motivated and committed to their goals. Treating ourselves with kindness creates a supportive inner environment that fosters sustained overall well-being.

In some ways, I have been a perfectionist, believing that no mistake was acceptable or excusable, and that making no mistakes was the only way I could be okay with myself. I wasn’t afraid that self-compassion would make me weak because I had no idea what self-compassion meant, and I already felt very weak. I wanted so much to be strong but felt that I didn’t deserve to be strong or anything else that was good until such time that I stopped making any mistakes forevermore.

Fast forward: what a relief 😃! I don’t have to be perfect, and I can’t be perfect no matter how hard I try and for how long! Even better: no one can be perfect.. and no one should try the unattainable (sigh of relief)!

I look forward to continuing this conversation and reading from others about their experiences with self-compassion. Thank you for starting this meaningful dialogue.

anita