Hi all,

I’ve just joined these forums as I’ve been doing some research around a couple of topics and loved the articles I came across on Tiny Buddha. Wasn’t really sure whether to post this in relationships or emotional mastery but I chose here as I think really the issue is more with myself…

Basically, there is an issue that has cropped up a couple of times in my relationship – it’s to do with my boyfriend’s Instagram account. To cut a long story short, I feel like he acts like a single man on there. His pictures are all of him, his daughter, his achievements etc… I don’t feature. He also comments on other women’s pictures in a way that I feel is inappropriate for someone in a relationship. I have tried to be understanding… perhaps it was a habit he’d got into before I arrived on the scene, perhaps he needs one area of outlet where he can be the man he was before we got together… etc. I should also say that apart from this one issue, he is a fantastic partner. We do lots together, I’m always his plus-one to events, he is thoughtful (e.g. bringing me a cup of tea in bed in the morning, cooking when I’ve had a long day at work), we hold hands walking down the street, we talk about our plans and dreams… we are also ‘in a relationship’ on FB and there are lots of pictures of us together on there. This makes me wonder if I am being really irrational worrying about Instagram so much? And it seems pathetic to feel this way over a social media account…

My issue is that when I think about it, I go moody, resentful, jealous… I don’t handle myself very well at all. When I first saw his Instagram profile he knew something was up because I went very quiet and monosyllabic (what I now recognise as being passive aggressive). After a while, I did tell him what the issue was, he apologised, said he could see it was out of order, and I thought we’d resolved it. However, nothing changed. This issue is making me feel so angry and jealous that I can almost feeling it eating away at me. I know that isn’t healthy. I also know that our relationship is doomed if I can’t communicate with him about things that are important to me, and if I can’t trust him on things like this.

I suppose I just wondered if anyone had gone through anything similar.. and to get an outside perspective on whether people think I’m being irrational about this? Given that everything else is so great, should I just let him have this ‘single domain’ and chill out about it? It just bothers me that perhaps it reflects a deep-down desire that he would rather be single, and free to flirt with other women – odd given his behaviour in every other aspect of our relationship. I don’t get why if he was proud to be my partner, he wouldn’t want to be posting pictures of us together at every opportunity. It makes me sad, and makes me doubt a little whether what we have is really genuine. And then the bigger issues within this – it’s highlighted that I have issues with communicating negative emotions to him. How can I develop into someone who has the confidence to bring these topics up? I guess I’m ultimately scared that conflict will lead to rejection.. have any of you dealt with passive aggression/resentment in a relationship – what do you think are good tools/strategies for developing through something like this?

Thanks!