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Overwhelmed – thankful for your thoughts

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  • May 14, 2015 at 4:26 am #76770
    Coffee
    Participant

    Hi everyone

    Hope you’re well. I’m feeling really overwhelmed by life at the moment and would value some insight.

    Feeling overwhelmed by pressures of life, mainly because of my job which involves a long commute, long hours and a lot of stress, which then has a knock on effect on other parts of my life.

    There are other things adding to the stress but not relevant to the issue in my head which is…

    I keep coming back to the same thing: do I need to accept my situation or change it? Ie get a new job/lifestyle or accept that stress is part of life and deal with it?

    I do meditation, yoga etc which helps balance but this question is still in my head

    Thanks in advance x

    May 14, 2015 at 4:46 am #76771
    Matt
    Participant

    Coffee,

    In my opinion, both. Learn to work with stress skillfully, such as meditation and yoga. Learn to minimize the stress you’re producing, such as less projection of concrete meaning onto the experiences you’re having. This will help free up the space for the next waypoint along coffee’s path.

    One secret is that the commute and long hours don’t inherently produce stress. Stress arises as you grab onto the experiences as yours. “Not mine” said the Buddha. Such as, consider spending time on the commute home setting down the day. “There is no need to think more about the stress I experienced today at work”. Ripples of thoughts, “gotta gotta gotta do do do”. Nope, “not mine”. Commute home inside, too. Then, when you do get home, you’ll be home already, instead of looking, trying, seeking.

    Do you have kids and a family? What keeps you glued there?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    May 14, 2015 at 5:09 am #76772
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi coffee,

    For the long commute try listening to books on tape, a comedy, or meditation CDs.

    For work, have rest stops throughout the day. Chair yoga… And everyone has to use the bathroom, right? Have like a mini spa experience in the bathroom. Skin brushing, moisturizing, relaxation, breathing, visualizing. For lunch or a snack have goat’s milk or goat cheese, nuts, lemon water, a salad. Drink a lot of water so you don’t get fatigued.

    OK, when my MIL was dying, I told my frazzled, weary DH, “On any given day you can work, take care of the house/kids/family or visit your mother. Pick two.” It was such a relief to him that he didn’t have to Do It All in a day, every day.

    Like, I don’t know your job, but Batching helps: Do paper work Monday, Phone Calls Tuesday, Travel Wednesday, Email Processing Thursday, Wrap Up Friday.

    Also, usually people feel stressed when there’s competing interests. Can you let everything else go? Hire a house cleaner? Car pool? Have groceries delivered? Imagine that you didn’t have a house, family, friends or hobbies, and your job was your life. You live in the office. This is all you do. This is all there is. That thought should actually relax you. If you feel more stressed thinking that thought, explore other options.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
    May 14, 2015 at 5:23 am #76775
    Inky
    Participant

    Oh, and move closer to your job. Like, within half an hour. Bam, you have up to two hours of your life back! You might have move to a smaller place, but it’s worth it!

    May 14, 2015 at 8:17 am #76792
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Coffee:
    You asked: “do I need to accept my situation or change it?” My answer, if i may answer your question is: accept your situation AND change it. Not or, but “and”- accept it FOR NOW, this moment, this day AND take steps to change it. When you successfully adapt the attitude of accepting it- you spend less time resisting it and have more energy to take the steps to change it. Take care:
    anita

    May 14, 2015 at 2:03 pm #76821
    Coffee
    Participant

    Dear Matt, Inky and Anita,

    Thank you so much for your kind responses, it’s really helped ease my mind to have your words and wisdom. It’s been a great comfort today.

    Matt – ‘Both’ is the only conclusion I’d ever come to, it just never gives me the clarity I’m after in terms of making life decisions.

    Like the idea of an inside commute, thanks!

    I don’t have family/kids. What keeps me in job? Good Q. I suppose fear of loosing what I’ve built up in career, lack of clarity in what else I’d do and the original thought of ‘am I just giving this up because my mindset is wrong or is it because it’s wrong for me?’ Or are they one in the same? (Right/wrong obviously very stark/loaded and it’s obviously a lot more complex but hopefully you get what I mean)

    Inky – thanks for all your great suggestions. Love the ‘pick two’ suggestion. The idea of telling yourself you only work was interesting for me and one I’ve tried before. Sometimes it helps but mainly it makes me sad as I’m missing out on other things and falling behind on others. I don’t want to sleepwalk into never following my true path.

    Anita – yep, both was where I got to as well, I totally hear you. I guess I’m thinking more about whether I should make changes or not? I hope the energy comes…

    Thanks again to you all for taking the time to offer your thoughts, I feel very lucky to have you kind strangers reach out

    Warm wishes

    May 15, 2015 at 9:01 am #76843
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Coffee:
    I appreciate your response mentioning all those who responded to your original post here, being as grateful and appreciative, KIND in your reply. It feels good to be acknowledged. Please update us as to your work situation and post again.
    anita

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