Panicked after I saw a picture of my ex

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This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by Naia.

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August 14, 2018 at 5:26 pm #221529

Naia
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Hello,

My ex broke up with me at the beginning of March after 6 months. He was my first boyfriend and it was an intense relationship.
I got help from my friends and a therapist, I blocked him everywhere which really upset him and I have been doing very well for a month or 2. No pain, no sadness

I honestly thought I was over him
But then, for the first time I came upon a picture of him on Facebook. A friend of mine posted a picture of him woth other people, but he was not tagged in it so it appeared in my news feed

I immediately recognized his face and closed the page as my heart was pounding and I was breathing heavily, Suddenly, a flow of memories came back and I remembered all the hurt, the rejection, his smell, our first night, our private jokes … all of it because of that stupid picture.
Are you supposed to feel that way every time you see your ex ? I thought by now (5,5 months post BU) I would be over it…
Is everything I am experiencing normal ?

It was 30 minutes ago, I have calmed down now. Does that mean those last months of progression meant nothing ? I am worried I will never get over him 🙁

Thank you !

August 14, 2018 at 5:42 pm #221533

Rosie
Participant

I do not think that your months of progress meant nothing. I think that the reaction you had was so strong, because seeing the picture of your ex was so unexpected. I experienced something kind of similar the other day. I seen a guy that I dated 5 years ago, while shopping. When I seen him, I felt butterflies in my stomach. Although I am now at a different place in life, I still remembered what me and my ex shared (even 5 years later) and had a reaction to it.

August 14, 2018 at 7:06 pm #221535

Prash
Participant

Dear Naia,

This person was your first boyfriend and you described an intense relationship. After weeks and months of not being exposed to anything related to him, seeing his face was but a natural reminder of all that you have been through with him.

Your ability to have calmed down is the result of your progress. Over a period of time with further progression the intensity of your reactions will come down further till a time when any reminder of him becomes just a speck in past memories.

A relationship is a great opportunity to learn more about ourselves, to learn more about our expectations. See if you can convert the kind of reactions that you had or may have in to a learning process for your healing & growth.

Take care.

August 14, 2018 at 8:26 pm #221543

miranam
Participant

Dear Naia,

I know how unpleasant it can be from on hand experience. But, please do not worry, this is normal. If you felt you are over him then you are over. You have been triggered and reacted to it, this does not undermine the fact that you are over. If I may give you an advice, try to not be hard on yourself by blaming you for your reaction. Try to not get rid of whatever emotion you might experience. Accept it. What we resist persists. Let your thoughts come and go without giving much importance to them. Trust in you and you progress and you will be back on track in no time.

August 15, 2018 at 4:22 am #221561

anxie1y
Participant

Hello Naia,

What you have been through I would say is normal. We are human being, sometimes it’s hard for us to let go of someone else if deep down we had developed a very strong bond there. For the past few months perhaps you’re masking your emotion by keeping yourself distracted and busy with something else, and by the time you saw your ex, out of the sudden a lot of flashbacks triggered. Just continue to progress your life, by the time you’ve found the purpose or someone special in your life the intensive feeling will subside.

George

August 15, 2018 at 6:54 am #221571

Inky
Participant

Hi Naia,

Your reaction was totally normal!

Keep in mind that he did react badly to your blocking him AND the picture was a reminder that he is still friends with your friends. Meaning he is dwelling in the peripheries of your world whether you blocked him or not.

Your anxiety was telling you (prepping you?) that you COULD theoretically run into him. I would take that anxiety as a message: What will/would you do if you see him again in real life?

Best,

Inky

August 18, 2018 at 2:02 pm #222043

Naia
Participant

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your answers, they helped me so much ! 🙂

I feel definitely better now ! Although it triggered some negative emotions at first, I made it through much more easily than I thought and I am now more calm and peaceful about the whole situation.

You must be right :those progressed I made those last months haven’t vanished

So thank you all 🙂
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