I’m leaving now Anita…. Painful to feel that I’m going there but not to see him as I always used to. I’m glad it’s going to be a quick trip because I really don’t want to get into an emotional vortex…

Dear anita,
I’m back home.
so it turns out i didn’t feel any emotional vortex afterall.
I went there for bureaucracy purposes but also to pick up my stuff back that were in my former house with ex. A friend was storing them over for me, so I did not have to meet with him.
As I picked up my stuff, everything was a mess, and as a detail, he left an used underwear that belonged to someone else as a ”gift”. Honestly, his bad taste and willingness to harm me did not harm me at all. It didn’t affect me at all.
I know I’m bigger than this and that I deserve better.
In the day after (yesterday) I went to my favorite place in this city, which is a rock that faces to a beach and with a view to a breathtaking sunset and meditated for quite a long time. It was a beautiful day. The message I received from the unvierse at that moment somehow was to feel gratitude. To everything. To that moment, to the strong woman I have become, and even to the ex. To the life I’ve had in that city,and to the fact that I’ve been doing a lot better and winning this battle that I thought I never would.
So i’m just being thankful to life and to the universe right now.
And sincerely- I didn’t plan on contacting ex ever again in my life (we haven’t spoken in ages, he messaged me a few weeks ago but being mean as always and I never replied) – but I emailed him today just saying thanks for him having been part of my life and for all the learning. Just to say a final goodbye with a positive message. To cut the negativity cycle. The title of the email was indeed goodbye.
So, on to new adventures anita. WOrking hard to move abroad here. Just hoping the universe will help me with that. With my PhD that I’ve been dreaming about. 🙂
anxiously waiting for your remarks!

Anita,
you are right- feelings are like the weather and sometimes a bit of sadness comes and goes. But I usually do what you have told me multiple times, which works perfectly well: to endure. to watch it come and go. It was the most helpful advice someone has ever given to me. I’m treating me very well 🙂 this has been quite the lesson as well of these tough times. I’m everything I’ve got afterall.
Will keep posting 🙂

Anita,
as always, relationship with my mother, is the issue all over again. She wants to try to fix it but I can’t pretend anymore and try it fakely. I’ve had enough negative remarks from her over my life. That i’m ungrateful, that i’m a bad person, that i’ll die alone, etc. I’m done with that and i’ve made that clear. Unfortunately today I had to ask her not to attend the same yoga class that I was going to attend (we go to the same gym), because she takes away all the pleasure of yoga for me when she is practing with me. Honestly I dont know if I was unfair in this case or not, but i suppose some boundaries are necessary so that i don’t hear all that cr*ap anymore? I don’t know, honestly.