I felt this reaction is outside her spectrum. Saw this as over reacting. I wasnt able to calm her down. Never saw anything like this before… but… I felt as well that this reaction shows emotional intensity and her intent must be somehow real. Something that I take into consideration although general view on her hobesty.

We both were crying over that week. I wanted to do a proper closure. This relationship was important to me. I wanted to allow my emotions to come to surface and wanted time to think my decision through. We ve spent a whole week o conversing and crying over it all. I remember one of her sentenes “I am so stupid, I always f… something up”.

I am a person who judges state of myself in stillness… without interruptions like work. This is when I can feel myself real.

Generally yes. I made it clear: for me to stay in this relationship, this and that would have to happen. Otherwise this is not for me.

I felt if she is in pain of loosing me, that she would respect my boundaries to keep me.

Choices good for her to make if she wants a relationship with me.

I spoke with her for a year online before I met her, we spoke openly about partners, life, her pain after husbands death and so on. Within few months from meeting her I KNEW she has plenty of grieving to do and I helped her going through it. We spoke a lot, she cried even more. Throughout the process I clearly communicated how in my view relationship looks like, about mine and hers expectations. We matched fully in regards to it. Thats why I went deeper. She made clear with me that she had light relationships with men as she had no capacity for relationship and did things just to ease the pain. We agreed on commitment – she asked for exclusivity and I agreed.

Entering the relationship showed differences in this field. Basically, what I heard didn’t match with what I experienced with her. Early days I saw her not getting close emotionally with me. After few light remarks over few weeks I cried to her on the couch saying that something here is not right. That her emotional distancing doesn’t match what we did and spoke about before. She was telling me it must be difficulties at work, sick father etc. Turned out disctractions that were interrupting her emotional closeness were quite permanent and various. Like she still wasn’t ready for relationship.

I cared who she is, I saw flaws, I believed and we spoke about it that what she did before she met me wasn’t her desired path. That depression took sensitivity off, that she was just surviving allowing herself quick fixes of happiness. That she didnt feel like she wanted to be alive.

Yes, my mother wasn’t happy in relationship with my dad. She didn’t feel appreciated, he left the whole home for her care including two small of us. He was taking off after work to his friends in the garage fixing cars and so on. She cried a lot, they argued, she left one day saying she us leaving, but came back few minutes later. I remember I was standing there looking at her and closing door devastated.

She used to take a lot of pain killers (don’t know why), after she had my brother she was affraid to leave home, her friend recommended a book to her. Helped apparently. But I see my mom as quite full of various fears although she can be dominating and harsh at times.