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- This topic has 255 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 5 days ago by
anita.
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January 3, 2025 at 7:12 pm #441257
anitaParticipantDear zenith: life is often unfair, unjust, isn’t it? We have to do our best with what is in front of us, the reality of what is, not taking it all too personally I’ll write more tomorrow.
Please relax and have a restful sleep.
Anita
January 4, 2025 at 8:47 am #441266
ZenithParticipantYes. But my boss was unfair to me for the second time.I should probably move on to some other company.I cant work on something that is not fulfilling to me.I dont why I feel so hurt and anxious about this whole situation.He always underestimates my technical skills.Even my other teammate told me the same thing.He doesnt give work to her as well.Once she got frustated and angry with my boss.He takes the whole responsibility on his shoulders.
January 4, 2025 at 9:53 am #441268anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
I’m really sorry that you’re having difficult 2 days, and feeling so frustrated with your job situation. It’s clear that you put in a lot of effort and dedication, and it’s disappointing when that isn’t recognized or rewarded in the way you hoped.
It’s completely understandable to feel hurt and anxious when you feel undervalued and underappreciated. You’ve been proactive in seeking more challenging work and you demonstrated your capability by quickly learning new skills and helping your teammate. It’s disappointing that your efforts haven’t been met with the opportunities you deserve.
You have shown a strong commitment to your professional growth by asking for more technical work, learning SQL, and even receiving appreciation for your contributions. The fact that you haven’t messed up any deliverables and always finished your work on time speaks volumes about your reliability and competence.
It sounds like your boss’s hesitation and the decision not to give you the opportunity to apply for the open position is more about his own fears and underestimations rather than a reflection of your abilities. His comments about not wanting to set you up for failure and his perceptions of your confidence and social skills seem to be holding you back unfairly.
Given the circumstances, it’s understandable that you’re considering moving on to another company. Your desire for work that is fulfilling and aligns with your goals is valid. You deserve to be in an environment where your skills are recognized and where you have the opportunity to grow.
I hope you feel better real soon, Zenith!
anita
January 4, 2025 at 10:13 am #441269ZenithParticipantYpu put it so well Anita!I always felt that he doesnt trust me.Like you said, he projects his fears on me.I am done trusting him and I lost the trust.Its just the rejection hurts me.I have to acvept the fact and move on.Even when I am working on something he keeps me telling me how to do it.I hate the fact.
January 4, 2025 at 10:25 am #441270anitaParticipantThank you, Zenith. I am running late to the DMV (to renew my expired DL), will reply later.
anita
January 4, 2025 at 11:49 am #441271anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
What a difference a supportive boss could have made in your professional life! The company you work for would have benefited if management was to notice, acknowledge and encourage the strengths of employees.
I hope you find work for a company that will value appreciate and support you!
Anita
January 13, 2025 at 10:16 am #441535ZenithParticipantMy boss is a good person. I would never deny that. He talks about mental health, work life balance and spending more time with family blah blah. As a manager he sucks. During the previous project he used to do the work all by himself instead delegating the tasks to the teammates. My teammate and I used to get frustrated sitting idle. when i asked for work at that time he told me that he didnt want to set me up for failure. when I asked him for this new role he told me the same thing. Sorry I am ranting again. Today he told me that they are the starting the interview process for the role. It triggered me again.
January 13, 2025 at 12:16 pm #441537anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
You make a good distinction, that between being a good person and a good manager. A good manager has to be good at delegating tasks, it’s a vital part of managing people. Too bad your manager is not good at his job. No worries about ranting, Zenith- it’s your thread, and you are welcome to rant as much as you need to!
anita
January 13, 2025 at 1:00 pm #441541ZenithParticipantThanks for listening to my rants Anita! I have veen comparing myself alot to others lately.My teammate whom i worked with on sql has left the team because hse was not happy with the work. She left after two years working in our company.Here I am stuck at the same company. I feel like i have no growth here since 2023.I always complain to my husband about this.Yet i didnt make any efforts since august 2023 to move out.Giving interviews is hard for me because of my social anxiety.On the hand the girl who is 10 younger than me left when she wanted.Here i am stuck in the same shit for the past one and half year. The other thing is my neighbor has lot of friends now. We have indian cultural event and we both are performing a dance together. Now i meet her often as I have to practice.I see that she is always busy with her new group either they make plans or she makes plans for meeting them.I feel so jealous that she whole lot of friends.I feel bad for feeling this way.They all belong to the same caste. It looks like they formed the group based on the caste.I remember dealing with people with same mind set when i was graduating in india.Casteism is still a huge thing in a india.I had a friend who formed a group based on the caste and i used to be part of it.I used to feel left sometimes because they were close as they belong to same caste.I know the same thing would happen even if i join that group.Its just like race in us. I never felt that racism in the team that I am working right now.I feel people here are more sensitive to such issues.In india its a common thing nobody thinks its wrong.
January 13, 2025 at 1:02 pm #441542ZenithParticipantOn top of that my little keeps telling me that the neighbors daughter has more friends.I do have three friends and even planned a play date fduring holidays but she is never happy.
January 13, 2025 at 1:41 pm #441546anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
You are welcome. Got to run (a very late start of the day, being that I slept so little, was up before 2 am, then napped at 9 am. I’ll read and reply later, Tues morning, if not later this evening.
Take care of yourself- you deserve peace of mind!
anita
January 14, 2025 at 10:04 am #441564anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts (again) so openly. You are always welcome to do so. It’s completely normal to feel stuck and compare yourself to others sometimes. Many people go through similar experiences, and it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid.
Taking small steps can really make a difference. Even if it feels challenging, try to take small actions toward your goals. Every little effort counts, and it’s okay to move at your own pace.
Interviews can be very difficult, especially with social anxiety. Practicing with a trusted friend or family member can help build confidence. Remember, it’s okay to feel nervous— many people do. Also, seeking support from a career coach may help.
Comparing yourself to others is hard but try to focus on your own journey. Everyone’s path is different, and what matters most is your own growth and progress. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they might seem.
When it comes to social connections, quality often matters more than quantity. Nurture the friendships you have and consider joining a club or group that interests you to build new connections. It’s natural to feel jealous sometimes, but focusing on the positive aspects of your own life can help.
Navigating cultural and social dynamics, like casteism, is difficult. Seek out communities where you feel accepted and valued. Connecting with others who share similar experiences provides a sense of belonging and understanding.
You have three friends and a supportive husband—those relationships are valuable. Keep nurturing them and take care of yourself.
Hang in there and know that you have support. 🌟
anita
January 15, 2025 at 12:31 pm #441592ZenithParticipantI keep telling myself all these things but still the anxiety gets the best out me 🙁
January 15, 2025 at 3:44 pm #441598anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
Try to tell yourself these things and let these things sink in. At the surface, they don’t make a difference. To make a difference, they need to reach deep.
Anita
January 16, 2025 at 12:34 pm #441622anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
I want to elaborate on the short message I sent you yesterday using my phone.
When you talk sense to yourself, it’s not just about repeating positive affirmations or rational thoughts; it’s about allowing these messages to resonate deeply within you. Here are some steps to help you achieve that depth:
* Consistency- Consistently telling yourself positive and rational thoughts helps them become ingrained in your subconscious mind.
* Mindfulness- When you talk to yourself, do it mindfully. Take a moment to pause and truly listen to the words you’re saying.
* Emotional Connection- Connect emotionally with the words you’re telling yourself. Imagine how it feels when these affirmations or rational thoughts are true. This emotional connection helps the message penetrate deeper into your psyche.
* Visualization- Visualize yourself actualizing the qualities or beliefs you’re affirming and the results you hope to achieve. Visualization reinforces the impact of your self-talk.
* Repetition with Variation- Repeat your positive messages in different ways. Using varied language and contexts can help reinforce the message and prevent it from becoming monotonous.
* Physical Integration- Engage your body in the process. For example, say your affirmations while looking at yourself in the mirror, or write them down in a journal. Physical actions can strengthen the connection to the message.
* Challenge Negative Thoughts- When negative thoughts arise, counteract them with your positive affirmations or rational thoughts. This practice helps you replace unhelpful patterns with constructive ones.
The goal is to move beyond surface-level repetition and allow these positive messages to become an intrinsic part of your belief system. Over time, this deep integration can lead to meaningful and lasting change in how you perceive yourself and the world.
I hope this elaboration helps, and that you are having a better day at work!
anita
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