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anita.
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April 17, 2025 at 4:38 pm #444952
anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
You are very welcome! As I read “I expect perfection from her and its hard to accept her imperfections I guess.”, it occurred to me that your perfectionism may be linked to your OCD, especially if it involves rigid expectations, difficulty accepting flaws, and emotional distress when things aren’t “just right.”
If perfectionism is causing distress, small shifts in perspective can help ease frustration (I know I am repeating myself):
* Progress over perfection: Celebrate small improvements rather than expecting immediate change. Every time your daughter shows growth—even in small ways—it’s a step forward. Let her know that you notice her small improvements and that you are pleased with her improvements, however small.
There’s a big difference between strictness/rigidity and structure, and finding that balance could make parenting smoother for both you and your daughter. Strictness or rigidity often involves fixed rules with little room for adjustment. It focuses more on obedience, expects immediate compliance, and doesn’t allow for learning through mistakes. When discipline is rigid, kids feel suffocated or rebellious.
On the other hand, structure provides consistency while allowing for flexibility when needed. Structure gives kids clear expectations, teaches responsibility through logical consequences, and provides a sense of security without feeling overly controlling.
How You Can Shift Toward Structure While Avoiding Rigidity?- Make rules predictable but flexible: Instead of enforcing strict demands, consider adjusting expectations based on circumstances (e.g., if bedtime is usually 8:30, allowing occasional shifts for special occasions can help avoid resistance).
Offer choices within structure: Giving limited choices helps kids feel autonomy while still following rules. For example, “Would you like to clean up your toys now or after dinner?” helps her take responsibility without feeling forced.
Use natural consequences: Instead of harsh punishments, teaching cause-and-effect logic (e.g., “If toys aren’t cleaned up, they won’t be available for play”) helps kids learn responsibility without fear or resentment.
Adjust emotional expectations: Parenting comes with emotional challenges, and learning to accept imperfections—in both yourself and your daughter—can ease some of the stress.
Parenting is a learning process. You are navigating your own emotional challenges while guiding your daughter through hers—this is hard work, and you deserve kindness toward yourself, too. Most importantly, you are not failing as a mother. You are learning, adapting, and deeply caring for your child, even in the hardest moments.
About the book you bought her, do you read it to her, with her?
anita
May 2, 2025 at 10:18 am #445320anitaParticipantHow is your health, Zenith? And how is parenting going? (I will soon be leaving for the day and be back to the computer Sat morning).
anita
July 14, 2025 at 12:18 pm #447582
ZenithParticipantHey Anita,
I was pretty burned out because of my little one and I didnt feel like talking about parenting. Also, I went to India in the month of June and came back yesterday.
Even my parents/in laws saw how my little one was giving me a hard time.July 14, 2025 at 12:32 pm #447584anitaParticipantHey Zenith, good to hear back from you!
What you just shared sounds like a lot . Thanks for letting me know—and I really appreciate your honesty. Burnout from parenting is so real, and I’m sorry it’s been so tough. It must’ve taken a lot of energy just to get through some of those days.
How was India, though? Did the change of scenery offer you any kind of pause or perspective—even in the midst of parenting challenges?
You’re doing something very hard, and I hope you’re getting even small pockets of support or rest. Let me know if you feel like sharing more at some point. I’m here. 🤍
Anita
July 14, 2025 at 12:38 pm #447585ZenithParticipantI really had great time in India. This time I didnt experience anxiety at all LOL. I mean I did experience twice but I was able to regulate. My little one had a great time too. My husband and I had a staycation without my little one. Overall, the experience was good.
Now back to grind :(. I miss my family and feel like moving back to India.July 14, 2025 at 12:52 pm #447587anitaParticipantThat sounds like a really lovely trip, Zenith. I’m glad you had a good time and that things felt more calm this time around. And a staycation with your husband—how nice to get that quiet time together!
I can imagine it’s tough being back now, especially missing your family so much. Feeling like you want to move back makes a lot of sense after such a warm visit. Do you think you might consider it one day, or is it just a strong feeling after coming home?
Sending love as you settle back in 🤍
Anita
July 14, 2025 at 12:56 pm #447588ZenithParticipantI dont know I just feel like moving to India since last year. My whole family is in INDIA and I dont have any friends here.
I want to take care of my parents in their old age.
US gives me the comfort and luxury. The only thing i miss about India is my parents.
July 14, 2025 at 1:02 pm #447589anitaParticipantDear Zenith: I will reply in the evening. Please feel free to add anything you wish to add before I return to the computer.
Anita
July 14, 2025 at 6:35 pm #447610anitaParticipantDear Zenith: I hear you. It really makes sense that you’d want to go back to India—your family is there, and it’s hard feeling so far away, especially when you want to help care for your parents. That kind of love and responsibility runs deep.
Even if life in the U.S. feels more comfortable, it sounds like what you truly miss is connection. And without close friends nearby, it’s easy to feel like something important is missing.
Are you thinking about this more seriously now, or just feeling it strongly in your heart?
Either way, I’m here to listen as you figure things out 🤍
Anita
July 15, 2025 at 12:18 am #447614ZenithParticipantI dont know Anita.
I felt the same way when I visited india last year.I wish I could visit my parents whenever I want.
The friendship break up I had with my best friend last year has really made think there is nobody close to me in US except my husband.
I have been in US for the past 9 years. I never had any best friend for the first few years and i never felt like going back to India.
In 2023 when we had a discussion with my husband i told him i dont want to go back because there would be no privacy if i live with my in laws.
May be because of anxiety , I am feeling more lonly here I guess.In india it feels less lonely as you are surrounded people.May be thats the reason why I want to go back I guess.
My parents are getting older too.My siblings wont be able to take care of them.
I hate this anxiety i wish i could live howver I want.
I am also comparing myself with my neighbor who has lot of friends.Its really bothering that I just have 2 friends that too not too close.I have my husband who is my best friend.Then i have my work colleagues whom I talk to everyday which helps me to have a good social interaction.
Even if I go back to India.I will have my set of struggles to deal with.
Living with in laws, dealing with toxic work culture, traffic, no proper parks/ infrastructure.
The only advantage is living close to family.July 15, 2025 at 12:20 am #447615ZenithParticipantSometimes I am very nostalgic to my past like my childhood.I want to be a baby again and didnt have deal with this life alone especially the emotional struggles.
I have every comfort in US.July 15, 2025 at 6:52 am #447625anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
I really felt what you shared. Wanting to be a baby again, just cared for and free from emotional struggles. It makes sense that being in India, surrounded by memories and familiar places, would stir that kind of nostalgia.
It reminded me of your trip to India last year. This is what you posted back then:
July 17, 2024: “I am still in India and will be back on July 26th. Its going good so far.”
July 29: “I am back to US. I feel so homesick right now… It was good and relaxing. I miss my family (MOM & AUNT). My mom treated me like a kid again by cooking my favorite dishes for me, doing laundry and many other things. I miss her the most. I kinda feel lonely here.”
July 30: “So I am worried about if I should settle here or go back to India and take care of my parents. How will I survive this anxiety when i get old?”
August 1, 2024: “I am feeling bit better now” (no mention of nostalgia or being homesick)
See the similarities between what you shared back then and what you shared a year after? Seems like last year you felt homesick for only a few days..?
Going back home reminded you of who you were before life got complicated. It’s okay to wish for that simplicity again. And it’s okay to have all the comforts here in the U.S. and still feel something missing.
Sometimes when we miss the simplicity of childhood, it’s not just the comfort we miss—it’s how light things felt. No heavy thoughts. No pressure. Just being.
Maybe you can bring a little more simplicity into your life now. Not by changing everything around you, but maybe by softening the way you think or treat yourself. Like letting go of overthinking, being kinder to yourself. Maybe this nostalgia is your heart’s way of asking: What could feel simpler right now?
Sending gentle thoughts as you move through this tender feeling. 🤍
Anita
July 15, 2025 at 12:14 pm #447636ZenithParticipantLOL.
I read the thread after posting here. Just wanted to check to how I felt last year.
I am just waiting to let go off this feeling.
My mothers brain is chaotic just like mine. She overthinks everything. I want to be there for in her old age to support her emotionally.
I wish I had the strength to deal with it.Sometimes when we miss the simplicity of childhood, it’s not just the comfort we miss—it’s how light things felt. No heavy thoughts. No pressure. Just being.
This is so true. I always feel nostalgic to how I felt. I had more unstable childhood but still never left anxious my future. I have everything right now but still feel anxious. I slept peacefully during my childhood.July 15, 2025 at 8:03 pm #447647anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
You wrote, “I had more unstable childhood but still never left anxious my future.”- you felt anxious about the Present time, back then.. was it easier than feeling anxious about the Future?
It makes sense you want to be there for your mom emotionally: you love her! Does she fully know that you love her so much? Does it make her feel better to know it?
I loved my mother very, very much, but she either didn’t know that I did, or it didn’t matter to her.
Sending care 🤍
July 16, 2025 at 10:50 am #447667ZenithParticipantLike you said, may be i have felt anxious about the present moment. But it was far better than feeling anxious about future.
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