Dear Zenith:

You are very welcome! As I read “I expect perfection from her and its hard to accept her imperfections I guess.”, it occurred to me that your perfectionism may be linked to your OCD, especially if it involves rigid expectations, difficulty accepting flaws, and emotional distress when things aren’t “just right.”

If perfectionism is causing distress, small shifts in perspective can help ease frustration (I know I am repeating myself):

* Progress over perfection: Celebrate small improvements rather than expecting immediate change. Every time your daughter shows growth—even in small ways—it’s a step forward. Let her know that you notice her small improvements and that you are pleased with her improvements, however small.

There’s a big difference between strictness/rigidity and structure, and finding that balance could make parenting smoother for both you and your daughter. Strictness or rigidity often involves fixed rules with little room for adjustment. It focuses more on obedience, expects immediate compliance, and doesn’t allow for learning through mistakes. When discipline is rigid, kids feel suffocated or rebellious.

On the other hand, structure provides consistency while allowing for flexibility when needed. Structure gives kids clear expectations, teaches responsibility through logical consequences, and provides a sense of security without feeling overly controlling.

How You Can Shift Toward Structure While Avoiding Rigidity?- Make rules predictable but flexible: Instead of enforcing strict demands, consider adjusting expectations based on circumstances (e.g., if bedtime is usually 8:30, allowing occasional shifts for special occasions can help avoid resistance).

Offer choices within structure: Giving limited choices helps kids feel autonomy while still following rules. For example, “Would you like to clean up your toys now or after dinner?” helps her take responsibility without feeling forced.

Use natural consequences: Instead of harsh punishments, teaching cause-and-effect logic (e.g., “If toys aren’t cleaned up, they won’t be available for play”) helps kids learn responsibility without fear or resentment.

Adjust emotional expectations: Parenting comes with emotional challenges, and learning to accept imperfections—in both yourself and your daughter—can ease some of the stress.

Parenting is a learning process. You are navigating your own emotional challenges while guiding your daughter through hers—this is hard work, and you deserve kindness toward yourself, too. Most importantly, you are not failing as a mother. You are learning, adapting, and deeply caring for your child, even in the hardest moments.

About the book you bought her, do you read it to her, with her?

anita