Matt…way to go, and the other respondents as well. John, it’s sounds like you are progressing, I would encourage to do “nothing” for as long as you feel you need and want to. The act of doing “nothing” is actually doing everything you need right now! Productivity is over rated and a social construct. You have had major surgery of the head which is every bit as intense as physical surgery. REST! EAT! SLEEP! Exercise gently. Pray.
As my friend told me a few months ago, there’s nothing wrong with hiding under the bed. Sometimes life is just too intense and overwhelming! We can be brave and strong up to a point and then it’s just time to retreat (re treat – sounds good, like chocolate or something, again and again!).
A word about medication, especially anti depressants – there is a risk that after you start them, you will feel worse before you feel better, including suicidal feelings. I’m speaking from experience here and I hope your doc cautioned you. That is because the medicine is kicking in, allowing you to move from a state of total hopelessness and no energy at all to do anything, to having just enough energy and thought processes to do harm to yourself. It’s a dangerous phase, but it does pass if you will just hang in there.
Treat yourself with tenderness and patience, like you would a beloved friend who needs help. We are SO hard on OURSELVES when it is so easy and natural to be caregivers to others. We need to care give to ourselves in the same fashion.
Blessings to you, and peace.