Hi, this is my first time posting, i’m a 28 year old male.

One could put this in the relationships topic, although i believe this fits here better.

It’s been a little over a year since i broke up with my ex of 5 years. It was not a good relationship and it ended pretty badly for both of us, although we had the sense to call it a truce and wished each other luck though it was purely ceremonial.
This break up deeply affected me as i was terribly ashamed in how i behaved and reacted towards her, it was not the man i thought i was or wanted to be. There were many faults of hers towards me, although none of that i can control. So i won’t focus on it. It was my first relationship and i guess this was a fantastic learning experience and i learned many things about myself.

I recently stumbled past my ex unexpectedly. I rode past her as she was in her car. My heart rapidly shot up and i remained nervous for the remainder of the day, with feelings of bitterness and just a negative base human emotional cocktail of jealousy guilt and hate. This spoke to me profoundly, wether i liked it or not, she was still a big deal and mattered to me. So in the spirit of constant self improvement i extended myself to her via email.

I expressed to her the same sentiments i mentioned above and that i believed it would be nice to catch up for dinner sometime to get some closure on this relationship. Essentially trying to let go of the past and truly forgive each other and even offer each other support.

Next morning to my astonishment all my hate and resentment was replaced with a genuine love for her (care for her). I had finally genuinely forgiven her.
I contacted her expressing my gratitude that she was good enough to do this, as her treatment of me had been haunting me the whole year.
I did mentioned to her my slight disapointment at first glance that we only scratched the surface. One of the things i learned albeit very late that communication is a big issue and as we were together for 5 years i believe feelings lie deeper than what we touched on during the night. For this reason in search for further closure posed the question “what do you want out of this relationship”. So that perhaps this time, we can both be on equal footing and work from there.

In saying this, i made the effort not because i want to bring up the past, but perhaps so we can both acknowledge alternatives to what could have been done.
I genuinely believe it would be good for the both of us going forward and going into new relationships.
I realise and acknowledge the fragility of this situation yet know my motives are pure and in the best interests of both parties. Although as fragile as this is plus this being completely new territory for me, would anyone care to give their opinion on the matter? Any thoughtful response is always appreciated.

• This topic was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by misterman.