May 6, 2020 at 10:08 am #353474
There’s something that truly disturbs me to the core. So much that I consider death as the only option to escape it. Obviously, I have a mental illness. But this causes so much mental anguish to the point I will starve myself and suffer in a corner.
I know people have strong opinions on this and will criticize me as if I’m a racist, but it’s not like that. I really am completely disturbed by seeing deformed people. I’ve only told one person in my life, the person I trust. And even they told me that it was wrong. They’re just people. But I can’t help it. I wish. I wish I wasn’t like this. I want to take my life because I feel like I’m not accepted by society because of it. I feel like a monster.
I see a man with his face deformed. To describe, it’s as if his lower face grew skin. Like a huge deformity on the bottom half on his face. And seeing this traumatized me. Caused me to drink and drink. Suffer and Suffer. And it keeps getting worse. I’m stuck in my head, obsessed. Disturbed.
Please. Help. Me.
Why am I like this?May 6, 2020 at 10:48 am #353590
I would like to understand what is troubling you so much, therefore I ask: can you define what you are referring to as this “serious problem” (similar to how a dictionary defines a term)?
anitaMay 6, 2020 at 4:02 pm #353636
It’s a form of OCD. Kinda like how PTSD can be the mind forcing a traumatic memory into the mind usually trigger by something. Seeing a deformity will cause the image of it to be forced into my mind and I won’t be able to stop it. I just keep thinking about it, seeing it as a constant memory. It’s as if I’m still looking at it.
I just want it to stop and not be bothered like this by it anymore.May 6, 2020 at 6:12 pm #353666
I understand, I was diagnosed with OCD, it started early on, when I was a child. I understand your distress then. And I understand that it is not your fault: it has nothing to do with you being a racist or a monster (“I know people have strong opinions on this and will criticize me as if I’m a racist.. I feel like a monster”).
You suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an anxiety fueled disorder. You are not a bad person. So please don’t think of yourself this way.
The disorder you suffer from is internal, people can’t see it, unlike the disorder you described, the overgrowth of skin- that’s external, people can see it. But both disorders are painful to have.
Are you on OCD medications, did you attend any therapy?
(I will soon be away for about 12 hours).
anitaMay 6, 2020 at 7:51 pm #353672May 7, 2020 at 8:38 am #353828
“No, I don’t believe in medication”. I don’t believe in psychiatric medications either unless a person is very desperate for help. And I figure that your words: “I consider death as the only option to escape… Please. Help. Me”- expressed acute desperation.
There is a class of psychiatric drugs called SSRI that are often prescribed for OCD. I took two SSRIs in my life: sertraline, and later fluvoxamine. When I first took sertraline for my obsessive thinking, it felt like a pair of scissors in my brain cut the chains of thoughts leaving my brain empty, and relieved. Sertraline is often taken in the morning because it has a stimulating effect and fluvoxamine is often taken in the evening because it has a calming effect. I am no longer on any psychiatric medications and my OCD symptoms are almost not there.
If you get on any of these drugs, it may provide you the relief you need so to attend psychotherapy or some kind of therapy that does not involve drugs. Once you feel better and received enough therapy, you can get off the drugs, just like I did.
1. Don’t try to not think about what you are thinking: the more you escape the thoughts and images in your brain, the more these thoughts and images will chase you. Consider that the thoughts and images in themselves are not dangerous. After all, you had them for so long and you are still alive. So consider letting them be. Let them be, and they are more likely to not stay around.
2. The particular image that repeats in your mind, the “lower face grew skin” image- take a piece of paper and draw that image. Do so while listening to calming music, while as calm as you can be. And do so every once in a while. This will soften that image in your brain, making it less scary.
anitaMay 8, 2020 at 9:11 pm #354110RaviParticipant
When you see those kinds of deformed faces what do you do to get rid of them?
You can’t do anything as one cannot stop their thoughts, images in mind.
But we can surely replace it with something else.
Why don’t you open up your mobile phone or laptop and see happy smiling faces.
The other thoughts and images may come again but again you will need to replace it with happy, smiling, cheerful, face images .