Dear Jo,

I stumbled across your blog post and immediately felt a tugging in my heart – it may be because your story so strikingly resembled mine. I would first of all like to say, I am very sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time, but please do not take your life. Just because times are negative now does not mean that it will be dark forever – every life has seasons (winter, summer, spring and fall) Your Winter WILL turn into a glorious spring if you faint not. Because your former post explained you were Christian I believe it is appropriate to add some Bible verses for encouragement. “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). The Bible never promised us that this world would be easy, but it did promise us constant help through dark times. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” (Isaiah 43:2). In this verse we see that God never promises that we will not go through the fire, waters and trials of this life, but what did he promise?: That he would be with us through those testing times. Jo, even in this dark night you are facing rest on Jesus to be your light, he is closer to you than you think. ” The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) I feel like I am meant to talk to you today. I feel like you need to hear this: Hun, if you can hang on through this dark time you will make it through, you’ve got to fight. You will have hope and a future and no eye has seen or ear has heard what was prepared for you before the foundation of the world. It amazes me how it is always the strongest and sweetest souls that fight the hardest battles and you know why – because you’ve got potential, fire and light. Do the spiritual warfare (through prayer), if you are unsure of what that is please look it up. It is alright to feel anger sometimes, everyone has anger in their lives – however it is what we do with that anger that may destroy us and those around us. “Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:27) The Bible itself says we can be angry! But what do we do with this anger? Does it cause us to sin (lash out, hurt others). If yes, then we must find a way to deal with our anger in a healthy way (we all struggle with this). What you can do it write down your feelings, talk to others (usually when you’ve had time to cool down), listen to calming music or even take your pain and anger to Jesus. 

My Testimony:

I was a college student who suffered from major depression and anxiety issues. My GPA was a 2.0. I dropped out of college and was in so much debt I could not return to school. I was bullied at my school and my mom was so angry that I couldn’t return that, that night my mom said she would kick me out of the house. In a period of a few months I lost everything and I was angry at myself, at God and at everyone. It got so bad I would have panic attacks constantly and one day I decided I wanted to take my life – but I was too scared. I grew up in a Christian home and I did not want to go to Hell for taking my own life (that was the only thing that saved me that night). Jo, I was so angry that I couldn’t kill myself and so upset with God I yelled out before I went to sleep that night “God, just kill me! My life is useless. I am too afraid to do it by myself – so just answer this one prayer,  I want you to kill me, please.” I went to sleep and you know what Jo – I woke up the next morning and when I realized God did not kill me I began to sob so heavily. I touched my heart and it was still beating and I realized if God didn’t kill me then maybe he kept me here because I am not worthless. The days got harder. I went through many other obstacles (my mother is extremely religious and can be negative). Everything seemed to be getting worse before it got better. Then one day after breaking down on the street I decided – God, I am done fighting. I give you control.

Flash Forward: I went back to school (the way it all happened was nothing short of miraculous). A week before I returned to college my grandmother past away, I held on to Jesus. As I kept on going I began hearing the voice of God like never before  (short, quick sentences that came exactly when I needed them). I held on. My GPA raised from a 2.0 to a 3.1, and I began battling my fears and anxiety with the scriptures. I held on. I received divine help and guidance (which to this day shakes my soul). Now, I recently graduated from University and I am a fully certified 7-12 teacher in NYC. I have done missionary work, served in homeless shelters, teach children and minister to others. Joe if I had taken my life that night what would have happened? I would have never gotten to see what I have now, or helped others. It is the same with you Jo – if you stop now you will never know how bright and beautiful your light can and will become. Press on girl, press on.

Jo, I will be praying for you. Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, your studies, your body and everything concerning you. I know you can do this Jo, this is not the end it is just the beginning and oh boy – I can’t wait to see what you will do.

If you need additional help shoot me a text: 929-278-0992. Be at peace sister <3 <3

Hey everyone, just wanted to check in and see if anyone’s found a solution?

I find meditation (mindfulness) helps deal with the emotional pain, but it doesn’t “take it away” – i.e. the issues are still there, it just doesn’t hurt as much. In my experience when I felt like a good person, I was hopeful – happy – I actually felt good. Now, I have TONS of external (and internal) issues and frankly not much hope that it will get better. I feel trapped.

I think a lot of our feelings – or at least mine – stems from being in extreme pain due to personal circumstances and then there seems like no hope of being able to escape it.

I have found hope ( and obviously a pain-free life) makes all the difference.

The question is when everything – life at the time – is painful, and there seems like no hope, how do you continue to be a good person – to feel like a good person? It’s the best goal you can have – to be a good person.

I think the pain, the hopelessness, the other things, numb us. I think the word I was looking for was “inspired”. I was inspired to be a great person. Now, I’m beat up by life and, simply put, it feels like I can’t feel anything good. Any time I feel good even for a second, some evil comes and ruins it. I’m trying to do the right thing – but I feel impulsive. I feel like I need to avoid the pain. I think it’s the constant fight-or-flight reaction.

Even if I told you what the cause of your pain was – I said “[this] is the cause of your pain” – if you can’t fix it what good would it do knowing? The goal is to feel relaxed and inspired, but it’s completely natural to feel awful in an awful situation. But that doesn’t help – we want to feel good – feel and act like good people no matter the situation.

Let me give you an extreme example. Kidnapping victims. Someone who has been taken hostage and held for days – weeks – isn’t going to have bubbly feelings inside. They’re going to feel threatened, the FoF response is going to kick in, and since they can’t easily escape their situation (running will get them shot), they freeze or fawn. They may feel on edge, or numb, or anything else. It’s not unexpected that they won’t feel inspired. For me, if I were in that situation – which of course I would never wish that on myself or anyone else – I woudn’t want the threat over my head to affect how I behave. I want to be in control. I would of course be terrified, but I don’t want my circumstances to dictate my behaviour, I want to recognize my circumstances, determine what the right thing to do is, and do it. So I guess the goal is control. But even then it gets tiring because in addition to fighting the threat, your fighting yourself. Maybe limit your resources to doing the right thing?

We’re wired to get away from pain – which is great – but the issues of today are not like the issues of the beginning of human time. Back then, you saw a lion – you ran. Today, the lion is everywhere. You can’t just run the other way to escape it. So what do we do? We can’t evolve. The escape for the lion is far more complex than running – and isn’t instant. So we live in a constant state of FoF – which causes a lot of the feelings you described.

Fortunately, nature gave us an opposite of FoF – the relaxation response. Like I said at the beginning, I don’t know what the solution is – I’m just sharing my knowledge and experience so someone can combine theirs and find the solution.

All the best to all of you.

Hey E,

If you can get out, get out. Being in a bad situation is never good. That’s why they call it a bad situation. It affects everything around you.

For those of us who can’t get out (maybe I should stop saying can’t), the question is how do we…what? Cope? I guess that’s the word.

Since writing here I’ve realized that I’m looking for a way to numb/take away/escape the pain. It hurts. I tried meditation when the pain was really strong and it still hurt. I don’t know.