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Positive mindset and getting back with your ex.

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  • #66095
    Vince
    Participant

    Hi all

    I am new to the forum section of Tiny Buddha.

    I was recently ‘dumped’ a month ago by my partner of 8 months (we lived together for majority of the relationship). During the last month or so of the relationship, I was in a very bad place. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, I had zero self-esteem, I had panic attacks, some afternoons I was bed ridden. I was in horrible shape. I was not the person that my partner had fell in love with at the beginning of the relationship. I was in a really bad place.

    I stupidly gave up my own social engagements, friendships and life to be with him. This resulted in me having zero self-esteem, I forgot to love myself. I lived vicariously through him and his social life. That was not his doing, it was mine. He never pressured me to that. It was my first real relationship and I made those mistakes. He was loving and caring, up until he left. With good reason, I was not the person he fell in love with.

    Our brake up was my rock bottom. Since then I have begun to love myself. I have begun to see my value and how amazing I am. I feel like I am back to my old self. And I am still in love with him. I miss him, not the idea of having a partner. I miss his quirks, his love, his stories, his conversations, everything!

    I really want him back. He wants to keep in contact as friends (and we have been), however he has said that seeing me after the break up that I was back to being the guy he feel in love with, the guy that was excited by life.

    If he fell in love with me before, and if he recognised that I am that person again, then why can’t it happen again? I want it to happen naturally. I am not going to beg or ask him to get back together with me (I’m too good for that). We plan on spending time with each other (as friends), however I am doing that in the hopes of us getting back together.

    At the moment I’m trying to stay positive about us getting back together, but should I? Could I potentially be setting myself up for misery? Should I have the positive mentality of: ‘yes we will get back together’. Positive things happen to those with a positive mindset. Should I have the ‘we are going to get back together’ mindset’?

    Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Mucho love
    Xx

    #66100
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    @itwillgetbetter

    Hi Vince

    So good to hear that you have found yourself again after hitting rock bottom 🙂 life has an amazing way of getting us back on track when we refuse to learn the easy way.

    When you have a quiet moment and feeling your most positive, ask yourself this question – Do I really need this ex in my life ? Do I want to go back to the same place I was a few months ago ? Do I want to be “dumped” again ?

    Your love may be true and unconditional but does the other person value you for who you are with your ups and downs ?

    In the higher consciousness, all of our energies interact closely. Has it ever occurred to you why you feel so good around some people and some people drain you or make you go crazy ? I will let you reflect on this.

    Dont set yourself up for more pain, mate. You are worth all the happiness. Keep your head held high up and keep marching forward. You will find what you are looking for once you drop the expectations or need for outcomes that you desire.

    Best wishes

    Jasmine

    #66102
    Vince
    Participant

    Thanks for your repsonse jasmine!

    I was heading down a bad path before I met him. I just happened to fall face flat on that path during the relationship.

    I don’t need him to be happy. I am happy. I shouldn’t rely on anyone to make me happy. I want him in my life because I love him and his company.

    #66109
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Vince.

    Glad to know that your happiness doesnt depend on someone else 🙂

    Sorry but I am going to challenge you again here. Why do you love his company and him ? What does that give you ? If you were hitting a downward slope while you met this person and continued on to hit rock bottom, what does that show or tell ? Be honest with yourself. I dont personally need your truth 🙂

    Sometimes, our mind plays games with us so that it can go back to its comfort zone of keeping us insane and in constant state of attachment.

    Best of luck on your journey. Dont lose your positive streak for anyone ever.

    J

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