Hello Anita and the Tiny Buddha community,

It is now fall, a few months since the summer when I last posted.  Since then I have gotten married (2 months ago) and really taken a different approach thereafter.

The wedding itself was successful and fun.  Yet, as you know the point of all my posts were not about the milestone itself, but the realizations I was having surrounding it all.

I have mentioned prior how toxic my mother is, and I appreciated all your feedback about her.  One thing that really stuck with me over all the months is your analogy that I wasn’t a “law official or in the court of law” that it wasn’t my burden to say whether her behavior was warranted – that it was more that if it was negatively affecting me, I had the right to feel it was in fact wrong.  That was a very difficult realization for me, and I have come quite far in this way.  I now see that if another individual is acting in a toxic way in your eyes, you can and should honor yourself in this feeling – and take measures to minimize the harm it causes you.  Prior, I always felt that somehow if I tried harder I could “fix the issue” at hand.  I realize of course that this is from my upbringing (as you can see from prior posts).

I wanted to share the steps I have taken to achieve some positive progress, to highlight my budding journey, and perhaps give others hope as well, and of course inform the community that tiny buddha has been an immense support!

1) honoring my needs to talk when I want to, and stay silent when I want to.

so often we feel we need to engage in conversations, whether in person or phone or text, just to make the other person comfortable, or to feel some sort of void. if we honor communicating only when we feel we are in the right place for it (aka not forcing it) we allow ourselves space to just be.

2) getting off of social media

after a wedding as large as mine, social media plays a huge role- sharing of picture and videos – and it is quite positive in that way the ability to share memories.

yet, i found that after the buzz of the wedding wore off – what is the point of it all – sure it is a seemingly good way to “stay in touch” but I decided the cons outweighed the pros. i felt without realizing it I was filling my brain with information I did not necessarily need, or want – and thus tiring myself mentally without even knowing it or trying to! opening up mental space for activities i want to do such as a minute of mental peace, or writing this post – are much more beneficial for me

3) yoga

i have always been an avid fan of yoga, yet recently I have made it an active and routine part of my life.  i see many results in my body as well as mind, and realize training the body in yoga is also training the mind throughout the classes (seeing the progress in both mind and body is most gratifying).

4) learning to think before an impurlse

i read an article about how “honoring yourself” is not the same as being selfish.  I have put a lot of thought into this, and have practiced looking into myself and asking myself what do I really want to do, instead of acting on impulse – whether this may be saying yes to a plan or something quite small!