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  • #98068
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i wanted to know what people thought of this. do you think or know if we get the love we ask for? the love we specifically want. does god give you that? say you have a person in mind – would god give them to you? or would you say that this is selfish? to want somebody only to show them love and have a mutual love. does god defy want we want? does god want us to hang on a string of confusion? i ask this question a lot, anita knows. but i don’t know. i guess i just want to hear what i want to hear. do our beliefs outshine our fears?

    #98074
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Wisdom:

    I am glad you started this thread. And I do hope others will answer your questions. I would like to … later on.
    anita

    #98076
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i would definitely love to hear anything else you think on this topic anita and i’ll complete an assignment today and tell you about it by the end of the day.

    #98080
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Wisdom:

    I really am curious and hoping for others’ answers. As to my own, here is my reply to every part of your post here:

    “…do you think or know if we get the love we ask for?” I don’t think you GET the love you ask for, you MAKE it happen. When you use the verb GET, it means to me that you are placing yourself in the passive position of asking and hoping to receive, when reality is that to have a loving relationship, you need to be an active and assertive part in it!

    “…does god give you that?” I don’t believe there is a god. But even if there was, obviously, he doesn’t GIVE people loving relationships with others: you still have to be an active part in it! You have to get it, to look for it, to make it happen and maintain it. This is so for people who believe in god AND for people who don’t.

    “say you have a person in mind – would god give them to you?” No. It may happen, but like winning the lottery, you have to do SOMETHING to have any chance of having what you want.

    “or would you say that this is selfish?” I don’t think it is selfish to have a person in mind. It is not selfish to feel anything and wanting someone or something is a feeling. A desire is a feeling and none of your feelings is selfish.

    “…does god defy want we want? does god want us to hang on a string of confusion?” god, if he or she or it existed, his/her/its job is … obviously not to give us our wishes. It may be Santa Claus’s job and that is only on Christmas day. it is not god’s job, so you are looking for your wishes to come true, but you are looking for the wrong … person to give your wishes to you. Making your wishes come true, Wisdom, is not god’s job.

    “…i guess i just want to hear what i want to hear.” And so, you will hear only what you want to hear…

    “do our beliefs outshine our fears?”- your beliefs so far, Wisdom, did not outshine your fears, this is why you are still afraid. Your beliefs haven’t worked for you so far.

    anita

    #98084
    Wisdom
    Participant

    but what about if you try as much as you can to try and get this person’s attention but there’s just a block? like you can’t get through to them? like you can say hi to someone over and over or do a million backflips to get their attention, but will anything happen to you from them? should we just be happy with even getting a glare? should we just be thankful that we even have that even though we want more?

    #98086
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Wisdom:

    The thing is, Wisdom, that what you want, what you desire is to love and be loved by a young man, be in a loving relationship. It doesn’t have to be this particular man. If you say hi to him again and again and do a million backflips, like you wrote, to get his attention and he is not paying attention to you… then he is not the one!

    See, one of the beliefs you have, one of the beliefs that is not working for you, is that it has to be that particular man. It doesn’t have to be him. And besides, this particular man that you are interested in, you never met in person. You never expressed to him that you are interested in a relationship with him. So all those backflips you mentioned, well… those were the backflips you made in between your ears- this is where they happened.

    To make things happen in real life, the action has to be outside that space in between the ears.

    Your desire is a good desire, natural and understandable: to love and be loved. How to go about it is the question, isn’t it/

    anita

    #98090
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i don’t know anita. i’m just tired of everyone i want being the wrong one. this particular person i wanted for so long but i feel like i messed up by…being me i guess. then other times it’s just like “fuck it maybe he’ll like me anyway.” i’m tired of being a fool. if this person was to really not be the one i’ll just give up on the whole thing. even still, no matter how many people say maybe he’s not the one, i still believe he’s mine. i always have. but i guess that’s just my problem. believing in this stupid love shit, but being me while doing it. if it were some other magical girl with good looks and good everything, if she believed in love, it wouldn’t matter. love would believe in her too.

    #98091
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Wisdom:

    You wrote: “i still believe he’s mine. i always have.” But there were others you had crushes on before him, so it is not true that “(you) always have” believed he is the one. There were others, only you believed he is the one more intensely and for longer, isn’t it correct?

    The main point though is that you believe you are unlovable, unworthy of love, of being loved. This is why you feel like a fool, sort of thinking something like this: “I should know I am unlovable! What a fool I was to think it is possible for this man to love me! There is no reason to love me! I know better, why did I even hope? Oh, how stupid I am…”

    Isn’t this something like what you are thinking?

    And this is the key to everything: beliefs. Remember I wrote on this thread that your beliefs have not been working for you so far? This is the main belief that you have about you that has not been working for you but against you!

    You believe that you are unlovable, not worthy of being loved by any young man that you desire or may desire. This is what you believe. Unfortunately for you, your belief is not what is true. Can you imagine it being a possibility, that something you believe in so strongly is not true?

    It is possible for you and for me and for everyone, to believe things are true when in reality, they are not true.

    Believe in god, if you’d like; believe in destiny if it suits you… in the Universe and in butterflies. But believe that you are lovable. For as long as you believe you are unlovable, you are your own worst enemy and you are doomed.

    Are you open just a …little bit to consider that you are wrong in your belief of you being unworthy of being loved? Are you open to consider that there are things to love about you?

    I believe that you are worthy of being loved by a young man that you desire. I have no doubt about it.

    So… one of us is wrong. Who might that be???

    anita

    #98104
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i am going to come back to this because i’m tutoring my cousin at the moment and don’t have much internet connection. but when and while i liked him he was already…occupied. and then he liked all these other girls. i felt like you said, unlovable. unable to be loved by him. and i felt that i just had to wait till he was done with all those people so i could be considered. sure i had about 3 crushes in the midst of it all, but i was still waiting and confused. i wasn’t as smart as i am now. maybe i’m still stupid. but i felt like i had to find someone else because he had all these other people in his face and i wasn’t doing a good enough job to shine like they did.

    #98105
    Wisdom
    Participant

    all in all anita i really dont know though. maybe i’m here for nothing at all. im tired of waiting to be great and pretty and whatever. i’m tired of being pushed to the side. i honestly if it’s okay for me to feel this way, want to die a bit. i just want to…vanish already. and never come back. i don’t feel i belong here anyway.

    #98111
    Wisdom
    Participant

    anita –

    i read over what you said. this is what i have to say. i don’t know which one of us is wrong, but you told me to look at the things in front of me and all i see is that i’m unlovable. or if i’m being shown or given love, it’s because it has to be done. no one loves me like my grandpa did. i don’t know if anyone ever will. my strong belief is that this one man is mine no matter what. through all the people we may go through, we belong to each other. it’s just something that i feel in my heart. something that i feel is real, but what i see, it doesn’t match up just yet. i believe that something will make sense. all of it will make sense eventually. i will still believe in god, no matter how i think he treats or sees me. he brought me here and i am learning to love and understand god. i believe in things bigger than us and i believe in destiny. i think the destiny i believe to have with this person is true, but i hope i’m not being a fool, lying to myself. saying all these things looking at myself in the mirror. i don’t know if i am open to believing that something other than me being unlovable is real. what i see in front of me doesn’t tell me that much. i know you tell me and i thank you for that. my family can tell me that but i won’t feel it like i felt it when my grandpa told me. and i hope i can feel that when me and this man get together. i hope it’s all not a silly dream. a fallacy. i hope this feeling i have that makes me say “this is real” is real. it’s funny how you can feel so big for someone you never met, but that’s soulmate i think. that’s destiny. that’s love. and i’m sticking to that belief. anything that keeps me alive or happy. anything that makes me feel alive or happy.

    #98120
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Wisdom:

    Your grandpa loved you. Because you are lovable. You brought out his love and he loved you. This is proof that it is possible for another to love you. I know that it is and if you were my daughter, if I was the mother in your home right now, I know that I would love you and you would know it in your heart.

    You believe in god and in destiny and in soulmates and you are “sticking to that belief”- strong willed Wisdom, this is one of your lovable traits, “sticking to it”- no matter what I say! This is you sticking to your beliefs and I respect you for it!

    The assignment of the day- wait are we doing it here… maybe bring up the other thread? Mirror: repeat to yourself, please: “My grandpa loved me because i am lovable” Look at yourself and say: “This is who my grandpa loved. And if he was here, this is the person he would love still and always.”

    anita

    #98125
    Wisdom
    Participant

    thank you anita so much! i have done the mirror earlier today but i’m definitely going to add in those two bits. i’m going to go to sleep and hopefully i’ll be in a happier mood, but until tomorrow, goodnight anita! 🙂

    #98126
    anita
    Participant

    Good night, Wisdom. It shouldn’t take long to add those two sentences. Hope you did it and sleep well. Till the morrow-
    anita

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