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Purpose is confusing I have too many choices

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • February 25, 2016 at 3:38 pm #97246
    April
    Participant

    All my life, I have struggled to find true purpose for myself.
    But its not because I dont know what I like, its because I like too many things.

    Because of this I struggle to finish things that I have started. I get really into writting a book one day or even for a week, then loose interest and move on to blogging about herbs and natural health (something I went to school for) and that lasts a few days, then its on to sewing/designing women’s bags (I have a tiny business doing this). I also enjoy repurposing and selling furniture and making herbal products and gardening in the summer.

    Most of the time I just get so frustrated with all this back and forth, never feeling sure what I really should stick to that I just give up. I just give up and release myself into being the mother and housewife that I am (which I very much enjoy). I envy women who dont have any hobbies or specific talents.

    I feel so responsible for the knowledge and expertice I have learned through the years…especially with natural healing, because I am aware of how people can help their bodies to heal…and if I dont get my knowledge out there, I am going to be held accountable for it.

    Honestly, most of the time I want mothering and housewifing (ha, ha!) to be enough. Heeeeeelllllp!!!

    February 25, 2016 at 9:04 pm #97281
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear April:

    You do have different skills, talents, interests.

    Question: when you wrote: “If I don;t get my knowledge out there, I am going to be held accountable for it.” – are you sincere or joking…?

    Maybe you can teach these skills that you have to your children and have them participate… some sort of sewing, designing.. maybe writing or putting together a book for (other) children, a children book. That is combining your different interests with motherhood?

    anita

    February 25, 2016 at 9:06 pm #97282
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    April,

    “Most of the time I just get so frustrated with all this back and forth, never feeling sure what I really should stick to that I just give up. I just give up and release myself into being the mother and housewife that I am (which I very much enjoy). I envy women who dont have any hobbies or specific talents.”

    You appear to be doing an excellent job with everything you’ve got going on in you life. Nothing wrong with enjoying being a stay at home mom/housewife, that is great. Whatever hobby you enjoy is never a bad thing and if you decide to switch it up, that’s okay too. 🙂

    Have a good evening. Namaste –

    M.

    February 27, 2016 at 6:36 am #97387
    April
    Participant

    Anita – I was sincere about my comment…
    I don’t know if it is being brought up in strict religion (which I am no longer a part of) or what…but I get this feeling that if I don’t share the wealth of knowledge with more than just my family and friends, that I am somehow disappointing Source or God…whatever you like to call it. So I mean that I feel like I will be held accountable in that when I die Source will show me all the things I “didn’t” do and should have done to help people with the knowledge I have.

    Some times I honestly don’t want to HAVE to do any of those skills or talents…I just want to be a mom and a wife and that’s it. But NOT doing those skills makes me feel guilty…like Source is looking down on me shaking it’s head in disappointment.

    Kind of like the judgement an extremely wealthy person gets for not sharing his wealth with anyone else.

    I am certainly not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination…but I have these gifts/skills that way heavy on me, like a burden. IF I don’t use them or teach them I feel guilty. I feel like I am wasting them.

    I just want to feel like if I don’t want to use those gifts, it’s okay. I want to feel like it’s okay to just want to be a simple woman, a mother and wife without having to be responsible to have to use my gifts.

    I really like my life. I love my son and my husband, we have a quaint little home and garden, just enough space for the 3 of us. We don’t have much, but I enjoy it. I enjoy the simple life and just doing my gifts when I feel like it…not because I feel like I have to or someone will be disappointed with me. Is that okay? I struggle so hard with this! I guess I just want to know if I am enough…just the way I am…if I never do a single thing more with my gifts…

    February 27, 2016 at 7:23 am #97389
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear April:

    Yes, you are enough, just the way you are, even if you never do a single thing more with your knowledge, skills and talents.

    But who am I for you to believe me? I am not the… Source.

    I believe The Source is an entity that you were told exists (called God in the religion introduced to you as a child), an angry, vengeful god that is very demanding, demanding that IF you want peace of mind, you have to earn it and earning it means giving to others anything you have that is of any value.

    That God, which you call Source to differentiate him from.. the other god is really the same god you were taught exists. Same god character (not nice!) under a different name.

    I would like to continue this conversation with you, if you would like! What do you think so far about what I wrote here?

    anita

    March 5, 2016 at 11:54 pm #98132
    Wolfgang
    Participant

    April,

    it could have been me writing the words you started this thread with! (Ok,I am not a mom, but a dad with two nearly grown up daughters.)
    To be honest, I am still far from having THE answer to my questions, but one day I stumbled across a few ideas I read in the books mentioned below. That brought so much relief !

    Some people are so gifted that it nearly hurts (as it does for you). The giftedness itself is not the problem, rather the thoughts, urges and feelings arising from that. Guilt, disorientation, frustration and so on. Accepting that I am hard-wired in this particular way and discovering the huge potential of that helps me starting to be grateful. I know so many people complaining they have no gifts at all (which is never true).

    Even it is frustrating to find myself constantly skipping from one activity to the next before I really got into the previous one, I constantly (and unconsciously) acquire knowledge and skills that allow connecting them in ways nobody else is able to. For example, I can bring creativity and communication skills into my engineer job or use my technical experience for my creative hobbies like drawing or making music. Your wide horizon allows you to easily connect to many people regardless of their background. You apply your gifts without realising ist. I’m afraid this is a poor attempt to get the idea across, but I strongly encourage you to have a look into the books.

    Guilt: I don’t know the religious background you come from, but reading your words it would not surprise me it was a christian one. It makes me mad how the words of Jesus are often misused by his believers. God is so much larger than many of the pale and narrow-minded believers claiming they know the truth. Their words often say more about themselves than about Jesus. Get in touch with the word itself, not what others tell you it says.

    Wolfgang

    The Renaissance Soul: How to Make Your Passions Your Life, by Margaret Lobenstine
    I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It, by Barbara Sher

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