January 12, 2018 at 12:37 pm #186369
I would like to ask for your thoughts or advice on infertility support groups if one is not able to become pregnant because of malformed ovaries and uterus? My doctor's office has an infertility group and it is already difficult enough emotionally, and I'm not sure if I should go because it seems like infertility groups are for people who still have hope to become pregnant with treatment? I'm currently single, which they do say individuals are welcome, and it I often feel like nobody would want to be with me because I can't give them a baby.January 13, 2018 at 7:04 am #186463
I don't know of a support group of the kind you are looking for. But if you would like, you can share here more of your thoughts, feelings, experiences regarding your specific infertility as a single woman. I will read, when I am at the computer, and will reply empathetically and respectfully, that is, in a supportive way, best I can.
anitaJanuary 13, 2018 at 12:26 pm #186487
Thank you for your response. I'm just wondering if I should go to one of these groups? I would like to find a support group but I'm not sure what type of group would make sense? As I mentioned, it seems like these types of groups are for people who are seeking treatment and grief support groups seem to be geared towards those who have lost people in their lives?January 14, 2018 at 8:15 am #186567
You are welcome. I didn't understand the part: “geared toward those who have lost people in their lives”?
I understood that your individual situation is that you are single and that you have no medical hope to be able to get pregnant in the future.
I understood that your concern was about attending the support group recommended to you is that the other people attending it have difficulties getting pregnant but have hope to get pregnant, a hope you don't have. Also, your concern is that the other people are married and already have a husband, and you are single and fear that you may never get married because of your infertility.
Did I understand correctly? If I did, then what if you attend one meeting with the group and see how it goes. You can attend a meeting and leave anytime, if you feel uncomfortable. You can state at the beginning of the meeting that you are conflicted about being there and that you may leave, being clear and kind in your statement. You can also state your concerns, the conflict you experience, at the beginning of the meeting.
anitaJanuary 14, 2018 at 9:21 am #186585
Thank you so much for your ideas anita. The part about “geared towards those who have lost people in their lives” is basically that I just don't know what type of group to search for in my particular situation, for instance, there is grieving in the loss of not being able to carry a child, and yet I feel like it would be really awkward to be there with others who have lost a loved one that they knew. So I just kind of feel lost, because I would like to have a supportive place to share and process my feelings and don't know exactly what “category” to search for. Thank you for suggesting that I just start out by sharing my concerns about being there, and the reminder that I would be able to leave.January 14, 2018 at 9:40 am #186587
I would feel awkward in a support group aimed at support for those grieving over a loss of people they knew, if I was grieving the loss of a person who was never born. As intense as your grief is, there is too much of a difference in circumstances.
Here is a website I just came across after googling: “w w w. support groups. com/ discussions (no spaces). I read a bit. I don't think any two women are facing infertility exactly the same way, even in a support group where all women there were single, had no hope for a pregnancy and worried about the possibility of marriage, if such existed. So some differences in circumstances and concerns are to be expected.
I just had a thought: there are men out there who are not interested in children and who reject women who want children. There was such a thread here recently where that was expressed. And there are men who are infertile themselves, without hope, and therefore cannot have biological children no matter if they marry a fertile or infertile woman.
January 14, 2018 at 10:09 am #186595
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by anita.
That makes sense, though I do want a family and often feel that someone that would want a family with me would be the type to reject me if I cant give them biological children. I know logically that there are people who wouldn't feel that way, and that obviously it would have to be one of those people who would be a good match. It's just difficult to fully internalize it emotionally. Thinking about it, this probably stems from fear of rejection; all the more reason to find a supportive group. I am grateful for your suggestions because they have provided a bit of direction and clarity, and I feel I can have the courage to give it a try even though I still feel a bit apprehensive. Thank you.January 14, 2018 at 10:27 am #186597
You are welcome. Fear of rejection is a powerful force. I wonder if you are afraid of rejection within the context of a support group… If so, a support group is supposed to function in such a way that members are respectful of each other. There may be a time limit for every member's share. There are rules, like not using “you statements” but sticking to I-me-and-my statements which decrease possible criticism expressed and/ or felt by members listening.
I hope the support group recommended to you works for you and that you post again with any kind of sharing.
* Will be back to the computer in about 17 hours or so.